Ramona tells Mario her heart is beating out of her chest. Talking head Ramona says LuAnn will not be happy until she apologizes and gives her some of her blood. Just give her your blood, Ramona, and let’s light a match to it for fun.
Sonja asks the Countess about the ring that Jacques gave her. It’s not an engagement ring, it’s what LuAnn calls a ring for non-engagement. SMH. That is just downright silly. Oddly, Mary-O and Ramoaner seemed to be the most excited before they heard it was a ring for non-engagement. Why? Are they getting LuAnn’s dowry?
Ooooh, I don’t know. If he doesn’t propose to you, maybe I’ve still got a shot.
Carole heads out to meet with an article editor and the editor-in-chief of Glamour. Wait. What? Someone with a real career and real connections? Carole receives the plush assignment of interviewing some of the Kardashians. I like Carole’s attitude about the whole thing. She doesn’t know the Kardashians, but that is fine since she finds it works out better to go into an interview not knowing the interviewee. They also discuss featuring excerpts from Carole’s soon-to-be-finished book, The Widow’s Guide to Sex and Dating. It will be a novel based on Carole’s experiences as a young widow re-entering the dating world of New York. Her first book was a memoir about her deceased husband. Carole talks about how different it is for a divorced woman entering the dating world as opposed to entering the dating world after the death of a spouse. She makes a good point that people encourage divorced women to have as much sex as possible, while a widowed woman traditionally would adhere to period of mourning. This is getting a little too real.
Next stop, the offices of Yummie Tummie. Heather says she is changing the way the world feels about shape wear. I doubt that, Heather. I think the way the world feels is squeezed to the point of feeling like all of the internal organs are fusing together. Heather claims to have worked with the clothing lines of Calvin Klein, Polo Jeans, Sean Jean, P. Diddy, J-Lo, and Tina and Beyonce Knowles. Yet, it’s still so crummy that the dummy can’t spell yummy or tummy correctly.
Heather has invited Ramona Grigio to stop by in hopes of talking about the fashion industry. Ramona shows up in sunglasses and it is amazing how great she looks when the crazy eyes are out of sight.
Don’t let the glasses fool ya. I’m still crazy.
Ramona is yapping about how alike they are, that they are successful in the fashion industry, love their husbands and kids, and they have it all. Speaking of which, how convenient that Ramona seamlessly launches into how a free magazine is featuring her as a woman that has it all. Heather seems impressed to Ramona’s face, but when it comes time for her camera interview, she makes fun of the fact that it’s a cheesy, free magazine that is piled up next to the garbage cans. So, Ramona is helping people that linger by garbage bins to have it all–have all of the banana peels, chewed gum, and empty juice boxes that you want–Yes! You can have it all!
Heather, read my article. I can help you have it all!
Heather talks about wanting to be there for her kids. On the weekend, she spends time with her children by employing an amazing nanny. Speaking of nannies, there have to be babies for them to take care of, so Heather relates that her son was born ill. At six months of age, he required a liver transplant. This is very, very serious and a nightmare for any parent.
Ramona realizes that it is a life-threatening condition and he can’t live without a liver. Ramona cries because it is going to be hard to top that. How does one possibly top another mom’s baby needing a liver transplant at six-months? Damn, this is hard. Oh, please tears, drop from her eyes so she can think. Think, think, think. Ahhh! Yes, how about this. Ramona thought her daughter was born dead. The doctor had Ramonster pushing for two hours until he ultimately had to use forceps that were really long, as she motions that the forceps were nearly five-feet long. The doctor kept yanking and yanking and yanking. And…uhhhh…ummm…oh, and then it was a cord around the neck. Yeah, that’s it, it was a cord around the neck with her legs up! Oh my God! The legs were up! She was turning blue and let out a cry. See! Ramona’s birthing adventure really did have it all! Ramona says that is the reason why she never had a second child. No, it’s not because of an old pickled womb, it’s the cord and that her feet were up! Heather’s baby needing a liver transplant at six months is extreme and it was shameful for Ramona to try to one-up her. Ramona really is the quicker, louder, oner-upper.
Damn, an effing liver transplant. How in the hell am I gonna one-up her now?