RHOM Recap: E-Trayal

Recaps

By Alejandra | Tuesday, October 23, 2012 | 6:00 am | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

Jo decides that she’s going to make risotto like Ana taught her for a romantic dinner for Romain, and Lisa takes the opportunity to talk about how Lenny grunts at something he wants in a cookbook and she orders it for him.  I’m uncomfortable.  Lisa jokes that Joanna should just order in and tell Romain she cooked it.  Jo thinks he’s too smart for that, and I agree.  He would probably laugh his head off, though, so maybe not a bad move…

And now for our weekly dose of Robert, the world’s first eighth grade attorney.  Luckily for him, his mom Ana keeps him out of trouble despite his insulting and awful jokes.  Another thing that’s gumming up Ana and Robert’s divorce?  They have a law practice together.  Gross.  Robert wants to dissolve the practice and start separate new ones, but if Ana has an opinion regarding this turn of events, we don’t hear it, she’s too distracted making Robert sign a pre-pre-nup and catching it on camera.  She hilariously interviews that Robert gets taken advantage of a lot, so it’s up to her to make sure he doesn’t get gold-dug – for the children’s sake.  Robert sounds like a stand-up guy.

Commercial!

Because we didn’t get enough of it at the actual party, Lisa heads over to Karent’s mom’s house to rehash the fight at Alexia’s party.  Karent dishes and Lisa that she, like me, thinks it’s bullshit the way Adriana and Alexia handled themselves.  She also calls them fat, which is AWESOME.  Not true, but awesome.  When Karent tells Lisa that Alexia talked shit about the new girls needing to “know their place,” that does not sit well with Lisa at all.  So much so that I’m DYING for a confrontation to go down with either Adriana or Alexia so the trailer park can come outta Lisa and teach these puntas how we do it outside Coral Gables. 

On the other side of the fence, Ana visits Alexia who’s playing with Frankie outside.  The kid does look like he’s doing better, but it’s clear he suffered some brain damage.  All joking aside, I hope he makes a full recovery.  It looks like Alexia kind of realizes how overboard her behavior was because she admits to Ana that the “Cuban” came out on Karent.  But then she and Ana proceed to claim that Karent deserved it and spend the rest of the segment cutting her to shreds.  If you have too much going on to worry about Karent, don’t send your son inside so you can talk about her on a reality show. 

And now for a very special episode…  Joanna is looking on Romain’s computer and has found… flirtatious texts and emails from almost a year before.  !!!!!  She calls Marta and explains that “something” (a producer) told her to check (delve through) Romain’s email, and she’s found he had a pretty emotional affair with someone earlier that year.  It’s pretty bad, but it looks very staged.   I believe that it happened, but I don’t believe this is the first time she’s heard about it.  Oh well, for the sake of the recap, Romain bad!  Feel sorry for Joanna.  Commercial!

Sad monkey…

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

8 Comments

  1. 1
    fatcamp fatcamp
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 6:52 am

    I DIED when Elsa called out Elaine. “I would not be caught dead in dat rrrrred rrrrag.” AMAZING. I forgive your face now, Elsa.

  2. 2
    labowner
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

    “She also calls them fat, which is AWESOME”

    How is that statement any less kindergarten behavior?

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 10:37 am

    @Alejandra I’m enjoying the hell out of your recaps! Because of stuff like this:

    she looks at Elaine like a really overdressed cockroach just sat down next to her
    She only did that because that’s exactly what had happened though.

    Elaine’s a disgrace to Drag Queens. And I’m calling it “red rag” from now on.

    I had to go (¬_¬) at Adriana bragging about how she had Mama Elsa’s back. When she didn’t do jackshit. But then it’s not like Mama Elsa needs help to stomp on an overdressed cuca. Plus I’m suspicious she didn’t want Adriana or anybody else trying to. And Adriana’d rather look lame to the world than piss Mama Elsa off. I would too.

    Oh I also have to apologize because I said they never said Carlos Cruz-Diez’s name in his episode. It did get said but just once and not loud and if you blinked like me you missed it. (And also for not putting a pain pill warning at the start of this comment)

    Adriana’s right about how Karent acted. No matter who any of them are. Just because of his age she was wrong. In 2039 that whole scene’s going to be still getting analyzed to death some places.

    But what’s really got Adriana mad isn’t even about that. It’s because she hooked Karent’s ass up to get on the show in the 1st place. And now she’s getting reflected on and embarrassed. So when she hollers at Karent she’s really hollering at herself. For getting mixed up with the wrong person. Again.

    I already confessed having a pro Adriana bias. But if she thinks I’m going to defend her slapping anybody she better sit down to wait.

