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Thursday, June 7, 2012
6:00 am
51 Comments
Tagged: aviva drescher, blazing 55 gallon drum meals, Carole Radziwill, countess, heartbreak heather, Heather Thomson, jagermeister gnomes, louder, LuAnn De Lesseps, oner-upper, parody, pinot grigio, premiere, ramona, Ramona Singer, recap, rhony, RHONYC, sonja fresh, Sonja Morgan, the blackmailer, the quicker, three leg pedicure, toaster oven cookbook, tvgasm
Aviva is nervous since Sonja is her ex-husband’s best friend and she might have slept with him. Big build up for nothing–turns out, Harry will not be at the party. Aviva and Sonja chit chat a little, with Aviva telling Sonja that she was worried that she might be uncomfortable with the “crinkles.” Sonja gives the tired line, “I don’t stir the pot, I stir the drinks.” Please drop that, Sonja, it is annoying. After all, why does anyone watch this carp–to see the pot stirred, until it explodes. So get with it, people!
We grew these chicken skewers in my garden–and they’re Sonja fresh.
Heather and Carole show up with some champagne that is an upgrade from Ramona’s radiator Pinot Grigio. Hell, toilet water is an upgrade from Ramona’s Pinot Grigio. Just look what it’s done to her brain–zombies pass her up like an empty plate. Carole is kind of in the background in a tiny unitard/short short outfit. I’m not sure what it’s called, but I’m going to call it a “Carole” suit, which looked a little bit like something a high school wrestler or Borat would wear, but hey, anything that woman puts on can be sexy…well, nevermind, anything except that unitard thing…what did I just name it? Oh yeah, the “Carole” suit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like the book, but what about my “Carole” suit? It’s sexy, no?
Heather was so enthralled with the ladies wearing clothes that she forgot to introduce Carole. When the ladies realize they’ve been chatting up the Yummie Tummie Dummie while someone of actual note has been cooling her heels on the “outside” they shrink inside a little. Poor Carole in her “Carole” suit.
The ladies are chit-chatting and acting sociable until Pinot-for-Brains shows up with her hubby, Mary-O. I can’t decide if I like him or just like him better than his pickled wife–barely. But then again, there’s something about the way he looks at women–especially Sonja–that seems pretty creepy. In this show, creepy may also be good entertainment.
Why is Mark Ballas over my shoulder? Tell that creeper I’m about to kick his ass.
The Countess is annoyed to see her nemesis show up. Camera LuAnn says how she is still angry at Ramona for all of the nasty things she said last season…ANNNNNND….she still hasn’t apologized. Are you paying attention? I need to repeat this one more time. She still hasn’t apologized!
Can you believe she still has not apologized?
Ramona can’t keep her hands off of Heather’s dress since her Yummie is peaking through. Ramona says she wants to un-do Heather and that she’s a woman. Sorry, Ramona, that doesn’t make you any less of a creeper. Aviva gushes to Carole how much she loved her book. Carole is genuinely humbled. If there’s ever been a housewife on any franchise that I would want to be a friend with, it’s Carole. And that “Carole” suit–really, gotta have one in every color.
Heather and LuAnn are talking about their background and asks LuAnn what her father looked like since she said he was half American Indian. Heather then tells LuAnn that her father just passed away, like a week or two prior. As talking head LuAnn said, “Awkward.” Carole is in a circle with Ramona and Aviva discussing motherhood. Carole says she doesn’t hate kids, she just hates when moms do nothing but talk about them. Guess everyone has an opinion–and that other thing.
There’s something about the way LuAnn is inching closer to Ramona and asking if they can talk about something. Ramona says she’s not feeling well and doesn’t want to get into it, but LuAnn says she just wants to talk so there isn’t an elephant in the room all of the time. Ramona looks around and says there isn’t an elephant in the room. Let her finish the other bottle of Night Train that she brought and she’ll see a big pink one. Until hell freezes over, LuAnn will not be getting an apology from Ramona.
You apologize to me, bitch, or I’ll sic that elephant on you.
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51 Comments
Fun Reading!
Just a couple of points. Lulu conveniently left out that while that party was going on for her 15 year old son – she wasn’t at home. She had to come rushing back when she got the call that the girl was passed out.
