RHONJ: Mini-Gayness-Cap

51 Comments

1. 1
   featherhead
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 7:56 am

   I never realized how hot Chris Judd is, boy he has his work cut out for him! Can’t wait till the full recap, I’m so glad you’re filling in J-mo!!

2. 2
   Derek Hazelton
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 7:59 am

   @J-Mo, regarding the dance routine, I thought they were juxtaposing Melissa’s clear lack of talent with Gia’s actual talent. With all of the shit you could talk about that little girl, she really did seem into the dance classes, seemed to really take to it, and I was glad she was picked for the BeanStalk convention (or whatever the hell it was called). Maybe it was Bravo intervention, but she seemed to deserve it more than Joe Gorga paying Cris Judd to blow smoke up Melissa’s ass. (On last night’s WWHL, the Gorgas indicated that they paid Cris LOTS of money to choreograph her performance. Does anyone know an actual amount?)

   Bring on the RVs to Napa. Last night’s episode was light on the drama.

3. 3
   TWhit
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:04 am

   Between J Mom’s *blurk* and Derek’s BeanStalk…really…this is why I’m here. Thank ya’ll for making such boringness so awesome.

4. 4
   TWhit
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:05 am

   J MO! GAWD! Sorry. Heh. *blushing*

5. 5
   Gypsy
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:05 am

   Thanks J-Mo!

   Sooooo much to say but we have the full recap on it’s way but, I just can’t resist a couple comments:
   *zOMG-Dilbert, ROFL on Muff diving!
   *Why was Critterfur wearing a Where’s Waldo sweater at the gay club? He’s a Manzo, we all know who he is!
   *I straight up mean tweeted to Mamma Manzo last night that she is a hypocritical bitch for making those comment about Albie’s air-valve. Didn’t we just see, two weeks ago, a stupid montage of Caro and Al Sr. with Albie living at the Brownstone when they were a struggling young couple? That poor girl, she looked like she was going to throw up the entire night.

   I’m saying it now and holding firm. Caroline is FAR worse than Tre, IMHO.

   As always Milania was Amazeball!

6. 6
   Gypsy
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:09 am

   @Derek, thought the same thing about Gia/Melissa.

   How awesome was WWHL last night? Someone should recap that show!

7. 7
   trkaelin
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:39 am

   Is it just me, or did the openings of the giant catepillar blowup thingy look like a vagina? I laughed when the kids came popping out of it. So that’s what Teresa giving birth looks like. I’m so immature………

8. 8
   Derek Hazelton
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:40 am

   @Gypsy, WWHL is usually a headache, but Mike Tyson last night was one of themore entertaining guests he’s had on in a long time, maybe since the infamous ’227′ reunion. Mike Tyson was rambling, all over the place, and Miss Andy was basically mortified the entire time. I love when Miss Andy gets crazy eyes and loses control of the show because that’s when it’s awesome. And, I also loved that Melissa was blissfully unaware how she was being overshadowed by the awesomeness of Mike Tyson.

9. 9
   BelowSeaLevel
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 9:05 am

   @ Derek, Bean Stalk hahaha! Mike Tyson was awesome last night. Melissa kept trying to talk, but she might as well not even been there. It was funny when he predicted Teresa would win and the poll results had him with only 20 %. Love Mike Tyson.

10. 10
    kctastic
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Mike Tyson totally made it worth watching last night, and I rarely watch WWHL. Tyson is hilarious, and his knowledge of housewives just makes me love him more!

11. 11
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 9:13 am

    @gypsy, Yes yes yes. I am actually going to recommend that WWHL to my male straight friends because it was Tyson-tastic. The shit he was saying about “only in America” and “possession is 9/10s” was genius too. Mel was so uncomfortable.

    Also awkward that Miss Andy showed one of his favorite photos of Tyson from the late 80s and called him a charmer or something like that…. rape trial anyone?

12. 12
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Oh and JMo, I lurve you so much. These recaps make me miss Top Chef so bad!

    Please please please include a screengrab of Melissa’s face when Rosie Real says “not hot like you”. She looked like the cat who ate the canary and I felt winded after watching the excruciating contortions and muscle control it took to keep herself from beaming.

