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Then she reminds us that she’s not “as good as they are” and she hates how she looks. Adding fuel to the fire, is Vito the mountie, who we learn likes tall, athletic women. Lauren accuses him of always looking when they’re down at the shore. Vito’s smart enough to keep his mouth shut for this part. But then it is revealed that Albie has new girlfriend. Her name is Lindsey. I can’t tell you what she looks like because all I see in the picture is her boobs. I think he just downloaded a hot girl and went with it. And poor Vito. He can’t win with this one. If he says she’s hot, Lauren will be furious with him for saying it. If he says she isn’t, she’ll think he’s lying. He goes with mild appreciation, and big surprise, Miss Manzo is not happy.
And back to the shore. It’s a photo shoot on the boat. Jacquee yaps about how she wants everyone to be friends and be happy, but Mel whose hanging on the last thread on her rope, says that while it’s admirable that she wants peace in Jersey, she thinks sometimes Jacquee feels the pressure of being Ter’s friend. With that, the cruise comes to an end.
In the slanted house, Milania is doing pull ups in the closet. Then she’s hiding on a shelf. “Get her under control!” yells Rosie. “GET OFFA THAT RIGHT NOW!” screams Gia, and even I start to scramble off my couch. Well, someone’s got to take control over there.
Just setting up a cozy spot for when the house gets repo’d.
“All those girls on the boat owe me,” grumbles Rosie, swigging from a big jug of red wine. “I love my cousins but holy crap!” yells Victoria as the boat pulls up to the dock. Inside, the baby tries to poke her eyes out with a pink plastic fork.
Alright, on to the next spontaneous event that everyone happens to be attending and that’s the Solstice Party. We learn it’s the summer solstice, which means this stuff is happening almost exactly one year ago. Someone named Tia is throwing the party. Jacquee tells us she’s “intuitive”. Ter tells us she predicted a death and then four months later, someone died. “But people always die,” she explains and I have to agree with that one.
I predict someone will start a fight and then want to know why everyone can’t just get along.
Jacquee gets to Caro’s house and immediately informs her that her menopause is the talk of the town. Also, it looks like there are cupcakes in Caro’s kitchen. Oooh, cupcakes! And, hey, way to support Lauren’s starvation.
Caro fake casually asks about the weekend at the shore, and Jacquee runs out of the room before admitting that her menopause was the highlighted topic of the evening. Caro kind of laughs it off, still denying reality by saying it’s actually not menopause, it’s just that she’s tired of the “nonsense”.
Mel shows up with a gorgeous Chanel. Seriously, you should have to apply for a license to carry something so beautiful. Funny how now it’s Caro, Jacquee and Mel meeting up for the pre-solstice. Times sure have changed. And how were things for Mel at the shore? Well, the kids had fun – well, besides Antonia’s nightmares of Milania and poo.
But “something happened with Teresa and my husband.” OMG what??? Could it be…THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT? Well, you already know the answer to that. But Caroline doesn’t. “Did she tell you?” Mel asks Jacquee. Jacquee confirms that she did. Caroline tries to nonchalantly wipe the foam off the side of mouth and get more information. And Mel is happy to oblige.
She tells her the story of THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT, and before she’s even finished Caroline’s right there decreeing, “Unprovoked!”. Mel says she’s been giving Ter a lot of passes, and she doesn’t know if it’s right or if it’s going to ultimately make things worse. “But until there’s blood dripping down my face, you get a pass.”