Last week, the Great White Grin swam in from London with her shiver of sharks and celebrated Aviva’s fifth anniversary with a pinot-soaked chum fest courtesy of Sonja in the City. In a season sorely lacking in drama, watching Pleather’s gnashing smile chasing Ramona around the room was like a gory ray of sunshine that sadly set into the rosey sea too soon. Let’s hope for some bitchy shenanigans this week.
Ramona gathers the ladies for lunch to get all of the dirt on the London trip. LuAnn and Heather are schmexcluded from the table, but will instead be in the kitchen, getting fileted, garnished with radish roses and parsley sprigs, and then served on a platter…may as well order a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.
I’ve ordered some pumpkin soup for the table…countess-style.
Ramona is perplexed that Carole and Sonja have more to trash about the countess than Pleather. Carole is still smarting from LuAnn’s constant one-upmanship about everything from authoring a book to siblings. Meanwhile, Sonja still holds a grudge against LuAnn for always pushing ahead of everyone else to make her grand entrance, towering over her revolting little peasants, I mean peasants who are a little revolting, oh never mind.
Aviva has already reverse schmexcluded Ramonster and Mary-O to join her in Miami, and is also extending an invitation to Sonja. Turns out, Princess Carole will be in Miami at the same time, so she’s now included. But how about completing the circle with Pleather? Nope, someone must be anti-invited and there’ll be no Great Whites brought to Miami this time. Aviva assures Lady Morgan she will not be the fifth wheel since she is in full matchmaker mode. The
victim to be eaten alive gentleman is handsome, athletic, tall, dark and handsome, and more importantly, a seriously pharma-fueled horny old dude.
A toast to the Hornysaurus!
Sonja is confused how Aviva would know the guy is a sex addict, has he talked about it? Well, because…it’s Aviva’s father…yikes, walking away with toooo much information, but turning back, ’cause it’s finally getting really grossly entertaining. Ramona takes a big slug of pinot, while Sonja bursts into laughter. Carole is definitely on board going to Miami now to watch this train wreck. What happened to the back stabbing drama? This is grossatating. Can we go back to shopping for wedding bands or watching grass grow on the croquet fields–please? No, back to “As the Stomach Turns!”
Heather is hosting the queen of toasting at Yummie Tummie so that Sonja can get her logo designed. Pleather has called in a favor from an award winning package designer. Lady Morgan arrives, schlepping a rolling suitcase with a toaster oven in it. Sad all over. Wonder if there’s Sweet’n'Low, coffee stirrers, and ketchup packets squeezed into the side zippered compartments. Come to think of it, there could be a pretty “hungry” market for just such a kit under interstate over-passes and bridges down by rivers all over America. You go, Sonja in the City!