Aaaaand welcome to the long-delayed (recap) of “The Real Housewives of Miami!” Sorry for the wait, y’all! Got bogged down by the holidays both weeks, but I hope the double-whammy recap makes up for it!
Miss Andy’s here to host, as ususal, but this time in his Easter Sunday Best!
Someone give this man a basket. And a rabbit to sit on…
All the other ladies look amazing, I must say. Except for Joanna’s neck. It looks like it came from H&M – I wonder if she’s like Princess Mambi, but instead of interchangeable heads, she has interchangeable necks.
I don’t know – I kinda see it… Personalitywise, at least.
Ana looks sleek and classy (maybe a little less boob next time, though) and I want Marysol’s dress more than I want my next paycheck. Adriana looks the best I’ve seen her all season, frankly, Lea and Karen’t look about the same, and Lea’s brought out the glass because she is here to WIN.
Conservatively, $25,000,000. Grudgematch – Lea and Vicki’s jewelry.
Keeping on the superficial train bound for dryer pastures, Andy asks who of the ladies has had work done and it’s every single one of them. I’m saddened to learn that Joanna’s boobs have been “enhanced” – they look great, whoever did them, and I’m wondering who caught Lisa’s technical answer, “Well, LENNY’S done my breasts and botox.” Who did your facelift, Babe?
29, folks. And she doesn’t look a day under 50.
With talk of plastic surgery comes the inevitable Elsa question – what the shmuck happened? Marysol, because she’s a good daughter, says something about bad eyelifts during the 80s, and Ana brings up the most likely culprit – silicon filler. For those of you/us not in the know, silicon filler was used in the early days of filler, and the problem is that it doesn’t stay put. It pools under the skin, making one’s face look like clay, and, unfortunately, cannot be removed. Much suckage for Elsa. But, seriously? What an awesome lady – who among us would have the courage to live such a public life and do it without asking for one damn ounce of sympathy?
So ends the discussion on plastic surgery, and so begins a discussion of something almost as superficial – Joanna and Romain’s relationship!
Ever think that they’re only together because each of them is simultaneously the most attractive and most tolerant person the other could attract?
Ironically, the topic of plastic surgery brought out less claws. There’s about two minutes of how happy Joanna and Romain are now given that Mama Krupa forced them both to sit down and told Joanna to stop bringing up those damn emails. Adriana can’t hold her wad for longer than two minutes before she turns into a full-on cockatiel, screaming that Joanna’s recent break-up and reunion was a publicity stunt and that Romain is OBVIOUSLY screwing other women. I hate to say it, but Joanna’s defense that Romain has never been that sexual a man, so when she started getting distant that quality in him came out more sounds pretty feeble. At this point, I think he’s cheating or he’s gay. Those are the only two options I can even begrudgingly get myself to believe.