We return to the sound of ticking biological clocks (and marriage clocks when it comes to Lisa), as we follow Lisa to an acupuncturist visit and visit Karen’t as she holds her boyfriend hostage in the dentist chair to talk babies. Lisa hates needles, so it’s kinda funny watching them get put in her head, but I do feel bad for her. Most because she keeps talking about how her miscarriages are affecting her marriage and how insensitive Lenny is to her struggle. I can’t imagine any man being anything but supportive of a wife who tries as hard as Lisa does, and I don’t want to think about what he’s said to her when the cameras aren’t rolling. I have a feeling it’s worse than what she lets on.
As for Karen’t, it’s pure comedy as she literally forces her dentistry on Rodolpho and starts gabbing about freezing embryos while simultaneously making it impossible for him to talk or, like, protest. She starts tearing up when it comes time to actually ask him if that’s a step he wants to take, and he sweetly lets her down gently.
No, babe. I sex too much with other women. Shhhh…
If that weren’t enough, he gets dragged to dinner with Lisa, Joanna, Lenny and Romain. The ladies head to the bathroom, and the entire segment consists of basically this:
ROMAIN: You guys engaged?
RODOLPHO: Nope.
ROMAIN: And you’re an international star with lots of female fans?
RODOLPHO: Yup.
ROMAIN: But you’re not engaged.
RODOLPHO: Nope.
ROMAIN: That sounds amazing. I mean, you should get engaged. Engagement is amazing. I love being engaged.
Scene.
It’s awkward to say the least, though they look like they’re eating tamales, so I’m smiling and thinking about the taco truck I’m gonna hit up after I’m done writing as my reward. Commercial!
And now for a couple of people I want to be when I grow up – Frederic’s parents! They are the Frenchiest Frenchies who ever Frenched, and boy do they wear it well. God could not have created two more elegant people, and I could listen to them talk all damn day. Ain’t no accent like an upper crust French accent. Why their son looks like a professional tango dancer all time, I have no idea. He must have been raised primarily by nannies. Jean-Pierre and Suzanne have taste for days. For DAYS.
They’re in town to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, and Adriana can’t comprehend a couple staying together that long. She’s a little too agog at the number and I think I see a wrinkle of discomfort in Frederic’s leathery face that I haven’t seen before. Could he finally be getting the message?
Probably not. Good thing he’s got a boat to work on.
We head to Joanna’s for the most pleasant amount of time I’ve spent there so far. Jolanta, Mama Krupa, is visitin, and Romain and Joanna hop into bead with her and Marta for a creepy/cute morning cuddle session. Marta’s fully regressed back to being a six-year-old wearing what look like rainbow footie pajamas, and she and Romain grab coffee while Joanna and Jolanta make French toast. In the kitchen, Joanna asks for advice about her relationship with Romain, and we get some real insight into why Joanna is the way she is. Her dad wasn’t around that much, and according to Jolanta, Joanna took the brunt of helping raise Marta and assisting her mother in whatever way she could. Mama Krupa is moved to tears when she explains that Joanna had to be so strong growing up that it’s hard for her now to let Romain take care of her. It’s really sweet, y’all. Poor, awesome Jolanta, cursed with ridiculous daughters…
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- Adriana gets more grating with each episode. Her constant moaning about ‘lack of trust’ etc. is seriously making me gag by now. It seems to be the ONLY thing she has going for a storyline, and I think she’s milked that cow dry!
- I want to be as awesome as Ana in my next life. I’ll do without her nasty, spoiled daughters, though.
- Joanna is just simply useless. I do not buy for a minute the explanation her mom gave as a root of her issues. I spent my younger years (12-24) raising my brother and sister (6 and 8 years younger, respectively), after my father died suddenly and my mom checked-out physically and emotionally for the next decade. I ran the household, cooked, shopped, cleaned, keept the whole thing from falling apart and the kids from sliding into ‘bad society’. All while making sure they finished their education as I pressed on with mine. All 3 of us grew up to be proud, productive members of society, hard working and dedicated to our families. The life’s trials were many, for all of us, yet none have turned to alcoholism, dushbaggery and asshole-ry. I totally sympathize with Joanna, but she was given sooooo much more than an average person in her situation, by being beautiful and able to build her future on that. I think there is a serious kink in her personality, which also resonates in Marta’s, that momma Jola does not want to see and acknowledge. They might have had a hard childhood, but the problems they face now, being spoiled, lazy and entitled, make me think that they are well versed in guilting mom (and everyone else who falls for it) into getting their way. But since life does not work that way, at least not all the time, their true selves get the spotlight a lot. Sometimes there is just no explanation for being a self-absorbed, drunkard asshole.
