RHONY Recap: The Hornysaurus

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Thursday, July 26, 2012 | 9:40 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of NYC, Recaps

Last week, the Great White Grin swam in from London with her shiver of sharks and celebrated Aviva’s fifth anniversary with a pinot-soaked chum fest courtesy of Sonja in the City.  In a season sorely lacking in drama, watching Pleather’s gnashing smile chasing Ramona around the room was like a gory ray of sunshine that sadly set into the rosey sea too soon.  Let’s hope for some bitchy shenanigans this week.

Ramona gathers the ladies for lunch to get all of the dirt on the London trip.  LuAnn and Heather are schmexcluded from the table, but will instead be in the kitchen, getting fileted, garnished with radish roses and parsley sprigs, and then served on a platter…may as well order a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.

I’ve ordered some pumpkin soup for the table…countess-style.

 

Ramona is perplexed that Carole and Sonja have more to trash about the countess than Pleather.  Carole is still smarting from LuAnn’s constant one-upmanship about everything from authoring a book to siblings.  Meanwhile, Sonja still holds a grudge against LuAnn for always pushing ahead of everyone else to make her grand entrance, towering over her revolting little peasants, I mean peasants who are a little revolting, oh never mind.

Aviva has already reverse schmexcluded Ramonster and Mary-O to join her in Miami, and is also extending an invitation to Sonja.  Turns out, Princess Carole will be in Miami at the same time, so she’s now included.  But how about completing the circle with Pleather?  Nope, someone must be anti-invited and there’ll be no Great Whites brought to Miami this time.  Aviva assures Lady Morgan she will not be the fifth wheel since she is in full matchmaker mode.  The victim to be eaten alive  gentleman is handsome, athletic, tall, dark and handsome, and more importantly, a seriously pharma-fueled horny old dude. 

A toast to the Hornysaurus!

 

Sonja is confused how Aviva would know the guy is a sex addict, has he talked about it?  Well, because…it’s Aviva’s father…yikes, walking away with toooo much information, but turning back, ’cause it’s finally getting really grossly entertaining.  Ramona takes a big slug of pinot, while Sonja bursts into laughter.  Carole is definitely on board going to Miami now to watch this train wreck.  What happened to the back stabbing drama?  This is grossatating.  Can we go back to shopping for wedding bands or watching grass grow on the croquet fields–please?  No, back to “As the Stomach Turns!”

Heather is hosting the queen of toasting at Yummie Tummie so that Sonja can get her logo designed.  Pleather has called in a favor from an award winning package designer.  Lady Morgan arrives, schlepping a rolling suitcase with a toaster oven in it.  Sad all over.  Wonder if there’s Sweet’n'Low, coffee stirrers, and ketchup packets squeezed into the side zippered compartments. Come to think of it, there could be a pretty “hungry” market for just such a kit under interstate over-passes and bridges down by rivers all over America.  You go, Sonja in the City!

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Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

15 Comments

  1. 1
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

    What does Pepe le Pew do exactly? He sells wine or is just a pro douche/wine drinker?
    Great recap, BSL!! :-)

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Ramona at the dinner table was hilarious. I normally don’t laugh out loud unless someone falls down (sorry Aviva, but I am sure you want to be treated like everyone else), but Ramona had me in stitches.

    So do people just let anyone do their brows? I have been going to the same place for 10 years. I don’t know that I could just let a random person mess with my eyebrows. Maybe I am just a creature of habit.

    TURTLE TIME!!!!

  3. 3
    Katie
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I have to say, I saw the previews, and what hornysaurus says to princess Carole and seeing Mario spew out his drink actually had me in stitches. That, and the sommelier dig that backfired was amusing. Don’t get between a lush and her Pinot soaked liver, girlie man.

  4. 4
    LAC LAC
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    @classy, dahling, this random eye brow waxing by any hoi polloi is just not done. Quel horror!
    (seriously, I like routine too)

    When does the shit in the fan on this show? Let’s go!!

