RHONJ: Mini-FAKE THERAPY SESSION-Cap

Recaps

By J-Mo | Monday, July 2, 2012 | 9:43 am | 37 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

Howdy everybody! This is J-Mo, and I’m filling in for ChickBomb while she takes a well-deserved vacay! This week on the Real Housewives Of New Jersey, everybody meets to have Sunday dinner. Except for Midge and Tre, because they have been spending all of their time getting ready to “do” their big fix-all FAKE-THERAPY SESSION…

with a schlub who likes to keep his hands FAR too near his balls

To be fair, he is dealing with the ever-volatile Tre, and perhaps he forgot to bring a protective cup. It’s a good thing he only has that tiny little harmless plastic IKEA table within her reach, that doubles his chances of exiting this session alive with only minor scarring.

BUT FIRST, let’s go back in time to get a big double-handful of Big Rosebian. She starts out fearlessly chatting with Tre while the Brown Smurf does disgusting things with a barrowful of wet stucco, and then moves on to tell the Wakiles and Gorgas all about the convo. Rosie the Riveter, I just love to watch her work…

the Milkman’s Kid is intrigued to see if those are boobs or moobs

Then everything gets a lot less fun as we trudge over to the Manzos to hear them all yapping about this upcoming Bataan-like RV trip to Napa Valley, so instead we head back over to see Ro and Kathy having dinner with their adorable mom. The subject of the two sisters going out to a lesbiana bar together is brought up…

and Kathy prepares herself to actually see aggressive vaginas in action

Back over at the joyless (and super-successful) Manzos, Lauren is preaching about relationships and bragging about the GRILLED CHICKEN she’s eating while Gay Roommate Greg is looking annoyed that she is sucking up his camera time. Then we get an update on the ever-fascinating Assley and her latest attempt to push the Lauritas into bankruptcy. How does someone with no job and no income afford lip-injections? I guess Tre might know. Anyhow, these irritating failures at parenting are balanced out by hearing Kathy and Ro’s mother relay a terrible yet heart-warming (and tear-jerking) story about truly awful parenting and child abandonment. Which is Recapper Death™, but I’m gonna give it my best shot.

speaking of child-abuse, wait till you hear the story about this picture

And then… it’s time… for the FAKE-THERAPY SESSION…

looks like Midge and his crotch are ready to talk about their feelings

But before we can jump into the fun of watching an educated person try to make sense of anything coming out of Tre or Midge’s mouths, we have to endure Jacque tell yet another random person about her fight with Tre. This time it’s a civilian in the form of her dad. Oh, and Assley’s name comes up again. Dad reaffirms that Jacqueline just cares too much for people. Which is precisely why her daughter turned out so well.

Ok, so Midge meets Tre at the site of the FAKE-THERAPY SESSION that’s going to magically fix all of their problems, and his opening comments to her are so wildly inappropriate that we instantly know 10,483 more sessions are going to be needed to even make a tiny dent in all of the issues that surround these two. Anyhow, Tre gets to be the first one to talk about her gripey-gripes… and you will have to wait for the full recap to find out more about just how nutty these two are. In the meantime, here’s an example of a stereotypical lesbiana bar name…

it doesn’t have the same punch as calling the place “Snatchy’s”, but it’ll do

Actually, that could just as easily be the name of a men’s gay bar as well…

except then it would look like this

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J-Mo
About

J-Mo is a great big fat hairy homo (and he tends to be attracted to the same) who lives with his big fat non-hairy BF in the Valley Of The Sun, a.k.a. Phoenix, Arizona. By day he is an account manager for a giant corporate megaconglomerate and his greatest joy comes from not having to speak directly to the general public any more... also, he can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never never let you forget you're a man.  By night (when he's not recapping) he is a co-choreographer (and the Fattest Backup Dancer In Captivity™) for one of Phoenix's most talented female impersonators known as Devina Ross.  He is also still a part of the Rhythm Nation.

37 Comments

  1. 1
    labowner
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

    I can not wait to see Kathy’s reaction to Teresa’s talking head blaming her for making Rosie feel unwelcome because she was gay. Oh my.

  2. 2
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Maybe she did. I doubt Kathy and Caroline and their old-school ways welcolmed their gay siblings with open arms at first. I imagine it took some getting used to. It can all be water under the bridge now, but doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

  3. 3
    kczar
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 11:42 am

    J-Mo! I’ve missed your snark so much. Can’t wait for TCM for that and more kitty porn.

  4. 4
    labowner
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Sarcasatire what happened to letting the past be the past for Teresa? Who in their right mind says that about anyone? That is now stirring up shit with Kathy/Rosie’s family. Why start? What a cunt.

  5. 5
    Mrngstar
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Gross, it was sooooo uncomfortable watching siblings flirt in the waiting room of a therapist!

