But there’s a flaw in the argument – according to Mel, when he first heard the comment he came home and cried. Well, if he’s so secure why would he cry, asks Ter. And there’s another flaw, cause we all saw the genesis of THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT in the Gorga’s favorite place, the closet. Unless that was…staged?
Back at the party, Caroline sighs that Teresa will step on anyone’s head. But she’s totally staying out of it. In the parking lot, Mel is desperately trying to convince Ter that she could never get better than Midge, so why would she do anything to ruin it? “You’re right, you are lucky to have my brother!” yells Teresa, focusing only on Mel not being good enough for Midge and ignoring the fact that Mel is basically agreeing with her. They go back and forth about ten times, each time proclaiming the same thing, that Mel couldn’t do better than Midge.
That’s right. The next five minutes of this argument consists of them seeing who can agree the loudest.
What’s really standing out to me, is that for all the nonsense Ter puts Mel through – and you know I love Ter’s baby hamster brain, but she’s out of control with her sister-in-law – Mel has never really engaged. Of course there was plenty of off-camera engaging, but we haven’t seen her fight back, until now. Clearly, we are not to mess with Mel’s marriage and I really like that.
She flat out asks Teresa if she’s trying to make them get a divorce. This is your brother and your nieces and nephews, she reminds Ter. Does she want it all to fall apart? Well, yeah, of course she does. Ter is miserable and your beautiful life is doing nothing to help matters. They talk about bringing the family together, and Mel, disgusted tells Teresa to do it. “I’m trying!” yells Ter. Of course, that’s what all the jokes in THE COOKBOOK were about.
Mel says that Ter wants to pinch people and then pretend she didn’t’ do anything. “Be the tough girl you came to be and apologize,” she demands of Ter. Ter stares at her defiantly. “Apologize!” shouts Mel, “That’s my husband!” I actually feel sorry for her. I think it’s pretty clear how much she loves Midge and I think it sucks that she has to defend to Teresa what she shows in all her actions.
“So what?” Ter sneers. And now it’s time to argue about the apology. Mel says that she’s trying to find logic in anything Ter is saying and she can’t. So she tells her to just stay out of her marriage. “Well, tell your husband,” Ter snaps back. “Tell your brother yourself!” screams Mel. Wait, tell him what? I am so confused but in a totally awesome way.
And now it’s time to bring the kids into things! Why not? We’re already having a smackdown in the parking lot, why not take it all the way down to the gutter. Mel accuses Ter of not giving little Joey a 1st birthday present. Man, this kid’s always in the thick of it. First, THE CHRISTENING, now this.
Well, we weren’t speaking then, says Teresa. Okay, well I see why the one year old should suffer for that. And Ter immediately turns it around to ask Mel why she’s always so worried about gifts. And then we learn that because of all the ickiness, Mel has been dropping off gifts for the Guidice kids at their pre-school, which according to Ter, Brown Smurf throws directly in the trash. How stupid. You could at least have re-gifted for little Joey, then maybe we wouldn’t be having this part of the fight.
Is everyone ready for the holy grail of stupidity? Cause now Ter tells Mel that she technically didn’t owe little Joey a birthday present because she never had a party or invited her for cake, so to blame Ter now just shows what kind of person Mel is. Cool! So if I don’t have cake next year, I get to stay this age forever?
And after this sparkling gem, Ter decides it’s time to leave. But Mel is fully heated. “Run away coward, like you always do,” she taunts. Of course, Teresa bites. They shout a few “excuse me?”s and “excuse me!”s at each other, and then then, Ter gets in Mel’s face!