RHOM Recap: Let’s Go to BiminyZzzzzzzzz…

Lea seems pleasantly surprised to be chosen for the ocean house, and when Alexia snarks that Lea can come crash at bayside with the rest of the have-nots, Lea scoffs that she’s more than fine with the arrangements.  The other girls are less high-maintenance – “except for maybe Lisa.”  Ha!  Before Lea can escape, Alexia grabs hold of her with one of her lobster claws and “whispers” that Lea needs to come back at some point because Alexia needs some advice.  Lea doesn’t believe that shit for a second and giggles, “What are you stirring up?” before leaving.  Alexia does the worst Bambi impression ever, when the other girls ask what’s up, and just explains that she’s found something out about one of the girls in the other house and she needs Lea’s advice on how to handle it.  Oh, Karen’t.  You’re in the wood shed and you don’t even know it…

 Mention my son again.  I dare you.

Karen’t hops in a golf cart with Joanna, Lisa and a more than a little nervous Lea to drive them over to the manse, and Lea’s all, “You know how to do this, right?  Right?  I’m just gonna do it, seriously Karen’t, I’ll just do it – give me the keys- AAAAAAH!!”  Despite all the beauty of this island, watching these ladies clomp around in espadrilles in the middle of hurricane central is making all sorts of giggle-worthy scenarios pop through my brain.  Can you imagine how fast Lisa would blow away?  At least she’d float if she had to make a water landing.  Marysol’s face would probably sink like a damn stone leaving her anchored to the ocean floor in a permanent headstand…

The only thing wrong with Oceanside Manse is that there appears to be only one master bedroom, and two children’s rooms.  Lea grabs the boy one without a second thought and starts unpacking her Space Bags, and Lisa comments on how Lea’s room choice reveals how humble the other woman truly is.  No, Sweetie.  The fact that Lea buys one of her luggage components off the TeeVee shows how humble she is.  Don’t get it twisted.  There’s some minor fighting about the master, but eventually Lisa gets it.  I’d go into further detail, but it was really boring.  Just imagine a ten-year-old’s birthday party and you’ll have gotten the gist, minus some pizza and beer, I mean soda…

Once all that business is settled, Lisa, Karen’t and Lea hang out and the two younger women kiss Lea’s diamond ass.  Smart move.  Very smart move.  Karen’t’s all, “I’ve just really fallen in love with you the past few weeks – you tell it like it is.”  Then Lea asks what the fuck is up with Rodolpho!  Because when she’s lobbed a softball, she uses it to hit a home run right where it hurts.  Karen’t isn’t talking about Rodolpho for more than two minutes before she’s crying, and now I’m back to thinking their relationship is real.  Lisa is sympathetic, but Lea’s more, “So you were together for eight months, then broke up and now you’ve been together for another eight months and that’s it?  Find something else.”  She says as much, and Karen’t cries some more, either from the truth or from a sixth sense that doom will soon be upon her. 

Look who’s here!