RHONY Recap: Back in the USSRHONY

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Wednesday, July 18, 2012 | 9:04 am | 18 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of NYC, Recaps

With scenes of Big Ben, double-decker buses, and a jaded croquet instructor, we are back across the pond.  Sonja and Heather seem to be enjoying the lovely day out on the field, but the two royals are coming from two different lands.  LuAnn is wide awake and overly competitive, while Carole is sleepy and not in the mood for LuAnn’s comments.  The sleepy princess rebounds quite nicely, though, and takes the win.

Oh, joy.

I hope I beat the countess.

Yay!  I won!

 

Running out of things to argue about, Sonja and LuAnn battle over grand entrances.  Sonja is tired of the taller countess entering ahead of her and stealing her man-catching thunder.  Sure enough, as they’re entering, LuAnn grabs Heather and pulls ahead of Sonja.  Tsk-tsk.  Really, LuAnn?  I’m sure there’s a girl rule that just got broken by the countess. 

Haha!  I’ma beat you like a rug.  

 

Sonja is nervous about the party, wanting it to be perfect, Sonja-style, along with her toaster oven’s crumb trays.  LuAnn asks Carole about her book, but Carole mistakenly answers instead of realizing it was actually a chance for LuAnn to bring up that she’s written a book, dahling.  Carole makes a second mistake by comparing it to childbirth, which gives LuAnn another one-upmanship opportunity.  The countess doesn’t seem to “do” analogies very well.  The princess is not down, though, and is ready to come back swinging, with Pumpkin in her sights.

I did gymnastics, dahling.

I did gymnastics, too.

Oh, yeah!  Well, I did softball and I was RUTHLESS!

Well, well…I played softball and basketball and football…and I was RUTHLESS!

Damn it, she said football.  Well, I was the first woman to walk on the moon.  How about that, Carole?

 

When Sonja and Carole excuse themselves from the table, Pleather tries in vain to gently tell LuAnn to take the one-upmanship down several notches–practice the one-downmanship, if you will.  The countess is so unaware of her behavior that she thinks Heather is talking about Ramona, who isn’t even at the table.  The divorced countess even starts talking about the women she has had to get rid of in her life that have tried to steal her husband.  What, say what?

What is up with all of this one-upmanship?

Oh, yes, dahling.  Ramona is horrible.  But how do you know that she’s one-upping Aviva at the moment?

 

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Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

18 Comments

  1. 1
    Mimo
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I’m thinking that last season Sonja said that her interns were the children of her friends who sent them to Sonja to get “schooled” on living in the big city.

  2. 2
    cherrylipgloss
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 10:14 am

    I’ve never had or used a bidet…but isn’t that for washing your hooliehoo and more? If so….wouldn’t that be the same as dunking your head in a toilet?? There isn’t enough bleach in the contiguous United States to convince me that that could ever be sanitary.
    I actually have used that technique which I learned from a Paul Newman interview as an anti-aging practice….but a sink is easier, cleaner, and plenty deep enough. I don’t think I’d want to be Sonja’s boyfriend after witnessing that beauty regimen….(maybe it’s just me)

  3. 3
    whoochile
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

    the shark scene description is brilliant!!!! I am also put off my that grin,yikes! I can’t tell if the scrunchy nose thing while smiling is too much botox (bunny nose) or how she naturally smiles. heather has a very strange lack of movement in her jaw while talking. She is the opposite of crazy kelly whose lower jaw moved like a jackhammer. Heather seems like she is talking through clenched teeth and scrunched nose the whole time. Plus, she would benefit from a teeny tiny rhinoplasty. There, i’ma total bitch for saying it, I know, gangsta whoochile going “holla” in da house.

  4. 4
    whoochile
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 11:33 am

    that would be “put off by that grin”

  5. 5
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

    @whoochile – you are bad, but I agree with your assessment. Heather’s face bothers me. And her nose is why those glasses DID make her look like Groucho Marx. I love that she just thought the others weren’t hip enough when in reality, her face is wrong for the frames…

    @BSL- great recap. I particularly liked this line: “Geez, if only this carp would stay in the salon and get out of our heads. “. I know you meant “crap”, but calling Aviva or Carol a carp is so perfect I loved it!