  6. 6
    TWhit
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    No joke, Mrngstar!!!

    Also…WTF WAS TERESA WEARING IN THAT LAST INTERVIEW? ZOMG gave me NIGHTMARES…

  7. 7
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Well, aren’t they ALL rehashing the past and old grievances? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Dish it? Then take it. (lol, I’m turning into Cliche Caroline.)

  8. 8
    fancyface
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Yeah but I’m not quite sure what Kathy or Rosie for that matter, has said to deserve that slam. She was doing what she does best, which is transferring any accusation made against her onto someone else. I found that quite disgusting & completely unnecessary.

    How apropos were those rainbow slippers Ro had to wear to her communion, btw? Lol..everything’s coming up Rosie indeed!

    And I’m also on the WTF train about that last interview look Tre was sporting. My head jerked back like someone punched me in the face (because I’m not pregnant in the face<–american gypsy shit I. Just. CAN'T. Get. Over! That's my new tagline for life!) when she popped up looking like a mix between Cruella Deville, Adam Lambert, & a gothic toucan or something. YIKES!

    Also? Another sad attempt at transference to Jackie about that article. Where did that come from? I'm guessing everything she gets called out for from now on will be blamed on Jackie. Oh..except when she's not blaming Caro, which I don't mind as much because Caro should be punched in the face.

    *She's not pregnant in the face, so I'll just keep hitting her in the face*

  9. 9
    fancyface
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    @labowner…Kathy denied it on twitter…Rosie called it bs & she was PISSED lol.

    *She’s not pregnant in the face, so I’ll just keep hitting her in the face*

  10. 10
    psikitty
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Tre’s stylist has been playing too much Dragon Age, like I have.

    http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100816012428/dragonage/images/e/ef/TevinterMage.jpg

    This was the first thing I thought of when I saw what she was wearing.

    Since she usually looks like a video game character, maybe it isn’t a stretch.

  11. 11
    fancyface
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    LMBOOOOOO!! OMG @PsiKitty….SPOT ON! I can’t!

    Her muthertrucking stylist HATES her ass…no other explanation!

    *She’s not pregnant in the face, so I’ll just keep hitting her in the face*

  12. 12
    labowner
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Teresa can’t afford her makeup/hair stylist anymore for day to day crap. Notice how her hair is not as nicely done as previous seasons?

    I’ve got my evil eye on you Sarcasatire……. :)

  13. 13
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    No one is going to address the biggest offense of the night!?!?! Corona light…what in the hell!!!! *turns up corona extra*

  14. 14
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Oh yeah….and Tre…Keep Your Purse Off The Ground!,!! That’s why you have no money!!!

  15. 15
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    @labowner: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

  16. 16
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:30 am

    This crew is getting so cray cray that I have to watch the epsiode twice b4 I comment.
    My head is still reeling over Tre’s new LV bag, her feather ensemble and the well….mean things she said about Kathy not accepting Rosie. Bitch– yeah Teresa I said that.

    Can we rename Lauren Manzo to “Lush” Manzo– dang girl–likes her wine, no???

  17. 17
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:38 am

    @HOT CAWFEE, in almost every episode she is carrying a new designer bag. The bag she had Sunday is 2400 bucks.

  18. 18
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Can we discuss HOW SMALL the FAKE THERAPISTS hands were? I mean freakishly small.

    Also who’s been waxing wonkey eyebrowed Joe’s face? Half of his eyebrow was GONE. The fug??

    This episode was full of dingbatty cray.

    Anyone else thnk Jac needs to stop wearing those one shoulder numbers. #notflatter!

  19. 19
    Iona Trailer
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Even drag queens wouldn’t have worn or looked like Teresa in the sidebar shot…..it probably scared little kids and small animals too.

    I cried hearing the story about Kathy and Rosie’s mom. Just imagine if that was your mom.

  20. 20
    Iona Trailer
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:27 am

    I forgot to add…..If I were the therapist….I would have smacked Teresa. She totally disrespected him when she said “let’s prove him wrong”.

  21. 21
    Karen
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Tre’s hand bags are fakes…and Rosei was REALLY< REALLY pissed that Tre said that stuff about Kathy. She basically made it clear that kathy was one of the only people who did accept and not question and that Tre would have no idea as they were never close…what a lying C-word!!! Tre is such a delusional twit!

  22. 22
    fancyface
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 8:14 am

    @Classy Drunk…Was your grandmother a little ole southern cooking, ass kicking, keeping in check, superstitious, grey haired, adorable, wrinkly black lady? Because I thought the ‘purse on the floor means no money’ superstition was just some of my Granny’s ole world wisdom nonsense but I LIVE by that SHIT lol. I didn’t know it was so mainstream!

    @Karen…There is NO WAY IN HELL Teresa would be caught DEAD wearing fake handbags! Especially with that bitch Melissa around! She’s still better than her remember? Now if you would’ve said rented or loaned? Maybe. But fake? NEVA, lol!