13. 13
    BrattyMcPants
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:07 am

    WWHL was 30 minutes of Mike Tyson win last night. He was comedy gold. Usually WWHL is kind of painful, as Derek Hazelton said, but Mike Tyson’s disjointed rambling was hilarious…especially when he was comparing Tree’s bankruptcy to his own.

    Was anyone else disgusted with Jaq and Melissa’s “sex and shoes” advice for Lindsey? Poor girl. I don’t understand why anyone would date any of the Manzo boys after seeing the show…I sure wouldn’t. And since when is BLK such a time consuming successful business venture? It’s not like Albie is still a law student. As far as I can tell, they spend wayyy too much time at their parents house talking shit about Tree, not peddling the stuff. I just can’t with these people anymore.

14. 14
    Gypsy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:08 am

    RE:WWHL/Tyson. OMG all of the comments were amazing but Miss Andy really lost control when Tyson asked him to help with the gloves and then said in a mocking but hilarious tone “Thank you ANDY COHEN!” HAHAHAHAHA it was amazing! Andy never recovered after that.

    He blew Mel out of the water he was so hilarious and she looked so stoopit trying to throw air punches coming in and out of commercial break. She should have got behind the bar with her husband and liet Tyson and Andy finish the show.

    Best part was when Iron Mike Tweeted after, “I’m serious though, America is the ONLY place you can be broke and live in a mansion.” He should know, right?

15. 15
    Gypsy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Has anyone actually ever had or even seen BLK water???

    Don’t forget the fruit basket Lindsey cause nothing screams wifey more to a man than fruit basket.

16. 16
    L Boogie
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 11:31 am

    @Gypsy, I said the same thing last night about Caroline! She was 25 when she had Albie. Albie just turned 26. Plus, Albert Sr.’s father had just been brutally murdered when they got engaged. They had considerably worse circumstances than Albie does. What is he so busy doing that he can’t make room for his supposed business and a relationship?

    And she has the nerve to mock that the girl is a professional cheerleader??? Professional cheerleading takes a great amount of skill and I know amazing dancers and performers who haven’t made it yet. One of Caroline’s kids completed college and is now peddling bottled sludge with the brother who didn’t go to school and walked away from a guaranteed future at the family business and the other quit her OWN business after one day. I dare say Lindsey is more accomplished than all three Manzo kids put together. I felt so bad for that girl.

17. 17
    maryedith
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 11:42 am

    I wouldn’t. She’s probably getting pretty good bucks to make Albie look straight and give the show a little scripted, stereotypical “Italian mama bear” drama.

18. 18
    Gypsy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 11:53 am

    OMFG maryedith get out of my head, I told Gypsy-bf last night she was just his beard which, is why she protested so much when he asked her out, LMAO!

    L-Boog…that’s b/c Queen Caro can’t give kudos to anyone who actually works out and also isn’t a natural size two, you know, like she is. Man she has dialed up the bitch to 11 Spinal Tap style this year. GD, that poor girl was horrified. From your keyboard to God’s ears!

    Caro the hypocrite, bitch, bully. UGH. If I have to watch one more of her jowly eyeroll interviews I am going to kick a puppy!

    Sidenote: Wasn’t Melissa’s party for Antonia a little ‘Failor-esque?” I mean, I love shoes but Mel’s slutettos would pop that moonbounce in a NY minute. And did anyone notice the hint of J-Lo in her interviews when she did the talking heads with her Chris Judd lession.

    From MJ to Melissa Gorga…my white gloved middle finger!

19. 19
    maryedith
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    @Gypsy, I think that on any other reality show Mel would be the villain. Only because of Tre are people not lining up to burn down her house. Or “model” or whatever it is.

20. 20
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    How much are they paying “Brianna” (probably not her real name) to be Rosie’s special friend? Is it more or less than what they’re paying Albie’s special friend? And, did Bravo pay for both no-talents to get into that BeatStock event, or did they only pay for the caveman kid, then just sort of snuck Melissa in there as an extra dancer?

21. 21
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    @11 Bratty ( I am loving the Calvin and Hobbes btw) Lucky Linds was givien the Golddigger Creedo 1 and 2– she should be grateful for the advice b/c Jaxx and Melissa got off the pole and into pretty nice digs. I still maintain she is a beard– George Glass, anyone????
    She is getting face time and if she is smart, she will work this for all she can get.

22. 22
    Gypsy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    @nwmtv it’s a per diem I think.

