RHOM Recap: If You Don’t Like Her Smile…

Recaps

By Alejandra | Saturday, October 13, 2012 | 11:16 am | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

Meanwhile, about a week before any of this took place, Ana gives Joanna a cooking lesson!  Remember they talked about that last week – come on, Guys.  Continuity, please?  Joanna has no great love of cooking (“No shit,” said the onion), but she wants to try to do something nice and romantic for Romain.  By cooking him bad food?  You know the man’s French, right?  Anywho, Ana has decided a good starter dish for Joanna is risotto.  Which she posits one can’t screw up.  What?  Ana, have you met risotto?  Have you met Undercooked Risotto?  Have you met Overcooked Risotto?  Because I and many fine, fine Top Chefs have met both of those risottos, but have very rarely had the pleasure of hanging with the delicately balanced Perfectly Cooked Risotto. 

  “I’ve met them all, I just like sabotaging pretty girls.”

Once the pretense of cooking is underway, the gossip begins.  The usual suspects are there – Rodolpho has Facebooked Joanna, which warrents another retelling of Ana’s infamous “in the mood for Cuban” Facebook attack, and the subsequent texting that may or may not have happened.  Once again, Ana says Karent and Rodolpho’s relationship isn’t real.  Joanna doesn’t know who to believe and I still don’t care.  The subject changes to the women’s own less than successful romantic lives (mmmmHMM) and Joanna asks about Ana’s marriage, and Ana explains that while trying to maintain like, eight careers, she and Robert let their marriage slide.  Joanna knows how that goes, what with all her hosting and dancing and smiling, she hasn’t been giving Romain the attention he needs.  Ana advises her to stop that shit right in its tracks or she’ll be on Romain as soon as she can bleach her hair. 

Speaking of discomfort, let’s check in on Karent and Rodolpho.  Rodo’s just in from Mexico, and all he wants to do is make sweet, sweet – I can’t finish that sentence without barfing.  Just imagine and barf on your own.  But instead of that business, Karent wants to talk about the girls!  Like, she physically pushes Rodolpho away in order to talk about Adriana.  Rodo pouts in his chair and half-heartedly responds that if the women are going to be bitchy to Karent, Karent should be a bitch back.  I don’t think Karent is smart enough to be a bitch back. 

OMG!  Where’d all her teeth go?!!

Rodo looks more and more pained the longer Karent drones on, and I think I believe their a real couple now.  I mean, she’s withholding sex and he’s miserable.  Either that or it’s all a front and he’s gay.  Oh m, God.  Gasmii…  I think I may have hit on something…  Could all this bullshit about him and other women just be overcompensation for you know what?

????

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

17 Comments

  1. 1
    Holyterror
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Marta and every other singer/dancer/actress/model who actually does nothing, though she’s always so over-extended, needs to make a daily log of everything she’s earned that day, and everything she’s paid out that day for her lodgings and food and general upkeep. Something tells me the earnings side will be quite spare, and the expenses side will reflect nothing near what it would cost to rent and heat/cool an apartment, maintain a car, and feed her un-slim face.

    When I see anyone like her, I can’t get past how many dopey hats, new outfits, impractical pairs of shoes, and heavy-though-not-flattering layers of makeup they seem able to afford. Kick her ass out — you’ll do her a world of good.

  2. 2
    Catherine
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/10/dui-millionaire-john-goodman-prison-ankle-bracelet-mirror#comments

    I put this on the old recap comment section, but it was almost a week later so I don’t know if anyone saw it. It’s about the DUI guy that lea blacks husband is representing. I wasn’t sure if anyone figured this out earlier.

  3. 3
    Holyterror
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Catherine,
    The Goodman trial is being repeated on TruTv this week — Goodman will be on the stand on Monday.

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    @Alejandra ROFL @
    Frederic’s so annoyed he’s buttoned his shirt

    That’s when I knew things were to get ugly real fast.

    How’s Marta moving in with Lisa going to sit with Daysy?

    It seems like just about all of their worst beauty problem isn’t even age. But that they were prettier before they got operations and injections etc. Joanna didn’t need to get her lips blown up. Specially not to pool toy size.

    You can’t look at Karent without thinking of that saying about biting off your nose to spite your face. (And how Paris and Nicole used to call people hungry tigers)

    Lea’s green card joke was just as funny as it was the 1st time she told it. At Marysol’s engagement party. In case anybody missed season 1. What the fuck happened to her? That she turned out so disgusting.

    On the positive side Mama Elsa’s flamenco arm move works right into the horse riding dance! But everybody’s probably already found that out doing it in the mirror.

  5. 5
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    I like tasteless jokes so I laughed at the green card comment. :(

  6. 6
    MsMmm MsMmm
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Did anyone else notice a cold sore on Rodolfo during the pool scene? May be why Karent didn’t actually make lip contact during their super fake kiss at the party. If that was meant to convince viewers and cast members that they are a ‘couple’ then it was a EPIC FAIL.