  23. 23
    trkaelin
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Cubbyhole’s isn’t too bad……. we have a gentleman’s club here in Tenn called Fuzzy Holes. Ewwww. And another called The Mouse’s Ear, which I don’t get…………..

  24. 24
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Dunno about Tre’s bags. Maybe the LV’s are real but keep an eye out for dead give away like brass pegs on the bottom. Leather never ‘tanning’ and on those Berkin’s coming in every damn color to match yout outfit (more seen on ATL) at at least 10k a pop, those bags don’t fold or buckle that easily.

  25. 25
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

    @Gypsy, trust me I am paying attention. Especially to those Berkins. I am always so flabbergasted when one of them has one. Especially in multiple colors. Like Alexis’ purple one.

    @Fancy, my grandmother is all of those things. I don’t care where I am. My bag doesn’t go on the floor. EVER!

  26. 26
    sardini
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Didn’t Tre share a hair and makeup girl with Melissa? Maybe she ditched Teresa and stuck with Melissa. Also, Lauren Manzo needs to understand that wine has empty calories and will make you fat, even with the lap band!

  27. 27
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Joe and Teresa are hiding something. They have too many secrets that no one else is supposed to know. I am guessing that is why she gets so agitated about Melissa.

  28. 28
    annie Annie
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Lmao, what a great episode

    OK, first thing I thought of while gawking at Tre’s outfit was Tina Turner Mad Max Beyond Tunderdome:

    I am so freggin’ confused about Tre and the tabloids…does she, or does she not sell stories to the tabloids for some money? I could have sworn I heard her say that before. If that’s true, it seems she can’t keep it straight in her own head anymore what stories she’s sold with her permission, and what stories they’ve done without her…so she just goes into “deny everything” mode. It’s like she wants the benefits of having a financial relationship with the tabloids, without any of the fallout that comes along with people assuming she’s selling EVERYTHING to them.
    Also, didn’t Juicy tell his contractor they were building the apartment for her parents, and he turned around and told Joey? In Tre’s words: “HELLO” then why can’t she just admit that’s where the rumor started, rather than denying it and pretending like she doesnt know?

    Last, I hate to see Rosie hanging out with that chick. Ro obviously has the hots for her, and that girl is very flirtatious with Rosie but she’s friggin married! It can only lead to Rosie’s heart getting broken which I am NOT OK with!!! Love her!

  29. 29
    annie Annie
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    oops, totally did not mean to make that entire post a link! Damn HTML code.

    anyway, this is the Mad max picture I was referring to:

    http://www.virginmedia.com/images/mad_max-tina_turner-431×300.jpg

  30. 30
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Classy, yes AND Sheree had the same purple one and that micjkey flicker was warping all over ATL, I know it’s hot there, that use to be my hometown but DAYM a 10 bag would be in BLACK not purple AND, that ish is not giving into a little humidity you don’t see that happening to Anniston when she’s globe trotting with hers.

    On the same page, fakes!

  31. 31
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    *Mickey *10K *Anniston’s

    GD vacation typos, LOL!

  32. 32
    2muchbravo
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    OF COURSE Tre is getting paid by the tabloids. She may be less than stellar in the brain dept but do you think Juicy would let her pose with their kids for cover photos for free? I’m sure all they have to do is get her talking in a regular conversation and enough stuff will come out to write 5 articles. She’d never realize it was happening. So, she may say, “No, they didn’t pay me for that story,” but it may have indeed come from her.

    I do not like that sleazy, tattooed chick who’s married to the sports guy. She’s just fucking with Ro’s head and she’s a skank.

  33. 33
    fancyface
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    You guys? I am soooooo on the Heather hating train. She’s not cute & yeah she REALLY does need to stay away from our Rosie!

    Um Bravo? STOP TRYING TO MAKE HEATHER HAPPEN! SHE IS SO NOT FETCH!!

  34. 34
    mistymarie
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    The expensive bags don’t bother me. My guess is publicists are sending them to her for free, hoping she will carry them so they show up in the episodes. The richer you are, the more stuff you get for free. As for the furniture and constructing new outbuildings… I don’t know how they pay for those!

  35. 35
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    @19 Iona– me too– What is it about Kath and Rosie’s Mamathat is so endearing???? She told the story of being given away (and thank God I had warning of it) and I just sobbed. I bet she totally makes the whole film crew sit down to have a bite to eat while filming.
    Cant you picture her sayng “You filmed enoug!!!! Mange, mange– the food is getting cold”

  36. 36
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    @ 34 Misty– WOW– good point– the bags could be total swag from the PR reps.

  37. 37
    Closet Fan
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Just watched a short video of the “therapy” session. Yes, yes the therapist has oddly small hands.

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