23. 23
    mere2142
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I loved when Gia shoved Tre when she tried to hug her at the dance studio!

    Also, WTF is Albie so busy with that he can’t have a girlfriend. I wanted to slap Mama Manzo and Lauren during this entire episode.

    Milania FTW! Juciy Joe doesn’t even have the respect of his children!

24. 24
    Jaime Sommers
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    WWHL has some absolute gems of weirdness. Mike Tyson took the prize for most uncomfortably entertaining (aka, he still scares the shit out of me as only a very strong muscular toddler can). But for devine WWHL lunacy, nothing NOTHING matched the crazypants Ralph Fiennes in his pajamas, giggling like a naughty sprite with Holly Hunter and Amy Sedaris (Amy Sedaris looked frankly spooked by him, as nervous as the cat around PePe LePew).

25. 25
    kthxbai
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    @Derek Hazelton yeah I thought it was to show how a whole room full of little kids had learned that same kind of dance routine. While Melissa was having a fit trying to get 1 step of it down. Even with a famous choreographer and nobody else in the class.

    Ma Manzo needs to double up on her menopause medicine. Albie can’t ever have a relationship because he’s got to put business 1st? WTF? That doesn’t make a lick of sense. Even for her.

    Rosie’s just too nice of a person to be on this or any reality show. But if she ever decided to take up acting she’d be perfect if they ever did the T. R. Knight story.

26. 26
    labowner
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Since there are no male heirs in Dina’s family (unless hubby got his goomah preggers) the Brownstone will be going to Christopher and Albie. Can’t believe they would sell it.

    Hot – no one at Bravo is that clever to come up with the apostrophgate. Blame it on stupidity.

    Miss Andy has spread himself way too thin. The editing sucks and is giving me a headache.

    I am going to assume Joe is going to trial since I haven’t heard a word about a prison sentence yet.

27. 27
    Rosemary's Baby
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Damn, that “On Display” is one catchy tune. I can’t stop singing it. My husband is ready to commit me.

28. 28
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    I’m surprised His Gayness Andy had the balls to be in the same room with Tyson. I mean, it’s not like Andy could keep both eyes on him…

29. 29
    Annie
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    kthxbai….lmao!!! TR Knight!!!

    God, Caroline is one judgemental beyyyotch. Actually, I take that back, she’s judgemental as shit about other women only (Albie’s fake girlfriend, her own friggin’ daughter) but all the men in her life are super-awesome. Blech!

    Cris Judd is hot……man. But me thinks he’s on Greg’s team. Oh well…still hot hot hot!

    Gia’s pretty talented, yes. I hope she goes somewhere with that talent……But on a personal note I feel awful for comparing my 32 year old abs to that of a 10 year old (shame)

30. 30
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    @gypsy -

    I am ashamed to admit I have had blk water. And it really tastes fine to me. The problem is that it isn’t even black, it is a very dark shade of brown. I bought several bottles after reading about hangover miracle of fulvic minerals – I quickly discovered I am best drinking it quickly, cold and in its original container. Pour it into a glass and it looks like a flat cola. Considering where you find fulvic acid in nature, it is not a pleasant mental image.

    But, it tastes normal to me. I just couldn’t bring myself to buy more. Partly because it was an exercise in gag reflex suppression and mostly because I didn’t want to contribute to the Manzo coffers. There are fulvic mineral packets online you can add to liquid to get the same benefits.

    Also I am sad to report I bought it because it was featured at my local Harris Teeter – a normal east coast grocery. It was also at Whole Foods. So they are doing something right and the distributors are taking off with it for now at least.

    Am I wrong to hope for their failure? Or more wrong to have added incrementally to their revenue?

31. 31
    Bouncebouncebbounce
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    How amazing was Milania yesterday? I am all for a Milania spinoff!

    Oh By the way… WTF does Cafface mean?? Did I miss the explanation?

32. 32
    BrattyMcPants
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    @hotcawfee hahaha I die…I guess she needs to learn from the best so she can be Mrs. Golden Boy Albie. And Calvin and Hobbes FTW.

    As aside, Golden Boy Albie is an awesome stripper name. Maybe he can work for Crittofer’s car wash.

    @Gypsy I am ashamed to admit I tried BLK water. Basically out of curiosity because I love this crappy show and I hate myself. It tasted like slightly metallic water, not horrendous but I was so grossed out by what I was drinking that I couldn’t finish it. Gave it to my houseplant, which promptly died.

