Because Marta’s life is entirely a function of what happens in Joanna’s, she immediately spills Jo’s dirty Romain laundry to Lisa. Lisa doesn’t buy that Romain would be stupid enough to fuck around on Joanna, but Marta’s not so sure. Daysy tries to hang out on the bed with Marta and Lisa after bringing them dinner in bed, but she soon realizes that when Marta’s in town, Lisa doesn’t need a friendployee. She just needs a ployee. Does anyone else think Daysy watches Lisa sleep?
In preparation for Joanna and Romain’s special night, which is now sullied by e-betrayal, she and Ana go shopping for risotto supplies. Ana’s older and smarter (SO MUCH SMARTER IT IS NOT EVEN MEASURABLE BY CURRENT INSTRUMENTS) than Marta, so she advises Joanna to move with caution regarding the e-trayal. She explains that she and Robert shared only silence (I really want her to wistfully whisper “Silencio,” but I think that reference is too meta) at the end, and the fact that Joanna and Romain are actually fighting means there’s something worth fighting for. Ana advises that Joanna make it seem like she need Romain, because while he probably respects Joanna’s “capabilities” and “accomplishments,” he probably needs to feel wanted and necessary, too. Joanna decides to approach the whole situation calmly and really fight to make it work with Romain.
Is it lame that I really, REALLY want it to work out between these two? Like, almost as much as I wanted Janeway and Chakotay to make sweet, sweet space love way out there in the Delta Quadrant… Where no one could judge them…
Yeah, it’s lame.
And before the episode gets all girly and sad sacky, it’s time for the “Joanna and Marta Bitchcook Hour,” during which I laughed for days. DAYS. First of all, apparently there are no dishes in the house. At all. Joanna seems to have gone to Crate and Barrel and purchased like, an entire kitchen. Sheesh, no wonder no one ever went grocery shopping. Who wants to stare longingly at food that has no vehicle to your mouth? Also, I wish I could go to Crate and Barrel ON A WHIM. #tiredofbeingpoor
Anywho, Marta and Joanna bumble through risotto, but only have one fight and only need to make one emergency call to Ana regarding whether or not it’s safe to use raw broth (it is!). The dinner comes together flawlessly, and the most important part is a success – Marta leaves before Romain gets there! Can you imagine if he came home to a gorgeous romantic dinner only to have Marta walk through the room? Headplosion.
And now for the Yalta of Romantic dinners. Romain comes home and is surprised to find dinner. I kind of roll my eyes because it ain’t news to me that Joanna doesn’t cook. But then it comes out that in the FIVE YEARS they’ve been together, Joanna’s literally paid for one lunch and purchased one watch. That’s five birthdays, five Christmases and countless greeting card holidays that Joanna has completely ignored. No wonder he doesn’t like her anymore. He’s clearly happy she made this effort, though, as evidenced by all his giggling. Gasmii, he has got a boyish side that just DOES things to me I cannot blog about. Moving on.