RHONJ Recap: The Royal Wedding

Recaps

By ChickBomb | Saturday, June 9, 2012 | 12:31 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

Lebanese Dilbert tells us that Rosie hid her sexuality for a long time. Rosie tells us it was because she was afraid he’d forbid her from seeing his kids. I really wouldn’t worry about Rosie’s influence though, Vic seems to have achieved the slutty high school girl look all on her own, complete with blue eyeliner, down perfectly.

Rosie tells the story of coming out to the family, complete with her father on his deathbed telling her she’d never get married. She gets emotional about it, she tells us completely unnecessarily. I mean, she’s sobbing over a pizza pie, it’s kind of obvious.

She felt guilty, she had built up emotions, she was yelling and she finally came out with it. She went through it by herself in her 20s and 30s, back before being gay was cool, she says. You were just born that way, says Dilbert Jr.

Duh, I already know how it works. Lady Gaga force fed us this shit last year, remember?

Kat, who is definitely a meddler but is growing on me, says that she hates to think that her sister suffered in her coming out process. Funny, cause Caro said the same thing about her brother, but when Kat says it, it sounds authentic.Also, I love her necklace in this interview. It looks like candy.

It’s still hard for her, Rosie concludes, but hey no reason not to make good reality TV out of it, right? And now, for the Q&A portion of the pizza place coming out talk. Dilbert Jr. wants to know if she has “gaydar”. She makes a dumb joke about antennas and then tells us she’s always off. Aww, Rosie.

Over at Jacquee’s she is packing for Jamie’s wedding. She has so many clothes and nothing to wear, she laments. Oh dear, indeed. What will best accentuate her huge gramma boobs? She asks Chris, in a not at all contrived way, how he feels about his brother marrying a dude. Chris just thinks it’s weird, cause they used to pick up girls together.

So do you feel like he wasn’t being honest with you, Jacquee prods, trying to make it only 1 out of 11 siblings attending Jamie’s wedding. Nope, just didn’t expect it, says Chris, handily shutting down his moron wife. Imagine how much courage it took, Jacquee marvels. Chris makes a joke about how he’s been dating a dude. Then I notice he has a wallet chain and I have to minus like a thousand points from Chris, so it’s a good thing we’re changing scenes.

And even better, we’re catching up with our favorite demon seed, Milania. She’s pounding on Brown Smurf’s chest while Ter asks him where his “luggages” are. “Up your ass,” he cracks back, laughing at his own clever, articulate joke. Oh, and the Brown Smurf is on a roll! How about I go to the gay wedding with no shirt, he asks. How about with no pants, lil’ demon seed retorts. Oh. No. Nooooooo. Just thought is too much to take.

Ter pipes in to inform us that despite what people say, Brown Smurf is not anti-gay. And also, she is on the case as far as getting him to not say offensive things. Smurfy tells us he’s going to “bust Jamie’s chops” at the wedding, because apparently Smurfy looks just like Jamie’s first boyfriend. He jokes that he’s going to object to the marriage at the wedding.

Oh, then I guess we’re back with Jacquee for the update on Moonface. She’s invited to the wedding, but she can’t go. Turns out, she’s “worse than before” says Jacquee. After a month long vacay in Vegas? How could this be?

But now, it’s Moony’s Dad’s turn to deal with her, and he is not happy. Lots of “how the fuck did she get this way”s and “why did you and Chris give so many chances”’s. Oh, easy to blame the parents who were actually on the clock, now isn’t it, sir. Jacquee says that she’s kind of enjoying this reversal, and I have to say I would be too.

And then, the real issue of the day…Dina is not coming to the wedding. This sparks a lot of “Aunt Dina” talks amongst the kids. Why is isn’t she going? She and Jamie are close. Well, the story is she has to work – listen, those HGTV shows that air at 3 am don’t film themselves, you know.

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12 Comments

  1. 1
    Iona Trailer
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Miss Andy needs to have an ambush with Kim G and Danielle on these broads.

    I don’t care if Melissa is a golddigger…she is fierce and she has what Teresa wishes she could have but never will…not with that hair line.

    Big Gay Greg needs to redeem himself for all of us gays and tear into Juicy and Teresa with some snarky bitchy comments to their faces. Lets see how well they take what they like to dish out.

