RHONJ Recap: The Royal Wedding

Recaps

By ChickBomb | Saturday, June 9, 2012 | 12:31 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

Aunt Dina’s big time. But of course this is just opportunity to get down to the real deal with Dina. There’s a lot of tension between Caro and Dina, and for that reason Dina’s been staying away. And guess whose fault it is? Teresa! I love this lady. She so brings it. Apparently, Ter told Dina that Car was going to “take her down business opportunity-wise”.

I’M doing the nail salon opening in Hackensack! Don’t try to steal my business opportunities!

Further complicating matters is that apparently, Ter was telling Dina that Caro never supported her, and so Dina pulled away from everyone.  Well done, Teresa!  Ter tries on lots of clothes in her bedroom, while Milania runs through the house smearing Ter’s spackle makeup on everything.  The baby does her part by sitting in the bed and eating lipgloss.

The babysitter shows up and Brown Smurf acts like a lecherous old man.  Ter says it will be nice to have a weekend of alone time with him in Chicago.  Then she wonders if there is a beach in Chicago. Yes. Chicago is known as the tropics.

So, what’s up with the Wakiles?  If these people were interesting enough to have a spin-off, that would be a good name for it, huh. They are headed down to the Jersey shore.  They’ve gone back and forth over buying a beach house, and now have decided to rent.

The Managing Director of Slushee Machine Ice Maintenance advised me to rent.  And that guy knows his real estate.

Kat also manages to throw in a comment about how they “don’t like to spread ourselves too thin”, surely directed at everyone else on this show who’s in foreclosure and thisclose to jail.  The slutty daughter has brought about five boxes of makeup with her.  Hey, the junior class whore look takes a lot of work!

And then Rosie turns up in a Lambo!  What?  Turns out it’s Lebanese Dilbert’s car, he just let her drive it out there.  “It’s a magnet,” reports Rosie, “If ya know what I’m sayin’.”  Sure thing Ro, that and a reality TV camera following you around really are all it takes to get laid. 

Work it…work it…own it…

The Wakiles are having company that night, the Gorgas and some other friends of theirs who Kat wants Rosie to meet.  Oooh, a set up?  Everyone putters around the house.  It’s hardly fascinating. Then some girls come over in trashy uniforms and it turns out they’re the bar staff for the night.  Rosie thinks they are “nice young ladies” but too young for her.

Kat tells us that Rosie never brings ladies around.  Kat’s only met two. One was “nice”, the other one she “didn’t like at all. One bit. Zip”.  “Friggin’ girls!” Rosie yells in that adorable way of hers. 

And then we’re in Chicago!  They get on a party bus sort of thing at the airport, which the Manzo boys advise us is normally used for bachelor parties.  They head to the suburbs for the royal wedding, and Ter plants herself next to Caro on the bus.  Then she proceeds to talk her ear off, interspersed with stupid questions, for the entire bus ride.  It’s awesome.

Turns out Jaime has a little bit of a zoo at his house.  Dogs and cats and birds.  Ter is nervous, she doesn’t like dogs. “I have sweet blood so I always get bitten,” she explains.  Really? Then why are you not covered in dog bites?  Get over yourself.  But first annoy Caro a lot more! Lauren observes from across the bus, rolling her eyes and Ter buries her head in Albie’s shoulder. 

They reach Jamie’s house and it is really, really nice.  Nettie, Caro and Chris and Jamie and Dina’s mom is there.  She’s a cute old lady.  So sorry for her that she spawned Caro.  Jamie practically speaks into the camera that he’s sorry that Dina couldn’t make it. Couldn’t?  As someone told me this week, “can’t lives on won’t street”. 

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12 Comments

  1. 1
    Iona Trailer
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Miss Andy needs to have an ambush with Kim G and Danielle on these broads.

    I don’t care if Melissa is a golddigger…she is fierce and she has what Teresa wishes she could have but never will…not with that hair line.

    Big Gay Greg needs to redeem himself for all of us gays and tear into Juicy and Teresa with some snarky bitchy comments to their faces. Lets see how well they take what they like to dish out.