33. 33
    2muchbravo
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    OMG Gypsy #16 LMAO!

    “L-Boog…that’s b/c Queen Caro can’t give kudos to anyone who actually works out and also isn’t a natural size two, you know, like she is. Man she has dialed up the bitch to 11 Spinal Tap style this year. GD, that poor girl was horrified. From your keyboard to God’s ears!

    Caro the hypocrite, bitch, bully. UGH. If I have to watch one more of her jowly eyeroll interviews I am going to kick a puppy!”

    Word! I am really, really tired of Don Caro’s superior attitude. She really is a grade A bitch!
    I love it when she tells Tre, “I really can’t be any more than cordial to you.” Like she expects her to throw herself on the ground and beat her fists, “Nooooo Caroline! You must be my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you all-knowing guidance.”

    Loved on WHHL when a called asked Mel about an article in Star about them selling their houses. She said they decided not to sell the shore house. But, they are selling the castle (Andy’s word) to move to Franklin Lakes. Andy asked why and she said, “Because that’s what we do. We flip houses.” Uh huh. I never got the impression that they intended to flip that house. I thought Midge built that house for her. Why would they sell unless all that glitters ain’t gold after all.

34. 34
    BrattyMcPants
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    @bounce Cafface is essentially cafe-face. As in cafe for your face. Since this is Lauren’s venture, I bet she offers a diet menu where you pay her not to do you’re makeup. (Lauren, if you’re reading this, I trademarked that idea. BrattyMcPants TM. Trust me, my law school is letting me return for my second year.)

    You’re not the only one confused. I thought she was saying Cat-Face until halfway through the episode. I was wondering to myself if there was a Jocelyn Wildenstein fangirl clientele in Wayne, NJ. Actually, let’s bring in Jocelyn. Homegirl may make for a more interesting season.

35. 35
    2muchbravo
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Ok, I just looked up fulvic acid on wikipedia. Why would I need to drink that shit? I might as well eat dirt! I’ve never heard of that supplement before. If the Manzo’s weren’t on TV no one would be buying this shit.

36. 36
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 5:43 am

    I’m not sure about Cafface either–Food and Face???? I know oatmeal makes a good a good face scrub and cucumbers are good for your skin–Funny to see Lauren Manzo (who I am renaming “Lush” Manzo–DAMN-the girl’s eyes light up at a glass of wine!!!!) enjoying some oatmeal and cukes.
    I love Milania just a little more each day. And isn’t “culi” a slang term for vaj ????

37. 37
    Gypsy
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 8:04 am

    @MrsMiaWallace & BrattyMcPants thank you for your honesty, it couldn’t have been easy to come forward and tell the truth but just know you have saved me from the pain and suffering you were willing to endure and I salute you!

    @2muchbravo- at comment 33, you-FTW! LOLOLOLOL! I totally agree.

    That WAS Mel’s dream house! Lemme ask youse dis, WHY do they own three buildings but have to flip the mansion (also- when Andy asked her if she was selling her mansion she replied ‘which one’) she’s a mini-summer’s eve in the making)? That just don’t maka no sense.

    F#ck I love this shit! It’s so wrong!

38. 38
    smango
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 9:14 am

    I thought blk water was a novelty because it was black. So, is it like Vitamin water, or that Nuvo stuff? I’m in Texas… maybe its just hasn’t (in the words of Lauren Manzo) ‘taken off’ to here yet.

    Did anyone else notice that there was a statue in Greg/Albie/Chris’ apartment that had a GIANT cutout of Kathy’s face on it?? I hopped straight on to several recaps to see if there was any explanation for it, but haven’t found one yet… Creeeeeeepy

39. 39
    Mimo
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 9:31 am

    @smango – Melissa was asked about that on WWHL. It had something to do with a metallic looking dress Kathy wore one time.

    When Lauren was arguing about the name – I thought Caroline did do a good job explaining it. I went “Oh, OK”

    I know the Milania love is more of a Joe hate – but damn – that little girl needs to be beat.

40. 40
    smango
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 9:34 am

    @Mimo – Thanks!!!

    Milania is a budding sociopath. I truly enjoy everything that comes out of her mouth, as much to see the non-reactions from her parents, as the Joe Hate. They literally stand there staring at her, slack-jawed, like she just started speaking Mandarin.

