This episode is to a large extent about fooling oneself. Joanna fools herself into thinking her relationship is going to work out. Karent fools herself into thinking that her Latin soap star boyfriend is totally NOT cheating on her and absolutely wants to get married. Adriana fools herself into thinking living on a boat is something rich people do. And Lea fools herself into thinking that AFTER one causes a fatal accident is the appropriate time to have a few drinks.
“I mean, it’s certainly not BEFORE.”
But before we start, HEY GASMII!! I missed you guys! I was in NYC for the summer without DVR, so my recapping had to be suspended. But I am so, so happy to be back, and not just to be back – to be back writing about Housewives whose plastic surgery and probable coke use is rivaled ONLY by that of Orange County! Thanks for having me, RHOM, it’s gonna be a fun Autumn of mutual hatred. Ladies, if you’re reading this, I can be found at @alxaugust on Twitter. See you soon.
I feel I should warn you all, Gasmii – I didn’t actually watch the first season of RHOM. I saw that awesome clip of Elsa schooling Marysol on the necessity of always having live flowers in one’s home, and listened to Nads tell awesome stories about her, but that was as far as I got. Basically, I’m sorry if I don’t love the same people you love, or hate the same people you hate because they’ve all of a sudden become far better or worse behaved between seasons (I’m looking at you Tamra Barney). Fair warning, and I hope we can still get along. If you want to know why I offer this disclaimer, check out the reactions to my “A-List: NY Season 2” recaps when I professed a love of Austin.
Since I don’t know much about these women, let’s use their quotes in the credits to play a game I like to call “Snap Judgement.” I listen to someone for as long as it takes to sound byte them, and then give my immediate point of view of their personality. It’s super fun, but I don’t recommend you play it aloud with real people.
Joanna – “I’m a model, but not always a model citizen.” Asshole.
Karent – “If you don’t like my smile, don’t look my way.” Weirdo.
Lisa – “My husband’s the top plastic surgeon in this town, and I’m his best creation.” CREEPY.
Adriana – “I may speak five languages, but my true language is independence.” Single.
Marysol – “My job is about making fast decisions, but my personal life I leave up to destiny.” See above.
Ana – “Whether in the courtroom or in the kitchen, I bring the heat.” Bored.
Lea – “I can deal with a lot, but I can’t deal with stupid.” LOVE.
Please feel free to play this game in the comments – sharing judgment is what brings this site together.