To save me from having to watch this again – I must have missed something in the exchange between Mario and Heather. My recollection was that, although Heather had interrupted him several times while he was trying to tell the story, he didn’t say anything until Ramona came over and then they were both interrupting him and I thought his crack about being interrupted was directed at both of them. Can someone clarify for me? Thank you very much.
Judging by the blogs, I think I would like to read Carole’s book. I usually don’t read uplifting type books but this seems like it would be really well written with splashes of humor. I wish I weren’t so distracted by her teeth. I think it will probably take a few episodes to get used to her look. I just really really really want her to at some point tell the Countess to address her as “Princess”.
Mimo, the conversation between Heather and Mario was okay until Ramona told Heather to listen to Mario and started telling her she needs to listen to people, let others speak, etc. I thought Mario was actually good humored about it and did just sort of walk away at a certain point. It seemed like he just wanted to enjoy the party, and wanted his guest to, also.
On the episode, it sounded like LuAnn was actually there, that kids came rushing to her and she saw the young lady passed out in the bushes.
‘LuAnn is disgusted that Ramona would go after her kids like a half bottle of Pinot Grigio laying in the gutter.’
Truer words were never spoken! And the imagery in my head of Ramoner going after that wine is priceless!!
Luann told the ladies that she “tried.to arouse the girl”, when she couldn’t that is when she new something was wrong and to call 911.
Also. When Victoria broke both her arms, Luann freely gave out that information. She told one of the lasies, victoria broke both her arms falling off the roof trying to sneak out. I can’t remember who she said it to. Hell it could have been Rosie, the old housekeeper.
AWESOME RECAP!! You had me rolling with everyone one-uping Heather and LuAnn’s drive by Ramoner bashing. She has spies I tell you!!!
So Ramona apologized for her words….well damn LuLu what the hell do you want?
whew!!!! We are back on cray-cray train—slow start but I know we will build up speed–Thanks BSL—for capping!!!!!!
@1 Mimo — am going to watch again– they had me so bored I flipped channels–will watch again today. Also Mario bugs me– is he our new Simon?? Hogging for face time???? And I want Carole to make Lulu call her “Princess” too—-rofl.
If anyone can take down LuAnn, it’s Princess Carole. I was just reading up on her on Wiki and wow, this lady is the real deal! What a career and accomplishments. Sorry LuAnn, you really, really pale in comparison. Hail Princess Carole!
Trkaelin all the housewives pale in comparison to Carole except the one from Atlanta who also has a real career. Sorry don’ watch that franchise or read the recaps.
All we missed from the one-upper conversation was Alexis.
Can’t wait for karma to to hit the countess upside the head. Of course she wants the kids off the table, look at how Victoria behaves compared to Avery. Say what you want about Ramona and Mario, so far they have done a good job with Avery. I think she is a younger version of Briana.
If you’d thrown a fur vest thingy over it, Kelly would have been all up in that Carole suit. I am so glad that dingbat is gone.
BSL – you are hilarious! I am so looking forward to recaps this season!
“THEIR LIFETIME!”
I was skeptical of the new mix, some of the ladies added over the years have fallen flat in the franchises, but this cleaning house seems to be working very well for NY- I thought I would miss the crazy that Kelly brings but I am not in the least.
@maryedith – Kelly would completely wear the Carol suit, although it is a bit modest for her taste
Awesome recap BSL! couldn’t stop laughing at the jagermeister gnomes, still tee heeing
The housewives were totally boring. I think they brought too many new ones in at one time. Maybe it would have been better to spread them out over a few shows than dump all of them on us at once.
Oh well. Viva the one-legged lady. Hopefully she smacks somebody in the head with her prosthesis before it’s all over with.
Viva reminds me alot of Micheala Salami. Not how she acts AND I DO APOLOGIZE UNLIKE RAMONA…but looks wise.