    I hate Heather, she the exact same as Ramona, she’s like the other side of the coin and the intent she had for the show was to gun for her. She’s a lock-jawed, bunny-nose egomaniac to Ramona’s bug-eyed, slope-mouthed drunken heap of un-selfawareness. I vote them both off the island

    Cuntess is insufferable. She does strut around with her pumpkin head and I Love her finally getting a bad edit. I applaud Carol if for no other reason than to point out her idiocy. I would be as sick as her of Lu’s endless prattling and showboating. I hope she finds a way to stick her title straight up Lu’s babymaker.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    I do like that Carole owned her immaturity. While it was funny it was immature, but Luann never caught on anyway.

    I guess with Heather I just get the I am going to exclude you just so you KNOW that I don’t like you. Because how much time did they really spend with Heather in a place where something would have been said that was out of line. At the slumber party were Luann said she had sex on a ping pong table, after Sonja put her face in the bidet, at the croquet game?!!?!?

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Cherry I took a Chines Medicine class from our local college. The teacher said you should end your shower with cold water as it helps to keep you healthy.

    Found out Carole is on the show because she is hoping her not yet finished book (is it done yet?) will be made into a tv show.

  8. 8
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    I thought of the opening scene of Mommie Dearest when I saw Sonja throw her face in the bidet full of ice. However, I’m pretty sure Joan Crawford/Faye Dunaway did that in a big bowl – not the bidet. That’s just foul. Of course, this is the woman who smeared her naked vag all over her dining room table for the cookbook cover, so nothing’s shocking at this point.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Sugar don’t forget she forgot the bottoms to her costume as well. She is nutty but loveable.

  10. 10
    CJ
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 6:00 am

    BSL, your imagery of a shark chasing the Pinot Princess around the party is great. All Bravo has to do is play the music from Jaws and they’ve got a viral video.

    I must say, I like Heather. She knows how to stop Ramoaner’s nonsense and even drive her out of a party, without any fighting or screeching. Ramoaner doesn’t know how to deal with a woman that won’t fight with her or be shocked by her outrageous chattering. Someone that simply smiles at her in a dismissive and condescending manner.

  11. 11
    tvsnarkeling
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 6:40 am

    I am on the Heather bandwagon too if it means someone is standing up to Ramona and her pinot-filled behavior. During their talk Ramona’s eyes kept darting back and forth like a caged mouse trying to find an exit. This is a bravo show and each one must show a reason to stay. Heather walking away from the conflict with Ramona does not make for good reality tv.

    I did find the editing of this show off. One minute they are in England and the next scene they are walking into Aviva’ party. After watching the party scene they would have had more fun staying in England. Boring

  12. 12
    Surly Girly Surly Girly
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 8:19 am

    “Maybe it is a royalty thing, but the countess takes it upon herself to enter the room of the sleeping princess.”

    Ha! Brilliant!

  13. 13
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted July 20, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    That was the bestest recap of all time!
    BSL has it down! :-)
    However COHEN needs to do some work on NY. Zzzzz

  14. 14
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted July 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Oh dear, the “Entertainer” bit had me having a bit of a laugh attack. Ah, Sonia. You crazy hipster chick ya. Great recap!

  15. 15
    lisa
    Posted July 23, 2012 at 3:18 am

    wow the new girls are boring as hell…wtf bravo

  16. 16
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 23, 2012 at 8:39 am

    @Lisa 15– I am guessing that Aviva is related thru marriage to a producer–my gimlet cawfee eye spied a “Dresher” in the credits. ANd Princess Carole (love her!!!!) is shopping her book and TV show. And Heather (smiling b/c I like her–youse guys know I do–and I give her and her rookie mistakes alot of passes except her intro “Holla!!!”) not too sure except that she must have applied.

    We knew that Jill had to go along with Crackers Bensimon and Cyndy. Alex and Simon could have stayed I think for another season to help the crew transition in.

  17. 17
    fancyface
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Heather is an asshole and there is nothing cute about her antics. She knows exactly what she’s doing & so does Ramona. Ramona has her number and in my opinion Ramona came out on top in that scene because she cut that bitch off at the knees as she desperately chased her around for a scene. So over that dumb beeyotch.

    BTW…that poser didn’t say baby maker..she said baby maka which makes it 10 times worse! Ughh!

  18. 18
    DowntoEarth
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    I’m so glad Heather was added to the mix. Finally, a match for the beast that is Ramona. Heather doesn’t let her bulldoze her so Ramona flees, leaving a trail of crap steaming out of her.

    Heather may not be as pretty as ole crazy eyes but at least she doesn’t have crazy eyes nor have the worst case of brain-farting, malicious turrets.

    FINALLY there’s Heather now, a voice of reason on this ridiculous show.

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