- Lea – ‘I can deal with a lot but I CAN’T deal with a pompous ass’. This woman is SOOOOO FAKE it amazes me she has any true friends (wonder how quick they’d run for the hills had she lost the husband and his money).
- Lisa – there is just something so WRONG about her marriage, and her inlaws’ treatment of her. It kind of reinforces my suspicion of the marriage being one of convenience. As in, Lenny needed to get his parents of his back without compromising the secrets of his private life (I can’t be the only one whose gay-dar rings high on him), so he made an agreement with Lisa for an equal exchange – my money, house, etc. for a baby or two, and no eye on my indescretions. That’s the ONLY reason I can imagine for his being ‘insensitive and hurtful’ to her over lack of kids. (It is also possible that the whole arrangement was only in Lenny’s head, and she was never made aware ot if – though I doubt it – in which case I’d really feel sorry for her).
- Karen’t – BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The level of denial and delusion on that one is just mind blowing!
Frederic’s got the world’s awesomest TV parents. Unless they were actors he hired to get Adriana to change her mind about marriage.
I wonder if we’re being set up for a season finale where she either finally decides to quit letting that scumbag piece of trash sperm donor run her life. And tells Frederic he can go ahead and propose. So
Bravohe rents 1 of Lea’s extra private islands andthe set design dept gets a mess of art school kids that’ll work for portfolio pointschops off around the edges to make it shaped like a heart and covers the whole thing with like a foot petals pulled off of whatever her favorite rose is.So he finishes fixing up the boat and rides her out there in it. And she thinks is the most amazing boat she ever saw. Then they have the cheesiest proposal scene in reality tv history.
Where it turns out Frederic secretly bought the President Vargas diamond when he met Adriana. (Which is also how come they’re going to have to live on a boat) And has been carrying it around in his pocket. Just waiting for her to at least agree to get engaged.
So they start back for Miami to tell the rest of the Real Housewives. With Adriana all happy for once. But then like 20 min later she realizes it’s really a boat. And isn’t going to turn into a house just because she’s putting mascara on.
So she ends up getting mad and dumping his ass.
Polk8dot I thought there was something fishy about Lenny/Lisa. (Anyone watch Shameless?)
Maybe Lisa cries a little too much whoa is me because she doesn’t have anything to do. Maybe Lenny is a little tired of her whining when she has nothing to complain about. Have we been told they both their systems work? Maybe Lisa’s body is secretly rejecting Lenny? The mind is a powerful thing. Oh and why are they selling the house? Might there be trouble in paradise?
Anyone notice Lenny’s mom (russian) was complaining about O’Bama wanting to share everything? So rich.
Frederic’s parents were amazing and way too good for this show.
Lea was being inappropriate all over the show. Don’t want to talk about Marysol behind her back, but no problems talking about Ana? Ana you are too good for this show, but please don’t go until after Bimini.
Marysol – why not show the texts you keep claiming you have and get this over with?
Damn, you guys make such good points there’s not much else to say!
I, too, am soooo over Adriana. And Lea’s a giant two faced FAKE. And James/Elaine needs to STFU and leave Marysol alone, but Marysol needs to quit being a coward. And Ana is waaaay too good for this show. And there really is something *off* about Lenny (and if he’s truly being anything but kind and sympathetic to Lisa someone needs to tear his balls off and feed them to him). And Karen’t is so delusional it’s almost [almost] sad. And Joanna and Marta need to grow the eff up and take some responsibility for their actions.
Yup.
It’s easy to be hard on James /Elaine but most people get pretty perturbed when someone starts fricking with there income.
@Tiger: Excellent point, except that I don’t believe for one nanosecond that Marysol actually committed as heinous a “crime” as James/Elaine believes lol. I instead believe the awesome and most fabulous I-Can-Not-Recall-Her-Name who identified Elaine as a big fat liar with the propensity to exaggerate
BTW Alejandra I totally forgot to compliment your “Family Tradition”! That rocks. Ours is a very loud and annoying stuffed Santa that booms out “Ho ho ho” and then Christmas music when you walk in front of him, scaring the shit out of passersby.
Sorry Tiger, who in their right mind is mad about something that happened over 2 years ago? Oh a drama queen that is trying to get a spot on a lucrative franchise. Unless James has concrete proof, he is damaging Marysol’s reputation as much as he is claiming she is ruining hers, if not more as she has a real company.
labowner: Hear, hear! Excellent point about James/Elaine wanting a more permanent position.