I Think No matter what Kelly and Jill HAD to go! Cindy was so ugly and just didn’t get it, plus she was new so i could see why she was scrapped and Alex wasn’t legit at all, Did they have to keep Lu-Ann?
i NEVER found her to contribute anything to the show infact she takes from it, and Heather is an Oddball Dana+Rommona inspired personality, She didn’t need to be added either! Wish Carole had her teeth fixed i was surprised how they bothered me too but too bad i’m still tuning in lol
I know recapping can be hard work, but if I could politely ask, would you please retire the “Carole Suit” joke already and maybe come up with a few other jokes instead? Because if I am being honest, the recap seems pretty light on humor and heavy on “she said and then she said and then she said” play-by-play.
Awesome recap!
I like Carole too. And Aviva, although it looks like she’s gonna tell Sonja and the Ramonster next week that they’re white trash! That should be good. Hope she tells the Countess that she’s a Eurotrash wanna-be. Heather looks like Patrick Swayze in drag in that Woo Fung tu movie from the 1990s, but with more makeup and bigger shoulders.
@ GasmFood, Thank you! Please help me out with a link so I can look over your work for some much-needed tips! xoxo!
BelowSeaLevel–enjoyed your recap. But before you get all “oh no you didn’t!” with commenters (ref: gasmfood), take a deep breath. The comment wasn’t that rude, just a suggestion made about more commentary and less narrative. I’m a writer too and very used to feedback. I enjoy knowing how readers react to my words and it really makes us all better writers. If it does bug you too much, just let it roll off your shoulders.
flove you bsl, priceless!
Hi BelowSeaLevel… what reality said is correct, it was just a suggestion, and if you would like an example of what I’m referring to, take a look back at some of the prior recaps of this show and perhaps it will be helpful.
@ below sea food….ftw!
Carole suit!!!!
@BelowSeaLevel We’ll have to agree to disagree about how they couldn’t keep down the path they were on. I think they totally could’ve and it would’ve been awesome!
Maybe not on Bravo but TLC could really use a new group for more episodes of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding!
Aviva’ll probably look a lot better once her lips go down a little bit.
(I’ll try to type some more once I can quit laughing @ “those cripples..tacky disasters” I bet that’s exactly what Luann was thinking!)
Hilarious recap, BSL!
Heather is awful- and I love it! You had me lol with the play by play of Ramona’s attempt to one up her. Yay!
I like Aviva and Carole also. Carole is teeny tiny!
The previews for the season look delicious and full of screaming goodness. Looking forward to reading more.
Everybody needs to stop what they’re doing right now and go read Carole’s blog. It made me love her dearly. I would love to see her do a guest recap. Seriously, she gets it. She isn’t taking any of this too seriously. I think I’m in love.
I have to say that Yummie Tummie is a weird name for something that’s supposed to de-emphasize the tummy. Isn’t it? I would have thought it was a maternity line. I don’t know why it’s bothering me enough to write a comment about it. Maybe it’s really that I’m sick and tired of shapewear and wishing that tummies could be seen as just a little bit yummy.
@GasmFood isnt easier for your ass to leave? You are are one buzz kill, GasmFood
Victoria snuck out her room window, fell, and broke both arms? Rapunzel, Hamptons style.
Belowsealevel: It’s unbecoming to be so snappy about some very nicely worded constructive criticism. To be honest, I agree with Gasmfood and thought the Carole suit joke should’ve been retired after the first joke
@BSL…you’re right! I was disgusted by the party story (as you know) and mostly because I thought Lu said Noel called her on the phone to come & they didn’t call the ambulance until she got there. Watching it again, she did say she was actually there & they called her from another room. So, I guess that’s a little better. Still think that shit is shady as hell & wish we knew the whole story.
Was anyone else reminded of Kelly saying ‘Oh, how cute’ after Jill told her Allie had arthritis when Heather say Yay after Ramona’s birth of horror story? LOL..what a moron part deux!
BTW BSL (and don’t open a can of whoop ass on me like you did Gasmfood, which was genius by the way)…I kinda agree with GF. I liked the recap, but I too was looking for more jokes and snark like you had in the mini. It really was kind of just a play by play with a few bits of humor. I personally prefer the evisceration of these crazy bitches over a ‘this is what happened’ kinda cap. We may not be cappers, but a true Gasmii knows what a good recap looks like. We have been well trained by professors flipit, dearcrabby, bbitz, schoonie, tmurda, et al. Again, just my 2 cents. Take it or leave it. You’re funny as hell so just maybe show us more funny. Like the funny shit you say in the picture captions! “Oh for the love of Pinot, make her shut up” LOL..priceless!
