Back on land, Gia is running shit. “Get your bikes now!” she screams at the masses of kids who have converged on the Guidice house. They are all playing and riding bikes in the street. The baby, who Ter has fancied up in a hot pink jogging suit with matching headbad to play in the street, wanders into the path of an oncoming car. Rosie swoops in and saves her. The kid starts hysterically crying and Rosie basically tells her tough toenails.
I am giving you gold. Am I a series regular yet?
Rosie sticks both fingers in her mouth, whistles and yells, “F#&k me, I’ll throw youse right inta the lagoon, I swear to God.” Oh, good plan, the lagoon is so much safer than traffic. Of course Milania ignores her and does her very best to cause a three car pileup.
Well, back to the boat. Jacquee reports that Moony is doing just swell in Vegas. All the things like going to school and getting a job that she refused to do for Jacquee, she is doing without complaint for mysterious Vegas aunt and uncle. I wonder if they really just locked her up in a basement for a few weeks.
Mel informs us that why Jacquee is a nice girl, she keeps arms-length away from her because she is a friend of Teresa’s. And with that, we learn that Caroline is going through menopause. “Oh, that’s why she’s being such a bitch!” cackles Teresa.
Yup. What’s your excuse?
Back in the house, Milania and Antonia are having an in-depth chat about bowel movements. Errr…the demon seed is bragging, “I poo poo all the time.” Antonia’s grossed out and next thing we know Milania’s sobbing to Rosie that Antonia doesn’t want to be her friend anymore. “Hug it out,” commands General Rosie.
Are there any anti -bacterial wipes?
The adorable Wakile kid sits on a couch and shreds a tissue, looking absolutely miserable. The slutty one looks like she smoked some pot with the guido next door. Rosie goes outside, puffs on a cigarette and sighs a million times.
Back on the boat, menopause is still the topic. But luckily, Brown Smurf is drunk enough to start talking about how he never had a black eye in his life until Lebanese Dilbert gave him one. With the way he grabs everyone’s junk, I am finding this very difficult to believe. Ter chimes in that if it had to be one of them with a black eye, she wishes it had been Dilbert. Well, if your husband was less wimpy, then it would have been.
Jacquee begs them not to bring it up, but Ter feels compelled to inform Dilbert that she almost gave him a black eye in exchange. So in addition to supporting the family, now you’re gonna beat up his bullies for Brown Smurf? That should be good for the marriage. “Do it,” says Dilbert. Kat also jumps in, begging Teresa to just punch her husband and make it even. Teresa, knowing Dilbert would enjoy that far too much, declines. But she keeps prattling on. “Leave it alone!” shouts the crowd. Midge tells us that the Brown Smurf has brainwashed her.
Back at the Maison Manzo, the whole family has gathered around the kitchen table to make Lauren feel like shit. Vito the mountie boyfriend has joined the fun as well. Al Sr. comments that Lauren and Vito’s kids will definitely be beating up Albie and Chris’s kids, because they’re “gonna be big ass kids”. Nice! But will they have spectacular personalities?
Considering the girl has stooped to starvation, perhaps this comment was ill-advised. But Lauren just sighs that she used to people saying things about her weight. Then Caro chimes with more double talk about she’s beautiful on the inside and the outside but she needs to lose weight. The whole family continues to pick on her, and she tells Albie and Chris that she’d rather have ugly kids than douche-y kids, like they’ll have.