RHOM Recap: Let’s Go to BiminyZzzzzzzzz…

Adriana arrives and is just so frustrated and tired and it’s all too much!  You wanna know the flight time to Biminy, y’all?  33 minutes.  My commute to work is longer.  Lea arrives shortly after to keep her appointment with Alexia, and I finally understand how she keeps herself up.  It’s not plastic surgery!

  It’s mummification!  New trend, y’all.

The ladies all head to the bathroom to get ready and to finally hear what Alexia’s big news is.  Apparently, a writer she knows and trusts sent a story to her magazine’s office about Rodolpho’s new relationship with his 24-year-old co-star – Ana!  The story comes with the requisite incriminating pictures, and everyone believes it that Rodolpho is cheating because they hate her and want her to fail the story looks like it’s a page out of the fucking Enquirer  real. What follows is a 20-minute discussion in which the ladies justify confronting and embarrassing the shit out of Karen’t in front of her friends AND on TV.  I think it’s time for some SUBTEXT!

Alexia: I just feel really bad about this whole thing, she should know about this.  Remember when Karen’t had the gall to mention my son?  Payback’s a bitch!

Adriana: Karen’t and I aren’t the best of friends right now, but given my own experiences, I’d want to know if someone was cheating on me.  Remember when she beat me to the tweet?  Payback’s a bitch!

Lea: If your magazine doesn’t publish this article, will she read it someplace else?  Has it already been published?  Just how surprised is she gonna be?  Because if she’s already read it, I’ll just go to bed early.

Alexia:  This is terrible – look at the picture, I mean, Karen’t’s a pretty girl, but this girl is beautiful.  And 24.  So sad.  Hahahahahahaaa!!!!

Ana:  Wait, her name’s Ana?  Maybe THAT’S who texted Rodolpho that night and he let her think it was me to cover his own ass!  Shit, I forgot to wash Robert’s balls before I left – what’s he gonna do?  I’m gonna call him – should I call him?

Lea: Honestly, I hate to hear it.  I love it!  Can we tell her now?

Alexia:  So, if you were Karen’t, would you want to know about this?  I can tell her and pretend I’m being a good person, right?  That’ll fly?

Adriana:  Absolutely, she wants kids, and at her age, she shouldn’t be wasting time on this loser.  OMG, we’re gonna destroy this bitch!!  She’s old and this was totally her last shot!

Alexia:  Plus, there’s no way I think she doesn’t know about this already.  It’s on the internet, she has a publicist, how could this not have come to her attention?  But, on the off chance it hasn’t, I shall seize the opportunity to exact my revenge.

Lea:  Regardless of whether or not it’s true, if this article is out there and other people are reading it thinking it’s true, she needs to know so she can confront him and tell him to behave.  Conscience, silenced!