RHOM Recap: EEEAAAIIOOOUUUUU!

Recaps

By Alejandra | Saturday, November 3, 2012 | 1:14 am | 16 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

Lea interviews that Leroy is like a child to her and it’s heartbreaking to think that anything could happen to the little guy.  Poor, Lea.  I’ve been there.  That blows.  Even Marysol interviews that she’s never seen Lea break down like that.  All the ladies arrive, and it’s time for Norman to do his thing.  For once, Elsa Patton is not the craziest person in the room.  She is still, however, the awesomest by far.

Ana interviews that Norman reminds her of Rumplestiltskin, and it’s clear she doesn’t quite know what to make of him.  Lisa notices that Lea is stressed, and since they’re BFFs now, Lisa interviews that she really hopes nothing bad happens at the gala.  Lisa, why do you want to make my job more difficult?

Everyone sits down and Norman begins to explain what he does.  Bravo doesn’t think that’s very interesting, though, so we immediately cut to Norman explaining that when he rubs his bowls, it’s the same thing as when he eeeaaaaiioouus.  Man, there may not be drama at the gala tonight, but when Bravo closes a door, it sure knows how to open a window.  

Elaine arrives, along with Joanna, and Jo interviews that being there is the last thing she wants to be at the moment.  She’s glad that Adriana didn’t show up, though, and assumes that the other woman must be embarrassed.  Eh, probably not.  When Elaine sits down, Marysol jokes that Elsa left her cane in the car, and Elsa rolls her eyes at Elaine’s presence.  Now THAT’S a catfight I want to see before the end of the season. 

Each woman gets to go up and get their aura read or some shit by Norman, and apparently he will solve whatever problem or answer any question they have at that time.  Lisa’s up first, and she asks if there are children in her and Lenny’s future.  Norman gets what Lisa wants to hear, but not totally.  He says he sees one boy, and probably expects her to start crying from joy, but she’s all, “One?  One motherfucker?” and sits down and interviews that he’s incorrect.  Ha! 

Joanna’s next and because they’re fatally co-dependent, she brings her sister with her.  She rolls her eyes as she explains that she and her fiancé are going through a rough patch because even she’s tired of hearing that.  Norman explains that she and Romain are too alike in too many ways for them to be on top of each other all the time (don’t worry, they’re not).  He advises her not to get married if she and Romain keep butting heads.  When it comes time to read Marta, Marta sits down as quickly as she can because she’s done sharing for awhile, I think.

  I would be, too.

Then it’s Elsa’s turn!  And she’s fantastic.  She’s already whispered to Lisa that Norman doesn’t know what he’s doing, so this oughta be good.  And it is.  She gets up there, takes over completely and gives Norman a reading instead of receiving one.  He totally plays along, but it’s clear he has no idea what’s going on.  I really want Elsa to blog that she was just messing with his head and raising their arms up and down together, pronouncing that he has two souls was total bullhonky.  The fact that he went along with it made him look even more ridiculous.  She’s that kind of evil – the good kind.  Hilarious?  The fact that Elsa’s reading looks way more legit than anything I’ve seen Norman do during his considerable airtime this episode is.  More hilarious?  The fact that Norman just started eeeaaaaiioouu-ing at some point because that’s like, his version of purring. The whole thing is fantastic.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

16 Comments

  1. 1
    polk8dot
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Elsa getting ‘possessed by Norman’s SECOND spirit’ was hysterical!!! This woman in pure gold, and I just can’t forgive Bravo for not giving her more screen time with that dimwit.
    Leah – still an ASSHOLE. And now, in addition, lost ANY shreds of respect I might have still had for her. Really, Lea? This fricking Oompa-Loompa? This is your spiritual guru??? I realize that everything else she does, at least on the show, is done half-jokingly, but I am convinced that in this case she was totally serious. Why else would she expose herself to derision and laughter for letting this little con artist wrap her around his finger? She’s got no credibility left. I would love to know what Freda thinks of him – isn’t he poaching on her territory? I bet that were it up to her, she would have smacked him upside the head and kicked him out the front gate, then smacked Lea, too, for her stupidity. Mercy!
    Adriana – this woman is pure HATE personified. And she is also a total COWARD!!! I can appreciate people who do something I don’t agree with, as long as they stand by their words and deeds. She is a complete shit; one of those who takes no responsibility for anything they do, and always, ALWAYS finds a way to shift the blame to someone else, even if it means denying her own actions. I hate that. She’s shown herself to be a classless wannabe, who created a history about herself in her own head, and totally sold it to herself as truth. Too bad everybody else can see right thru it, bitch. Also, there were cameras there, so we can see the tape too, dumbass.

  2. 2
    Holyterror
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Joanna’s not doing herself any good by texting Romaine in the middle of a gala — that’s the kind of thing that sounds really DRUNK when you receive it.

  3. 3
    christine
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    forgive me if you can, but I’m totally Team Lea. Forever and ever, she can do no wrong. She knows Norman is nuts…for heaven’s sake, she COLLECTS them!

    I’d like to know more about Mama Elsa myself, mainly what the circumstances were that led to her facial situation. Did I say that politely? Trying to. Maybe I missed an explanation in a previous episode, or last season, but truly…what happened? Couldn’t she see the future and that face staring back at her? She found the wrong plastic surgeon in that box of sand.

  4. 4
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    While I’ve never been a huge Romain fan (as I’ve mentioned before) because he’s a just touch too controlling and rather cold, I seriously hope that he’s done with the cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs “supermodel”.