    But with Alexia it’s the opposite. Because of something I already had 1 hissy fit about on here. When it’s not the place. So all the comment about her I can say is I’ve sat down to wait to see what she’s going to do about that husband she’s got.

    Who wants to stare longingly at food that has no vehicle to your mouth?
    made me LOL. It also made me so thankful to have dishes AND paper plates that I had go get a big piece of fat cake some salad.

    I love that pic of Ru. I would’ve left his real eyes on though. Since black eyes and yellow hair’s such a pretty look. But so few people come like that. And it’s near about impossible to get it to look good if they didn’t. But Ru styles up beautiful any which way.

  4. 4
    Jason
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Karent is like an encyclopedia salesman. You can insult them, ignore them, taunt them, and they’ll just keep smiling away.

    In any case, this show is a dud. The only reason to watch it is when Romain’s on. If I had that man, I’d be doing all sorts of nasty things seen only in XXX films to him, to keep him happy and horny. Joanna’s a big, boring, plastic bore, and her sister is like a flea on a bore’s back.

  5. 5
    polk8dot
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Elsa’s cut down of Elaine was a thing of beauty. Gotta love this woman!
    Adriana knows what side her bread is buttered on (Mama Elsa’s side, duuh ;) ), and she will protect her stake in any territory to the end, especially from ‘f#$king wannabes’. And that includes Both Elaine and Karen_(T?) .

    Ana’s husband is truly the most worthless piece of male insignificance I’ve seen in a long time. For shame, guy, grow some balls already! His treating Ana like his mommy creeps me out.

    Speaking of creepy – how can a woman so pretty, so self-assured, so willful, so clearly educated and thus possessed of some tangible intelligence, be so fricking stupid? I’m beginning to believe that she is fully in on the joke with the fake relationship with the ‘Lating Soap Star’. There is no way in hell that she truly thinks they are in a REAL relationship, right? Whatever her reason for it (ummm,… publicity???? eye roll) she must know we all see the bullshit behind it. I think she let herself slip when she told Adriana that she is ‘an actress and a spokesperson’. Bwahahah. To me that confirmed that she is just a famewhore, like some of the basest of the housewives (Nene and KimZ, hello), and she will do anything to increase her PR exposure, and a ‘relationship’ with all its fake ups and downs is a great way to hog some camera time.
    So I can – maybe – understand her motivation behind it. But she does CREEP the shit out of me with her implanted smile. F@#K me!!!!! It’s as if her cheeks are super glued to the corners of her mouth. How can a NORMAL person keep her mouth open in that painful position ALL THE F@#KING TIME?!?!? I can’t imagine her having any real friends left, especially women. Her smile (‘if you don’t like it don’t look my way’) is as grating as her plastic fake personality.

    Joanna – can’t believe she had NO DISHES in the house!!! 5 years of living together, and she NEVER EVER ONCE bothered to cook for him? No words……

    Lisa – surprisingly, I am really warming up to her. I thought (on first look – my bad :( ) that she is just like Shlemille, empty and vapid. But she proved me wrong. She’s warm, funny, friendly, NOT stupid (still waiting to see how smart actually), caring, and speaks her mind (always admirable if you can do it without being an ASSHOLE, and she does). I saw her pic from Playboy – God, she used to be so freshly, girly beautiful! What the hell did she do to her face? She is still so young, and already soooooo much plastic surgery damage? Why???

    Leah – Her hateful condescension to all the women sickens me. She is an empty shell of a person, with an absent husband who seems not to give a crap about her. Yet she behaves as if she were the Emperess of Miami, the Sun Goddess of Philantrophy, and the pilar of the High Society. Bitch, please, get over yourself. You’re old, you’re nasty, jealous and hateful, you’re fake, and you cackle like a hyena. All you ever accomplished on your own was snagging that rich, old , ugly, world-class-liar husband who now wants nothing to do with you. Everything else you bought with his money. You are nothing without them! F-ing viper. And still an ASSHOLE!

  6. 6
    labowner
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Polk8dot – fillers not surgery or she is lying about her age. I see that a lot out here in SF. Young women don’t understand they look older trying to stay young looking.

    Joanna – what a louse. Hasn’t given him or paid for anything in 5 years of being together? Wonder if she made him pay for the dishes?

  7. 7
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    The latter. Back to reading… :-)

  8. 8
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Sorry, I’m way behind in my reading and watching, however…

    “If I didn’t love Elsa before, I sure as shit do now, because she looks at Elaine like a really overdressed cockroach just sat down next to her.”

    …this fan-fucking-tastic statement is so awesome I had to give you props!

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