Girl, you are getting so fucking Jersey right now and I love it.
Lauren joins the party and everyone makes a big deal over how much noticeably smaller she looks. I can’t say I see it, but she’s head to toe in white and I’m not horrified, so I guess it’s an improvement. But back to Ter. Jacquee says that she doesn’t necessarily agree with THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT, but if she says anything to Teresa, she’s accused of “jumping ship”.
“That’s called bullying!” decries Caroline, followed by the oft-previewed “She’s willing to destroy a family to get you out of her life!” Huh. That one came kind of soon in the season. Heaven only knows what we’re in for here.
Well, over on Teresa’s ship the only friend she has left is a Kim. D? G? Z? Who the hell knows. This one looks like a duck. I thought Teresa hated all the Kims, but I guess pickings are slim. So hey, has anyone heard the story about how Teresa called Midge and made THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT about Mel? Oh, everybody? Oh, even people on Mars? Wonderful, let’s hear it again.
Of course, Kim Whoever agrees with Ter because that’s the price of being on camera. Although, if I remember my Kims correctly, she should be saying the exact opposite to a Gorga by the end of the episode. Ter defends herself by saying that her brother says stuff to her husband about her, and she just makes light of it. Oh, and of course she can’t pronounce “solstice”, but I didn’t have to tell you that part, did I.
They arrive at the party and everyone gets a bindi in between their eyes. It’s their third eye. Tia is there giving very specific instructions to the little gypsy girls giving out the bindis. Ter gets out of the car and I am loving her dress, it’s very Madonna circa Like A Virgin. There’s a lady with a flute. I don’t even need any drama, I could just recap this ridiculous party. I mean, a flute? In Jersey? Where’s the bass?
Jacquee receives her third eye and comments that she actually needs an eye in the back of her head. There’s not enough seats for everyone to sit together at the party, and so Ter sits at one and Caro sits at the other. She informs us that, “I’m not phony. I’m not gonna insult you or fight with you, but I’m not gonna interact with you either.”
I’m just gonna sit at the table three feet away from you and talk about how much I’m ignoring you.
Of course Kat has brought Rosie, which is the new secret weapon to getting on camera. Rosie’s bindi gets sweaty and falls off. “Ahhh, that f&*king thing,” she grumbles. But that’s okay, cause Rosie is not here to make peace. She immediately pulls Ter aside and informs her that she recently hung out with Midge, and his feelings are hurt over THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT.
Ter tries to tell her it was blown out of proportion, and it was between her brother and her. Rosie tells her since there’s friction there, she should tread lightly. Like Midge. Cause nothing says treading lightly like enlisting a two hundred pound lesbian to fight you battles.
Over at Caro’s table, Kim Whoever asks Mel about her singing. She tries to fan the flame by asking Mel how Midge feels about her music career. “Is he good with it? Does he listen?” she queries. Cause if not, it will definitely mean that Mel is cheating on him. And it’s a very quiet conversation, so everyone can listen in on Rosie and Teresa.
“Is there a fight going on over there?” asks Lauren, all fake concerned. Kat says that Ter should “keep it in check” with Rosie. And then everyone confirms with everyone else that THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT is now available for public consumption, with Caroline adding a downright jubilant, “Horrific!” to the mix. Well, Rosie and Ter manage to make it through their conversation without bloodshed, which is slightly disappointing.