And you can reference my writing for tips at..um….err….I forgot, I mean the link is broken, umm the..oh yeah, the server is down at the place where all my work is published, but I promise I’m good
Anyway, Heather is an ass! There. I said it! I think it is an honor for Romana to not only be asked to teach @ the learning annex, but to get the COVER of the mag. Donald Trump, Puff Diddy, & a lot of other very successful D-bags have graced the cover of that ‘free mag’ so she’s in good company. (business wise, because both of them are tools, but you can’t deny them being great entrepreneurs) I also didn’t like how she was kind of insinuating that she’s a better business woman because she’s always in her office unlike Ramona. Umm, that nutbag is crazy as hell but she is a successful nutbag so she needs to find something else to take her potshots at. Idiot.
BelowSeaLevel: your response to constructive criticism and the suggestion on how to improve your recap was really quite Klassy.
You are obviously a good enough writer if you are working for the ‘Gasm, so please don’t be so defensive when someone critiques your work. Hell, famous published authors still have their works critiqued after several best selling novels. It’s the way the world works: if you put something out into a public forum, people will voice their opinions, as is their right. If the comment was filled with insult and vitriol, then I would back your response to them, but it was nicely worded and not offensive.
And to imply that someone does not have the right to review your work because they are not a writer is ridiculous. I am not a director or actor, yet I still have my opinions on movies and tv shows. Music? Yup, not a musician but still can say what I like and don’t like about it. And I am not a politician, but I definitely voice my opinions about that subject.
Instead of immediately going on the defense when someone offers advice to improve, take a step back, look at what they said and see if it has merit. If you are not open to suggestions, then you will not change. If you do not change, you will not grow as a writer. xoxo!
For snarks sake, how many paragraphs are there going to be on four sentences between gasmfood and BSL? *faints*
Thank you for reading the recap and taking the time to comment. This was a long and drawn out premiere episode that had conversations likely to continue throughout the rest of the season. The main one that comes to mind is the phone call/text messages between LuAnn and Ramona.
For the benefit of someone that didn’t see the episode, and as a reference when Ramona likely tells her side of the story and we hear more about Aviva’s ex with half of the cast, this recap did have more play by play than readers–including myself–would have liked. As I said earlier, this episode is likely setting the foundation for some contentious screaming matches. There were some nuances that to get right, required including some writing that isn’t as fun as picturing Ramona diving for a bottle of wine.
I do agree with and appreciate much of the constructive criticism, actually, and being snippy isn’t cool, but hopefully some will agree that this initial recap, like the premiere episode setting the foundation for future showdowns and blackmail threats, needed to be somewhat thorough and factual for people to come back to.
I was hoping to retire my watching of RHONYC, but they were sneaky and pulled me back in!! I don’t know that I could ever hate Ramona. I don’t know why. She’s rude and I hate rude people, but so are all of the other Housewives. I love how LuAnn started crap against Ramona at every chance she got. I can’t stand her, but she really knows how to play the game.
I’m going to like Carole. She said “allegedly” when interviewing about the Ramona stories from LuAnn and said “IF she said those things, that’s wrong”. Love her. Seems to be pretty level-headed and mature. And I thought she looked killer in the hot pants. I’m a bit younger than her and totally would have looked like a Staypuft marshmallow in it.
One last thought – OH HEATHER! She’s one of those people you meet in line at the grocery store to decides to tell you about their husband’s drinking problem, their fall down the stairs in ’82, and their horrible car accident in ’94. Seriously, STFU. It’s sad, but we all have trials and traumas. No one likes to hear about it when they first meet you…all at once…in the same sentence. Yowza!
Stay strong, BLS! You are a tough one to handle a recap of such a drama-filled extended episode.
@ 15 RealHousewife– I think adding Princess Carole (love her) saved Lulu’s spot on the show– two ladies of royalty on one show ??? GENIUS !!!!