  2. 2
    someguy
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Another great recap. All I can write is that Joe G what a man great Father/Husband/and Wall Street player and a pure joy to be around. I believe Joe’s sudden workout plan is for the boys he will meet in the joit..He is working out to make sure his dance card is filled out in full every night. I hope when he goes away again the kids will be able to get out, the love and positive attention he shows those kids is right out of Mr. Rodgers. The way he talks to Tre is like a Hallmark card but they do deseve eachother

  3. 3
    Nikki
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Two Part episode! Oy vey…

  4. 4
    fancyface
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Dude…the way the 1st 6 mins of the show happened in your mind was wayyy more interesting than what really happened lol

  5. 5
    aliens.rock aliens.rock
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    I thought that I was unfair and subjective in my opinion of Smirkoline, but I guess a lot of you guys think the same way.Yay!
    She is all high and mighty, but if she so ABOVE the whole reality show enterprise, why TF would you agree to be filmed for such a show?! Newsflash for you, Caroline! You are a shit stirrer and reality show attention whore. Time to face Reality. Let’s be honest. Would any of you Gasmmi fans ever consider going on one of those shows?! You make make your money, but your reputation and your privacy are gone. Besides, I can’t imagine normal people’ lives so full of drama ( mostly fake drama anyway…)

  6. 6
    fancyface
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    @aliensrock (they totally do)….You are SOOO not alone when it comes to Caroline. I think I said something really nice about how her ‘I’m so wise & cute’ interviews make me want to shoot her in the face, on the minicap. So I definitely feel you! She truly needs to stfu! She had one season where people praised her for all her ‘wisdom, & loyalty to her fambly’ (except me because I never liked the bitch from the jump) and now she thinks she’s the all-knowing, wise one that can sit in judgement of people while she’s being noble! Caroline…go scratch! (I seriously have no idea what that means but it sounds bitchin lol..if any one knows, please enlighten me so I can be informed when I tell people to do it)

    For example…I can’t freaking stand Teresa or Joe but that bitch makes me want to take their side when she’s talking. And that shit is NOT cool! DON’T MAKE ME WANT TO DEFEND THE GUIDICE, CAROLINE!

  7. 7
    Iona Trailer
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 5:49 am

    I hated Caroline in Season 1 because she was leading the charge against Danielle when Danielle did nothing to these people to warrant what they were doing to here, She then only acted out towards t5hem after her and Dina were going around Franklin Lakes with THE BOOK. Dina shit stirred all the drama and Caroline became the judge and the jury.

    I don’t hate her so much now but I think she may have some good reasons to be pissed at Teresa. The Guidice’s are just rotten human beings.

  8. 8
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Great recap!

    I love the last picture of Ter on the phone, her face is an EXACT match for the brown tile in her shower. I have handbags that look less like real leather!

    I will say that when Jamie was showing the creepy doll-head art and someone said “how gay is that” or something similar they didn’t show who made the comment and I was pretty sure from the voice it was Jamie himself. But it fits with the story arc to edit so we assume it was cringe-inducing Joe Guidice.

    I don’t really think of him as “anti-gay” as much as a big dumb palooka who tries to mask his deep-seated discomfort with homosexuality in showy bravado and bad jokes. They fall flat, he looks less edgy than intolerant and his stupidity (aka Ter) sets him right up for the villain. I think he and Caroline are cut from the same cloth, she just tries to cover her discomfort in her quotes of wisdom and love and I am glad you pointed out the awkwardness of her bawling her eyes out for Jamie because being gay is a bad life.

    Didn’t we hear rumors that Dina would make an appearance this season at this wedding?? Oh well. I am excited for tonight because the recap editing made it look like Juicy yelled out some “joke” about Ter’s boobs during Caroline’s wedding speech. I am really hoping that is not the case for Jamie’s sake. I somehow doubt it happened in that order, but then again, knowingly hosting your wedding on a reality tv show pretty much disqualifies you from deserving a classy and tasteful event.

    And sweet blood? wtf? Thats what people say when mosquitoes bite them, dogs bite people because they remind them of prey. Maybe if a giant black squirrel’s nest didn’t live from her forehead to her ass, they wouldn’t be so confused.

  9. 9
    2muchbravo
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Besides being slutty the tattoo chick in the hot tub was a little demeaning. Everyone was laughing but I would’ve been embarrassed if I were there. It’s 9:55 . The wedding’s coming up…

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Teresa if you have african american friends do you think it would be okay for Joe to use the “n” word all the time? Very pathetic she used pages to defend his behavior.

    Where was Albie at the wedding?

  11. 11
    mere2142
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    I hope Bobblehead reads your decree about not more fucking therapy. I hate watching that shit!!

    I hope two boring wedding episodes is followed up with an epic fight between Tre, Caro and Jaquee. The previews better not lie!

  12. 12
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    I love how Rosie did not let the slutty chick kiss her. She may like having the cameras around but she’s not out to sell her soul for reality fame. It would’ve cheapened her whole ‘coming out’ episode if she would’ve tongued down a bar-sexual chick in a hot tub full of her relatives.

    Like the rest of you, I don’t know why Greg is always around either except that Andy needs a gay sidekick casted on every franchise. But now that Rosie is chewing the scenery, Greg may soon be banished to reality TV obscurity.

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