No one saw her, did they? Wrong, countess! Pardon saw and he no likey–at all! A rose by any other name would not stink as badly as Punkin’s manners.
Pardon sees all, Madame Pumpkin Head.
Sonja and Carole eventually hatch and return to the table, having thoroughly minded their gaps. Sonja compliments Pleather by saying she’s never stayed in the sweet penthouse and is thrilled to be there. She asks Lu if she’s ever been in one, and of course, she has. Not only has she stayed in penthouses before, she seems offended that there would be any question. The pot’s getting a little hotter. Will there be a Notting Hillbilly feud? Oh, I so hope so!
I’m gonna be in here a while. You might wanna get your own. Or not.
Sleepy Carole is up early the next morning to accompany Pleather to her television interview. Pleather is advised prior to the interview that she can only mention her brand one time during the interview. Despite that restriction, Pleather nails the interview like an old pro.
Ramona is speaking at the Learning Annex, so Mary-O accompanies her. He seems like a great husband to Ramona Grigio. He calms her down and knows just how to deal with her unique brand of crazy. She is there to inspire people that they can have it all. Pull out the Bumper Stickers for Dummies again. Ramona is upset that there’s no huge picture of her leading the way to the small conference room. Turns out, Ramona doesn’t have it all, after all. Not even a bag of chips–the American kind.
Ramona makes a scene out of needing a higher table–for what? It’s a Learning Annex talk, not a presidential debate. Poor Mario, I’m feeling sorry for him. Everyone in the room looks like they’re feeling sorry for him. Everyone viewing this show is likely feeling sorry for him. At least Ramona lets him carry her purse.
Thank you for letting me carry your purse, Honey. I’m a lucky man.
Back across the “pond,” high tea is done and the ladies decide to have a night inside the penthouse. They order room service and take silly, posed Polaroids. They would die, if they realized how obviously this dates them–oh please, someone, tell them and fire up some Brothers Johnson on that 8-track while you’re at it! Pleather’s large-framed glasses earn her the nickname Potato Head. Potato Head describes the evening’s activities as getting nasty and dirty with their eating and their boozing. The rest of the population would describe the evening as The Golden Girls Do London and not at all in a Debbie way–well, maybe except for Sonja and Carole.
We’re gonna get nasty and dirty? Boozing and eating? I’ll need my glycerin pills!
Ramona and Mario get together for dinner with Aviva and Reid. The evening kicks off with a choking Ramona. She’s in luck, though, since everyone at the table knows the Heimlich Maneuver. They’d practically be fighting over cracking her ribs. Ramona is convinced they are having more fun than the ladies in London. Sorry, Ramona, the Golden Girls are having a great time without you and Ms. Phobia.
The Golden Girls are, indeed, having a blast, but once the tape measure comes out, honey, it gets wild! Carole did a story once that men are attracted to women with a 0.7 ratio of hips to waist, since that is the perfect ratio for fertility. Who should they measure? Pumpkin Head jumps up and volunteers. Turns out, bitch is fertile with 0.729! I’m starting to think that LuAnn with a belly like the dome of St. Peter’s Basilica would be a major improvement to this show. You go, girl, gap be damned.