I am giving a pass to Heather- I think she has some rookie mistakes here. And b/c I heart Carole so much I can share my love and give a little to Heather. Gal called Shenanigans in Yiddish for the love of Mike–I will be patient with her. Her husband is cute too.
They jump out when I hit the high notes… LOL! Does anyone remember last year (2 years in real life) when Ramona retweeted a picture/video of Luann’s daughter? I think that’s what started this whole mess. Something for them to bitch about. Ramona bet hope that Avery doesn’t slip up in public, Luann would be all over that in a hot minute. She would get somebody to do the dirty work for her, of course. The Countess is classy that way you know…
Carole Suit is the new Unattended.
BSL – thanks for the detailed recap. I’m one who reads tvgasm, but seldom watches the shows. I get all I need/want from y’all. Good Luck this year!
Is a Countess supposed to curtsey to a Princess?
I enjoyed the recap.
Kadooz!
I thought the recap was great, but you just know that somewhere in a tacky upper East Side Apartment – between rounds of cleaning up dog shit – a bitter and despondent Jill Zarin was throwing fabric swatches and empty “skinny girl” bottles at her TV… “Bawby, I can’t breathe”….
@41 Truthy– am rofl. And there is another shapewear gal taking her place!!!! “BBBaaawwwwwbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!”
Please nobody tell VicTang from Dance Moms Miami about the Carole suit.
Or next time they do a circus act at the StarBooty we’ll be all be looking at 1 in every color on a mess of tweens doing the uglyfoot.
@Gypsy37 – funniest comment I have read all week – thank you
@truthsquad….LMBO! You know that Jill is having a conniption in that high rise!
I can just she her now. She’s laid out in the bed in her mumu with squeeze wear under it with all the lights down low. Ginger is by her side. She’s wearing an eye mask on the top of her head & a cold rag on her forehead. She’s surrounded by cut up pieces of YummieTummie & shredded copies of all the skinny girl books lay on her night stand next to busted bottles of Ramona Pinot Grigio as shrieks of “WHY, BAWBBBBYYYY, WHY” can be heard echoing in the hallways. She’s staring at her framed copy of Secrets Of A Jewish Whatever The Hell Her Book Was Called, and wondering where it all went wrong. Did Amazongate take it too far? No, that couldn’t be it. None of this shit is her fault. Then it dawns on her…”That FUCKING BITCH Alex McCord” It’s all her fault!
Ahhh….Good Times!
Jill caused plenty of drama but methinks it was the bad acting at the riad that finally did her in.
“Until you say I’m sorry, Ramona, we could never be friends!”
All that was missing was dramatic music and a vaseline coated lens and it could’ve been a scene from The No Longer Young but Just as Restless.
BelowSeaLevel: I appreciate your kindness amongst snark. It allows you to be extra wrong later. It also saves the thread from too much emotion, and from too many sad stories. You hit nail on head with all the one-ups.
Keep doing it how you’re doing. I may even watch the show again.
(NOT!)
I have no idea what that last comment was talking about. The recap, or the response to the Advice Comments? It made no sense.
Even if you don’t watch Don’t Be Tardy For The Wedding, check on BSL’s recap’s. They are hilarious. No, I’m not BSL, just a huge fan.
Love , Love Love ..Carole( @ this point) ..Heather..must be the name..not too sure of..her one upping could get tiring fast…
Countess LuLu ..is getting on my bad side..because she is starting to act like moanona- I mean Romona..i think she may have had a sip tooo much ( any sip is too much..have you all tried that s*#t?) of Moanona’s wine?!
I agree the kids should be left out of this LuLu..but if so..why do you allow them to film your children ?! You are using the show to promote your daughters art ..which is great , but too dark and creepy for me,but the kid does have talent..I’ll give her that..in fact her pictures reminded me of how I felt the 1 time I had a glass of Moanona’s wine…BTW Is that stuff still on the market?
Ok gotta go but my favorite part of the recap is calling Mario_ Mary~O!!! I will never forget him sitting at an outdoor bistro in NYC with moanona and checking out in the most creepy way a couple of girls who walked past him! Can’t wait until next week
I find Mary-O slightly attractive ;x would never admit this offline. Must be my deep rooted daddy issues haha if he kept his mouth shut he would look even more dashing.