41. 41
    katie
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 10:38 am

    @MrsMiaWallace – Did drinking the water actually help with the hangover?

42. 42
    Gypsy
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Katie thanks I forgot toask Mia that.

    Let the Milania chat begin! I FLOVE that little beast with the heat of 10,000 suns! But I can because, she is not my child and I would never put up with that shit in a million years.

    She does have spectrum tendencies which, if we put the PC aspect of that aside for a moment, makes for some amazing television I for one appreciate. I too think she needs either more camera time or her own spinoff!

    The unintentional comedy of that child has been money in the bank for Bravo, seriously hilarious!

43. 43
    Slickery
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Regarding Poor Lauren’s one day makeup store – Mally is actual cosmetic line from “celebrity make up artist” Mally Roncal (which I only know because it’s sold on QVC all the time ) – mallybeauty.com. So I got the impression that she was in someone else’s store/salon basically running a skankier Clinque counter. And this Caface idea is a direct rip off of that Blowout salon that has a menu of hair drying/styling options.

    I liked WWHL when it was 2x a week. But the 4 nights means they scrape the barrel for guests and it’s really hit or miss now.

    Finally, I wasn’t aware that New Jersey was in a different place on the space/time continuum, but apparently it’s 1955 up in there and vacuuming is the most important thing a woman can ever do.

44. 44
    labowner
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    “And this Caface idea is a direct rip off of that Blowout salon that has a menu of hair drying/styling options.”

    So in your world there can only be one idea and that is it?

45. 45
    Annie
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    has anyone tried Ramona Pinot Grigio? I am tempted. I’d be willing to try the Blk water, to see what Don Caroleone’s fuss is all about.

    I never tried a Skinny Girl cocktail either, but I dont really want to. just seems so sugary and processed…..Plus, probably a lil’ skimpy on the booze know’whu I mean?!

    I gotta say, the Caface idea is pretty cute though.

46. 46
    2muchbravo
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    I’ve had Ramona’s Pinot and Skinny Girl Margs. I’m not a big wine drinker but it wasn’t bad. The Skinny Girl wasn’t as sweet as a regular margarita. I actually had a bottle of marg mix on hand and added 1/2 a shot to it. I could have gone w/o if I had been watching calories or points or whatevs.

    I’m not trying that BLK shit, though. I don’t want to drink black sludge and I don’t want to give the Manzos any of my hard earned money!

47. 47
    classy drunk
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 5:23 am

    @Slickery…I agree about WWHL. With it being on 5 nights a week some times I see the guests and I’m all WTF? Then they don’t really have any good commentary on the shows which is what I thought the show was for.

48. 48
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 5:28 am

    I had a Skinny Girl margarita at Friday’s, probably a week ago. Please tell me I didn’t put any money in Bethenny’s pockets.

49. 49
    Gypsy
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I’ve had Skinny Girl Margaritas and the Skinny Girl Sangria. Both were pretty OK, they get the job done but it’s no Patron Silver or my homemade sangria ;-P. If your counting calories it’s not a bad option. I would try Ramona’s wine, I don’t hate the crazy bitch but I will not give the Manzos any of my money. I would like to try to get a friend to buy it then I would ask to try it. That’s wrong I know but, I would.

    Can someone please definie a ‘skanier Clinque counter’? I am not a fan/user of Clinique but I don’t view the brand as skanky at all and, the thought makes me laugh out loud.

50. 50
    Slickery
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    @labowner Of course not, but Mama Manzo was implying she had this so cute, innovative new idea for a makeup store concept. Just own up that you were inspired by that salon and so many others that do it.

    @gypsy Probably should have said a snaky Clinque counter as you’re right, Clinque isn’t skanky at all. Or maybe Mary Kay Hooker Chick.

    But I checked out Lauren’s twitter page and Caface is selling $34 fabric headbands you could get on etsy for, like, $5. More power to her if she’s making bank off of people willing to overpay for crap.

51. 51
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    I hated WWHL when it was on no times a week.

    Watching that numbnutz fuckweasel squee with a the same revolving set of Bravo troglodytes is right up there with enjoying a nice colonoscopy in my book. (Although, in said fuckweasel’s book, that probably sounds like a rockin’ good time.)