  7. 7
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted October 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    i thought it was funny when she told Marysol he got his green card and left because that was so true!! haha i think Karent is hilariously naive!! i Liked seeing Mama Elsa shake it having a blast, next week Alexia looks like a total bitch to Karent though! can’t wait for thursday, this show picks up so fast, i wonder how many episodes its going to last.

  8. 8
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted October 14, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    The only reason Joanna doesn’t want Marta to move out is because then she and Romain will be left alone. And then they will be force to deal with their crap, since they won’t have Marta there to act as a buffer and distraction.

    Wasn’t that Thomas guy on RHOA and was supposedly one of Kim’s best friends?

  9. 9
    polk8dot
    Posted October 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    @realhousewivesfan: ‘i thought it was funny when she told Marysol he got his green card and left because that was so true!! haha’

    I’m not sure that is entirely correct. According to the immigration law, you can apply for a green card after the marriage, but it is subject to revocation in case of a desolution of marriage ahead of a required time length. From his working as as ‘entrepreneur’ and trying to peddle his wares via the show, I’d guess that he’d already had a green card and did not need a marriage to cement his legal status. He would have needed it to apply for American citizenship, but that time requirement is 3 full years or marriage, without separation of divorce, and that was clearly not happening. Since we do not know what Felippe’s immigrant status was before the marriage, it is just useless and baseless speculating on the outcome.

    Whatever the case may be though, Lea’s behavior was atrocious. She is rude, obnoxious and she clearly aimed to HURT with this comment, especially after seeing what a dagger it was to Marysol’s heart the first time around. This woman – sorry, this Old Hag Bitch, is getting worse by the episode. And her hyena fake laugh after she makes ANY kind of statement, like ‘Oh, my god, look at me, ain’t I sooooooo witty, ain’t I a hoot?!’… She can’t make any normal statements anymore; EVERY SINGLE Fucking ONE has to be crowned with a slithery, venomous cackling. It makes me itch all over hearing her faux jokes and ‘witticisms’.

    And did anyone notice that she ALWAYS comes by herself to these events, or brings a Tranny-Separated at Birth-Twin, with even worse manners and more fame whorish displays of classlessness. She loves to pick on everybody and their relationships, I wonder no one ever asks her why her husband is never around? Maybe he too can’t stand her hyena antics.
    In short – HATE this CUNT.

  10. 10
    Catherine
    Posted October 14, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    @sagittariuskim. — I was thinking the same thing, was that the eccentric Miami guys house the real h of Atlanta stayed at

  11. 11
    Catherine
    Posted October 14, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    And I saw the cold sore too

  12. 12
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 7:17 am

    @polk8dot – I have to say I agree with you 100%, Lea constantly says horrific things and then just laughs it of as a “joke.” She’s wrse than Ter from RHONJ. Ugh, Lea sux.

    Actually all of these ladies embody the absolute worst of Miami, and it embarrasses me that they live here. So embarrassing.

  13. 13
    mere2142
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 9:16 am

    @sagittariuskim and Catherine – I thought it was the same guy as well. They seem to make the rounds of the Bravo shows.

  14. 14
    labowner
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Polk8dot maybe their marriage is the “cheaper to keep her” variety.

    It finally hit me. Romain reminds me of a young Matt LeBlanc. For my tastes, yuck.

    I know you didn’t appreciate the FB stalking Alejandra, but I thought it was funny and a reality in lots of peoples lives.

    Thanks for the funny recap. Can’t wait for next week. Hope it is not all hype.

  15. 15
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    @polk8dot: Damn you hit the nail on the head! Not only about Lea being an evil bitch, but Philippe did NOT need Marysol for a “green card” (and yes, I DO recall her making the joke the first time…and it was in JUST as poor taste then – what a fucking plastic washed up trainwreck of a human being).

    I adore Ana. I don’t think she’s at all obsessing over Karent; Karent and her cheating/asshat/”I dont want to hear ONE MORE WORD about those women telling lies about me” [cough] boyfriend [cough] are driving poor Ana nuts and making her uncomfortable whilst out with her real friends.

    And how do I always get the goddammed apartments that have loud mother fuckers hanging on the stairs shouting into their phones and playing their shitty ass music right outside my bedroom window?!?!? Sorry. I needed to vent :-)

  16. 16
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    @polk8dot You need to apologize to hyenas.

  17. 17
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    @Polk8dot well when i watched the show i got the impression it’s just no way a wealthy good looking younger man would want to tie himself down to someone like Marysol, as much as i love Elsa, just look she’s morphing into her mother. I just think it makes good TV and Marysol is not much of a personality. shes only only on cause of her mom. LOVE Leah’s make over. i Think being mean is only acceptable when its meant to be funny, prob explains why i like Teresa lol I’m pretty good at it. for example my friends a uber slut but i love her and so i joked “hey look at that squirl!! aren’t ya gonna fuck it?” infront of a few guy frineds who know she is. lol i know im probably on this other spectrum. It’s all good.

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