Tre continues with her favorite fall-back position of being damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. Does or doesn’t what, she doesn’t say, but Dr. Sweaty believes that her going into every interaction with that attitude is giving her a huge “half-chip” on her shoulder, it’s her way of making sure that she’s always ready for a fight. Tre disagrees, saying what she really means is that she’s always tryina do the right thing, but then Midge always knocks her down. Also? Midge always leaves the toilet seat up, never finishes his vegetables, and may have possible bombed Pearl Harbor.
Dr. Sweaty looks at his watch, sees that only two minutes have gone by, and suggests to Tre that her best course of action in these scenarios would be to walk away. She immediately tries to school Dr. Sweaty by asserting that it’s also good sometimes to stand your ground. So what if it means that you torch family relationships, poison your children and become a vapidly idiotic cartoon character best known for knocking over furniture? STAND YOUR GROUND. Dr. Sweaty points to his degree hanging on the wall and repeats that she should just walk out of the room. Tre totally misses the fact that he’s telling her to GTFO and insists that she has been walking away. I’m betting Dr. Sweaty is ready to walk away from this profession. And with that, Tre’s private FAKE-THERAPY SESSION is over with.
Tonight’s vignette goes back in time to the prior night’s Sunday Dinner at Mama Pierri’s, and involves Rosie Real talking about how when they were growing up Kathy always got new clothes, and Rosie had to wear the hand-me-downs…
She says her First Communion was the worst day of her life because she had to wear Kathy’s old Communion Dress, and since she was taller (and stouter) than Kathy, the waistline was riding a little high…
pretty sure having a cameltoe in church is not very holy
Poor thing, no wonder she rejects dresses! Also, her feet were too big for the shoes that went with the dress, so to make her humiliation complete they gave her a fug pair of rainbow-colored sandals to wear. And then they snapped the picture above so she would always remember how awful she looked. You guys, I totally know how she feels, because I grew up exactly the same way, and for my First Communion I was in a hand-me-down suit that had floodwater pants so high I could have waded in the shallow end of the pool and not gotten the hems wet. I think this is proof that Child Abuse By Clothing™ makes you gay.
And speaking of gay stuff, it’s time to head on out to the lesbiana bar (The Cubbyhole!) with Kathy and Rosie and their famewhoring straight friend Heather. Kathy wants to know what kind of women Rosie likes, and Ro says she likes dark hair and light eyes. “Like me!” chirps Heather, and we flash back to Heather casually grinding her enormous blotchily-tanned breasts on Rosie in a hot tub from a few episodes ago…
how many times do we have to say this? DON’T POKE THE BEAR
Why is this skank Heather there? Well, Kathy says she brought her along to “get everybody’s appetite going”, which is a pretty fucking egotistical thing to do, and is one of the main reasons why I dislike tourists at the gay bar. There are plenty of gorgeous gay girls at the bar, Kathy, you don’t need to bring your slutty straight friend around to cunt-tease everybody, least of all Rosie. Case in point, Heather is spouting off about how “comfortable” she is with her sexuality, and how she doesn’t judge if someone wants to “dabble” with the same sex. Oh, and she’s such a rebel because she’s kissed a girl before!…
buuuut mostly I suck dick
Ok, out of the Top Ten Things You Should Never Say At A Gay Bar When You’re Straight, Heather’s just uttered numbers 1, 2, 3 and 4. First of all, Heather, nobody at the gay bar cares about how comfortable you are with your sexuality, the gay bar exists for us to feel comfortable with ours. Second, please pardon us if we don’t applaud your lack of judgment over us, it’s 2012 and we don’t need your skank-approval to be who we are. Third, shut your fucking yap with your casual trivialization of homosexuality, Rosie isn’t “dabbling” in this for fun or to be trendy, it’s an integral part of who she is at her core. And lastly… tell me how you went snatch-diving and came up with a mouthful of pubes and then I’ll consider you a rebel, but kissing a girl is not a big deal. End of rant.
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