    I did have a LOL moment when Luann said (about the waxing) “It hurts like a bitch!” Countess, really? Such language… And that little plot you cooked up with frenchy was a little nasty – all we were missing was high school lockers and a bunch of bitchy cheerleaders. Meow…

    Ramona is exhausting. A workout with Richard Simmons is less exhausting. Watching those eyes bulge, that mouth run non-stop. I know that she is considered fun, but I do not think that I could deal with her without dramamine. And that salad ordering? Either that place is used to high maintenance heiffas or that balsamic dressing will have some new “ingredients”. That poor waiter…

    Aviva – your Dad? First, ewwwww. Second, when is he and Jackie Mason opening at Catskills? And that epic sized hotdog could be put to good use when you are stirring shit. Which is constantly now…

    Poor Sonja – she finally met a man who was not in awe of her or terrified of her ability to consume him whole.

    Danke for the great recap. Hope this show becomes worthy of you.

  5. 5
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Wow! The Aviva family just up and broke every record and won every prize for creepy inappropriate family conversation in the world!

    The Kardashians are going to be so pissed.

  6. 6
    mere2142
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    I have been having the same girl do my eyebrows for the last 5 years and the thought of going somewhere else makes me break out in hives!

    Why is it Heather’s job to school everyone else on manners and etiquette? And the Cuntless no less – has she not read the book!?!

    This seemed like a set up for next week when the shit really hits the fan…and it better because so far this season has been a let down.

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I can’t believe these hoity-toity women still do waxing. How pedestrian. Hello threading.

  8. 8
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Saw the previews…the second half of this season looks interesting.
    The Countess is a slore….hmmmmmm.

  9. 9
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I hate how Bravo teases us. As good as the Countess being a sloot would be, I just know it’s a bait and switch, but I am still praying because she has become the most vile this season. I’m glad she’s getting the bitch edit because I think them keeping her while firing so many others has really over-inflated that pumpkin head of hers.

    Although Aviva is annoying, she made a good point that it is really messed up to try to make someone’s kids or business look bad on air. I was surprised Ramona didn’t recognize her wine just based on how much of it she drinks, but I was thinking it’s possible she thought it was a close competitor, in which case if she praised it she would look bad/hurt her business. Basically Lu put her in a lose-lose situation and sat nearby and cackled like the harpy she is the whole time.

    If Ramona’s wine is crap, let the good people of target decide, it doesn’t have to come out of Lu’s snide uncouth Count-gobbler mouth.

    PS I don’t like the Countess

  10. 10
    aliens.rock
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    It is silly, but what was the name of the ginormous hot dog Aviva ordered? Was it Kobe beef or Kobe B.hot dog? When I heard the name the first time, I thoght they said “Kobe B. “, and since I saw the previews with the giant hot dog on the plate, I thought that the hot dog was named after Kobe Bryant, some kind of athlete, and his dong. I don’t want to sound racist or anything, ha, ha. Maybe I am wrong, but I defienietly have a dirty mind…

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Kobe Beef hot dog Aliens not Kobe Bryant. :)

  12. 12
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    It has been a slow burn of a season but after that flash forward at the end of this episode, HOLY HELL, it is going to get good and nasty.

    Hilarious and spot on recap. XO

  13. 13
    2muchbravo
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Dang, I missed this epi (away in London Dahling . Sadly not at the penthouse in the Mayfair.)
    Gotta catch up before the next one.
    Oh, are they going to have an episode this week or is it the Olympics?

  14. 14
    Closet Fan
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    I just watched this episode. George is a dirty old man. Aviva’s is pretty boring and most likely trying to stay on the show. Her fathers antics add to her story. I hope he is really not that gross that it was more for the cameras.

  15. 15
    NewYawka
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    There is something seriously wrong with Avivas’ penis-wrinkle father. He scares me.

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