And holy shit… it’s not just Alex’s recital. It’s a duet.
This whole thing just got a helluva lot creepier.
I can’t decide what’s worse – the amount of décolletage or the fact that it’s sitting next to something that used to suck on it.
Adriana interviews that really, all she wants is someone to love. After the recital, Frederic and Adriana tell Alex that they’re finally going to get married and move onto the boat – yay! And Alex gets to live in the basement or “hold” of said boat! Alex, if possible, looks both nonchalant and annoyed at his impending future that includes a new father with a shaved chest and a new home with a motor.
Simultaneously, Joanna and Romain engage in one of the most over-produced, staged moments I’ve seen on a Housewives franchise, yet. She comes home to rose petals everywhere, and Romain all dressed up and French, looking smoldering as only ze French men can… He re-proposes to her, this time not with one diamond, but a whole strand of them! Smart man. The proposal (and yet another apology for the ancient e-mails of betrayal) is exactly the move Joanna’s been waiting for from Romain. She says yes yes yes and they set a date for next spring. I guess you kinda had to be there, but for a Polish supermodel and a French nightclub owner, they pulled off Mexican Soap Opera really well.
In less happy-go-lucky pastures, Ana and Robert finally sign their divorce papers. This shit looks waaaay more genuine than the respective marriage announcements we just saw. Either I’m a little cynical about the survival rate of love on reality television, or I’ve just been on a plane all day and happiness now offends me. In any case, Ana breaks down like she did in Biminy, and all Robert does is make fun of her and rolls his eyes about how she can be sad about something that’s been coming for two years. He finally badgers her into signing and initialing, and once that’s done (SIGH), Shitface and Urinetown pop in and the older one starts making fun of her mother for crying at the end of her 23 year marriage. Kati actually earned her name back by showing concern for her mother, sweetly telling Robert and Urinetown to leave their mother alone. Ana interviews that Robert makes light of things in an effort to make HER feel less emotional. Absolutely.
It is not because THIS MAN is an asshole.
In other asshole breakups, Marysol decides it’s time to have yet MORE drinks and yet MORE discussions about their failed marriage. I wish I could go into more detail about the whole thing, but I couldn’t stop paying attention to the fact that Phillippe’s face looks like a penis with uneven facial hair. Whatever, it seems like they’re in a good place. And by good place, I mean fuckbuddies. The grossest fuckbuddies ever to have buddyfucked.