Aunt Dina’s big time. But of course this is just opportunity to get down to the real deal with Dina. There’s a lot of tension between Caro and Dina, and for that reason Dina’s been staying away. And guess whose fault it is? Teresa! I love this lady. She so brings it. Apparently, Ter told Dina that Car was going to “take her down business opportunity-wise”.
I’M doing the nail salon opening in Hackensack! Don’t try to steal my business opportunities!
Further complicating matters is that apparently, Ter was telling Dina that Caro never supported her, and so Dina pulled away from everyone. Well done, Teresa! Ter tries on lots of clothes in her bedroom, while Milania runs through the house smearing Ter’s spackle makeup on everything. The baby does her part by sitting in the bed and eating lipgloss.
The babysitter shows up and Brown Smurf acts like a lecherous old man. Ter says it will be nice to have a weekend of alone time with him in Chicago. Then she wonders if there is a beach in Chicago. Yes. Chicago is known as the tropics.
So, what’s up with the Wakiles? If these people were interesting enough to have a spin-off, that would be a good name for it, huh. They are headed down to the Jersey shore. They’ve gone back and forth over buying a beach house, and now have decided to rent.
The Managing Director of Slushee Machine Ice Maintenance advised me to rent. And that guy knows his real estate.
Kat also manages to throw in a comment about how they “don’t like to spread ourselves too thin”, surely directed at everyone else on this show who’s in foreclosure and thisclose to jail. The slutty daughter has brought about five boxes of makeup with her. Hey, the junior class whore look takes a lot of work!
And then Rosie turns up in a Lambo! What? Turns out it’s Lebanese Dilbert’s car, he just let her drive it out there. “It’s a magnet,” reports Rosie, “If ya know what I’m sayin’.” Sure thing Ro, that and a reality TV camera following you around really are all it takes to get laid.
Work it…work it…own it…
The Wakiles are having company that night, the Gorgas and some other friends of theirs who Kat wants Rosie to meet. Oooh, a set up? Everyone putters around the house. It’s hardly fascinating. Then some girls come over in trashy uniforms and it turns out they’re the bar staff for the night. Rosie thinks they are “nice young ladies” but too young for her.
Kat tells us that Rosie never brings ladies around. Kat’s only met two. One was “nice”, the other one she “didn’t like at all. One bit. Zip”. “Friggin’ girls!” Rosie yells in that adorable way of hers.
And then we’re in Chicago! They get on a party bus sort of thing at the airport, which the Manzo boys advise us is normally used for bachelor parties. They head to the suburbs for the royal wedding, and Ter plants herself next to Caro on the bus. Then she proceeds to talk her ear off, interspersed with stupid questions, for the entire bus ride. It’s awesome.
Turns out Jaime has a little bit of a zoo at his house. Dogs and cats and birds. Ter is nervous, she doesn’t like dogs. “I have sweet blood so I always get bitten,” she explains. Really? Then why are you not covered in dog bites? Get over yourself. But first annoy Caro a lot more! Lauren observes from across the bus, rolling her eyes and Ter buries her head in Albie’s shoulder.
They reach Jamie’s house and it is really, really nice. Nettie, Caro and Chris and Jamie and Dina’s mom is there. She’s a cute old lady. So sorry for her that she spawned Caro. Jamie practically speaks into the camera that he’s sorry that Dina couldn’t make it. Couldn’t? As someone told me this week, “can’t lives on won’t street”.