    I don’t know why they keep calling her that!? Supermodels work with Emilio Pucci and Lanvin and Estee Lauder…they don’t do (at least not consistently) shoots in magazines of questionable caliber. Heidi Klum = supermodel; Miranda Kerr = supermodel; Joanna Krupa = sexy swimsuit/lingerie/etc model (but she has done a damn fine job making modeling a living), NOT supermodel.

  5. 5
    itsallok
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    RHoM is lifting scripts from movies. (Plays). The 2-parter had me hating ka-Rent big time, her coniviving had me thinking of \Little Shop of Horrors\ and the song \ be a dentist\ . This week Norman, the weirdo was straight out of \A Mighty Wind\.

    I can’t link , but you tube gets you there.

  6. 6
    Holyterror
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I’d have walked right up and cracked at least one of Norman’s pots.

    Watching people politely tolerate him was absolutely excruciating.

  7. 7
    Stuffed
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Not to be a forum nazi, but i do believe the term “supermodel” refers to how much money a model makes and how well known she is, whether it’s Haute Couture or within a commercial area. :) Regardless of which, Jo has some serious anger issues. Her insecurities, probably stemming from her relationship, causes this displaced anger i would guess. Same goes for Adriana, she just does not seem like a genuinely happy person to me. I like them both though, with their flaws and all..but Adriana it’s time to stop the dramatic black hair. A softer more mature look would do you wonders ( as would a more mature attitude)

  8. 8
    labowner
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I am so upset Bravo is trying to take this franchise down the NJ road. I want to like all these chickees.

    Joanna you have issues. No wonder you get a long with KarenT. Lea sets up the seating charts. She put Joe Francis and Adriana at the same table. Take your issues to her. I bet you are too afraid to go against her.

    We could all learn a lesson from Elsa. She didn’t care there was competition – she just took over and owned the situation without making a scene.

  9. 9
    Marguerite
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    @Christine,

    During a Season 1 episode of RHoM (I can’t remember which one specifically), Marysol told Elsa’s story about what happened to her face. Elsa was extremely beautiful when she was younger, but in the 60s, she started to get plastic surgery to maintain her looks. Marysol said that one of the plastic surgeons Elsa went to (for the first and last time) injected her with silicone which migrated from the site for which the filler was intended, as the injections were performed totally wrong. Since then, as a result, Elsa has been getting follow-up reconstructive procedures to fix the extensive damage that the silicone did to her face.

    I do not know what reconstructive procedures she subsequently had done, but topically observing her face, I think that the reconstructive procedures only could do so much to rectify the devastation caused by the incorrect silicone injection.

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Thanks @ Marguerite

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I must say Elsa’s face seems to be softening or I am getting used to it.

  12. 12
    labowner
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Are they doubling up the episodes this week as I saw the ad for Sunday’s show.

  13. 13
    jp
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Plastic surgery in the 60s sounds risky to me. I do love Elsa though, she scared me at first but she is really awesome. Her daughter is pretty cool most of the time too. I liked her description of standing in the corner doing shots and then looking up to see a fight.

    Ad and Jo are both crazy in their own way and both seem very angry on the inside. I never thought that someone as perfect seeming as Jo could be this nuts but I am sure there is a saying about pretty people somewhere that could explain that for me.

  14. 14
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Sorry, @Stuffed, but I must disagree.

    Merriam-Webster and the Free Online Dictionary define supermodel as: “An extremely successful and internationally famous fashion model.”

    Jo is not quite an “internationally known fashion model”, unless half naked, PETA, and bikini shoots count lol.

    Totally not trying to be a pain in the ass, either, so you know :-) It’s just as a fashion fanatic it irks me to no end to hear that temperamental monster called a “supermodel”!

  15. 15
    susanb
    Posted November 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Didn’t Pricella Presley have that same thing done to her by some Argentinin Doc. She thought she was getting something better than botox and got industrial grade silicon. She certainly could have had work done at a reputable surgeon in the US. Can’t imagine why she would do that. She was really lovely and now she looks like wax left in the sun or something. Horrible and unfixable.

  16. 16
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    @Alejandra I’m mad at Adriana too. And for the same reasons as you. Joanna’s just a bikini model that doesn’t even have enough sense to know she’s got a pretty enough mouth she doesn’t have to pay $ to get it turned it into a pool toy.

    Adriana’s a hot mess. But she’s got reasons. And started out as a mujer mas o menos decente that had some home training. Not to mention she’s got a brain. She just learned at a young age that’s not what people gave a fuck about. Kind of like happened with Charo. That’s secretly been 1 of the best classical guitarists alive for 300 yrs or something.

    I’m also mad at her because I said I couldn’t defend her slapping Joanna no matter what. And now it turns out Joanna put her hands on Adriana 1st. From behind. While Adriana was trying to get away from her. And drunk.

    So I can’t be on Joanna’s side of the fight part. If somebody grabs you from behind when you’re drunk there’s no way to prove it wasn’t a reflex. Which is how come you shouldn’t go grabbing drunk people from behind. Except Joanna doesn’t have enough sense to know that. For being dumb as a box of hair related reasons.

    Anyway Bravo needs to give Norman a regular job being on every episode of all the Housewives shows. He’d be great on RHNJ, following Teresa around chanting “double Vishnu to you” at her. He could be her and Midge’s new physical therapist!

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