  2. 2
    someguy
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Another great recap. All I can write is that Joe G what a man great Father/Husband/and Wall Street player and a pure joy to be around. I believe Joe’s sudden workout plan is for the boys he will meet in the joit..He is working out to make sure his dance card is filled out in full every night. I hope when he goes away again the kids will be able to get out, the love and positive attention he shows those kids is right out of Mr. Rodgers. The way he talks to Tre is like a Hallmark card but they do deseve eachother

  3. 3
    Nikki
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Two Part episode! Oy vey…

  4. 4
    fancyface
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Dude…the way the 1st 6 mins of the show happened in your mind was wayyy more interesting than what really happened lol

  5. 5
    aliens.rock
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    I thought that I was unfair and subjective in my opinion of Smirkoline, but I guess a lot of you guys think the same way.Yay!
    She is all high and mighty, but if she so ABOVE the whole reality show enterprise, why TF would you agree to be filmed for such a show?! Newsflash for you, Caroline! You are a shit stirrer and reality show attention whore. Time to face Reality. Let’s be honest. Would any of you Gasmmi fans ever consider going on one of those shows?! You make make your money, but your reputation and your privacy are gone. Besides, I can’t imagine normal people’ lives so full of drama ( mostly fake drama anyway…)

  6. 6
    fancyface
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    @aliensrock (they totally do)….You are SOOO not alone when it comes to Caroline. I think I said something really nice about how her ‘I’m so wise & cute’ interviews make me want to shoot her in the face, on the minicap. So I definitely feel you! She truly needs to stfu! She had one season where people praised her for all her ‘wisdom, & loyalty to her fambly’ (except me because I never liked the bitch from the jump) and now she thinks she’s the all-knowing, wise one that can sit in judgement of people while she’s being noble! Caroline…go scratch! (I seriously have no idea what that means but it sounds bitchin lol..if any one knows, please enlighten me so I can be informed when I tell people to do it)

    For example…I can’t freaking stand Teresa or Joe but that bitch makes me want to take their side when she’s talking. And that shit is NOT cool! DON’T MAKE ME WANT TO DEFEND THE GUIDICE, CAROLINE!

  7. 7
    Iona Trailer
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 5:49 am

    I hated Caroline in Season 1 because she was leading the charge against Danielle when Danielle did nothing to these people to warrant what they were doing to here, She then only acted out towards t5hem after her and Dina were going around Franklin Lakes with THE BOOK. Dina shit stirred all the drama and Caroline became the judge and the jury.

    I don’t hate her so much now but I think she may have some good reasons to be pissed at Teresa. The Guidice’s are just rotten human beings.

  8. 8
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Great recap!

    I love the last picture of Ter on the phone, her face is an EXACT match for the brown tile in her shower. I have handbags that look less like real leather!

    I will say that when Jamie was showing the creepy doll-head art and someone said “how gay is that” or something similar they didn’t show who made the comment and I was pretty sure from the voice it was Jamie himself. But it fits with the story arc to edit so we assume it was cringe-inducing Joe Guidice.

    I don’t really think of him as “anti-gay” as much as a big dumb palooka who tries to mask his deep-seated discomfort with homosexuality in showy bravado and bad jokes. They fall flat, he looks less edgy than intolerant and his stupidity (aka Ter) sets him right up for the villain. I think he and Caroline are cut from the same cloth, she just tries to cover her discomfort in her quotes of wisdom and love and I am glad you pointed out the awkwardness of her bawling her eyes out for Jamie because being gay is a bad life.

    Didn’t we hear rumors that Dina would make an appearance this season at this wedding?? Oh well. I am excited for tonight because the recap editing made it look like Juicy yelled out some “joke” about Ter’s boobs during Caroline’s wedding speech. I am really hoping that is not the case for Jamie’s sake. I somehow doubt it happened in that order, but then again, knowingly hosting your wedding on a reality tv show pretty much disqualifies you from deserving a classy and tasteful event.

    And sweet blood? wtf? Thats what people say when mosquitoes bite them, dogs bite people because they remind them of prey. Maybe if a giant black squirrel’s nest didn’t live from her forehead to her ass, they wouldn’t be so confused.

  9. 9
    2muchbravo
    Posted June 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Besides being slutty the tattoo chick in the hot tub was a little demeaning. Everyone was laughing but I would’ve been embarrassed if I were there. It’s 9:55 . The wedding’s coming up…

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Teresa if you have african american friends do you think it would be okay for Joe to use the “n” word all the time? Very pathetic she used pages to defend his behavior.

    Where was Albie at the wedding?

  11. 11
    mere2142
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    I hope Bobblehead reads your decree about not more fucking therapy. I hate watching that shit!!

    I hope two boring wedding episodes is followed up with an epic fight between Tre, Caro and Jaquee. The previews better not lie!

  12. 12
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 11, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    I love how Rosie did not let the slutty chick kiss her. She may like having the cameras around but she’s not out to sell her soul for reality fame. It would’ve cheapened her whole ‘coming out’ episode if she would’ve tongued down a bar-sexual chick in a hot tub full of her relatives.

    Like the rest of you, I don’t know why Greg is always around either except that Andy needs a gay sidekick casted on every franchise. But now that Rosie is chewing the scenery, Greg may soon be banished to reality TV obscurity.

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