RHONY Recap: The Hornysaurus

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Thursday, July 26, 2012 | 9:40 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of NYC, Recaps

And a one, and a two, and a three…three…three trays!

 

Once the meeting gets started, thinking she knows the answer, Sonja asks the designer if he’s seen her photo shoot with her sprawled across her dining room table flashing her hoo-ha.  Unfortunately, he hasn’t, which deflates Sonja on many levels.  She probably thought he’d be entranced by her, but even worse, it also means he doesn’t really know  about her hoo-ha, umm, brand.  Sonja is correct in that she is the vajayjayin’ brand, so it’s disappointing he walked into the meeting knowing nothing about her.  All he needs to know is that her hoo-ha is her brand.  Instead of burning images of Mickey Mouse onto toast, Sonja’s toaster oven is for the more mature set, searing images of tacos and bearded clams onto anything that hits one of its trays.  Pretty sure the Hornysaurus will be in for one…and another one in four hours.

It should sell well.  Every guy she’s slept with will probably buy one, so that’s easily a million!

 

While they are discussing images and fonts, Sonja is bringing up her failed production company logo.  Sonja has a bubbly personality, but mister graphic artist isn’t falling under her spell.  The talk of mission statement and un-sexy “J” fonts begin to shut Sonja down.   She needs and wants professional help, just not in the graphic artist/marketing department.

Can you believe this picture that some old guy in Miami sent me?  He used Times New Roman, for pity’s sake.  Send him a cease and desist letter…and use Bazooka font.

 

She needs the logo soon because the boxes are ready to be made.  The designer is only feeling favor, not money time pressure, unlike Sonja, whose biotoasterlogical clock is ticking double-speed.  The two of them just aren’t meshing.  It looks like she wants to walk out, but she stays.  Even more ego busting happens when he tells Sonja that he doesn’t want her all over the box.  She has a black and white photo ready to go, but Heather encourages her to go full-on color since she’s like a box of jelly beans.  Yes, she said jelly beans, though you know she’s thinking about those weird Bertie Bott’s flavors, like earwax or boogers or broomstick-ridden-hard-and-put-up-wet.

I detect some notes of Porta-Potty…a turquoise Porta-Potty.

 

Since Countess Punkin has been the absent target all evening, it’s time to join her at Jacques’ wine and shame party.  He throws in a trick question about the color of the juice from a red grape, snaring Aviva in his trap.  After the shark attack at the anniversary party, Ramona is happy to see LuAnn for a change and is trying to figure out how to catch lightning in a bottle with Heather.  Pleather is first up for the blindfold game.  When Heather is asked if she likes the wine, she shakes her head and looks rather displeased.  LuAnn cackles up a storm.  Hmmmm…wonder why?

I detect hints of motor oil…10W-40.

 

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Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

15 Comments

  1. 1
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

    What does Pepe le Pew do exactly? He sells wine or is just a pro douche/wine drinker?
    Great recap, BSL!! :-)

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Ramona at the dinner table was hilarious. I normally don’t laugh out loud unless someone falls down (sorry Aviva, but I am sure you want to be treated like everyone else), but Ramona had me in stitches.

    So do people just let anyone do their brows? I have been going to the same place for 10 years. I don’t know that I could just let a random person mess with my eyebrows. Maybe I am just a creature of habit.

    TURTLE TIME!!!!

  3. 3
    Katie
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I have to say, I saw the previews, and what hornysaurus says to princess Carole and seeing Mario spew out his drink actually had me in stitches. That, and the sommelier dig that backfired was amusing. Don’t get between a lush and her Pinot soaked liver, girlie man.

  4. 4
    LAC LAC
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    @classy, dahling, this random eye brow waxing by any hoi polloi is just not done. Quel horror!
    (seriously, I like routine too)

    When does the shit in the fan on this show? Let’s go!!

    I did have a LOL moment when Luann said (about the waxing) “It hurts like a bitch!” Countess, really? Such language… And that little plot you cooked up with frenchy was a little nasty – all we were missing was high school lockers and a bunch of bitchy cheerleaders. Meow…

    Ramona is exhausting. A workout with Richard Simmons is less exhausting. Watching those eyes bulge, that mouth run non-stop. I know that she is considered fun, but I do not think that I could deal with her without dramamine. And that salad ordering? Either that place is used to high maintenance heiffas or that balsamic dressing will have some new “ingredients”. That poor waiter…

    Aviva – your Dad? First, ewwwww. Second, when is he and Jackie Mason opening at Catskills? And that epic sized hotdog could be put to good use when you are stirring shit. Which is constantly now…

    Poor Sonja – she finally met a man who was not in awe of her or terrified of her ability to consume him whole.

    Danke for the great recap. Hope this show becomes worthy of you.

  5. 5
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Wow! The Aviva family just up and broke every record and won every prize for creepy inappropriate family conversation in the world!

    The Kardashians are going to be so pissed.

  6. 6
    mere2142
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    I have been having the same girl do my eyebrows for the last 5 years and the thought of going somewhere else makes me break out in hives!

    Why is it Heather’s job to school everyone else on manners and etiquette? And the Cuntless no less – has she not read the book!?!

    This seemed like a set up for next week when the shit really hits the fan…and it better because so far this season has been a let down.

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I can’t believe these hoity-toity women still do waxing. How pedestrian. Hello threading.

  8. 8
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Saw the previews…the second half of this season looks interesting.
    The Countess is a slore….hmmmmmm.

  9. 9
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I hate how Bravo teases us. As good as the Countess being a sloot would be, I just know it’s a bait and switch, but I am still praying because she has become the most vile this season. I’m glad she’s getting the bitch edit because I think them keeping her while firing so many others has really over-inflated that pumpkin head of hers.

    Although Aviva is annoying, she made a good point that it is really messed up to try to make someone’s kids or business look bad on air. I was surprised Ramona didn’t recognize her wine just based on how much of it she drinks, but I was thinking it’s possible she thought it was a close competitor, in which case if she praised it she would look bad/hurt her business. Basically Lu put her in a lose-lose situation and sat nearby and cackled like the harpy she is the whole time.

    If Ramona’s wine is crap, let the good people of target decide, it doesn’t have to come out of Lu’s snide uncouth Count-gobbler mouth.

    PS I don’t like the Countess

  10. 10
    aliens.rock
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    It is silly, but what was the name of the ginormous hot dog Aviva ordered? Was it Kobe beef or Kobe B.hot dog? When I heard the name the first time, I thoght they said “Kobe B. “, and since I saw the previews with the giant hot dog on the plate, I thought that the hot dog was named after Kobe Bryant, some kind of athlete, and his dong. I don’t want to sound racist or anything, ha, ha. Maybe I am wrong, but I defienietly have a dirty mind…

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Kobe Beef hot dog Aliens not Kobe Bryant. :)

  12. 12
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    It has been a slow burn of a season but after that flash forward at the end of this episode, HOLY HELL, it is going to get good and nasty.

    Hilarious and spot on recap. XO

  13. 13
    2muchbravo
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Dang, I missed this epi (away in London Dahling . Sadly not at the penthouse in the Mayfair.)
    Gotta catch up before the next one.
    Oh, are they going to have an episode this week or is it the Olympics?

  14. 14
    Closet Fan
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    I just watched this episode. George is a dirty old man. Aviva’s is pretty boring and most likely trying to stay on the show. Her fathers antics add to her story. I hope he is really not that gross that it was more for the cameras.

  15. 15
    NewYawka
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    There is something seriously wrong with Avivas’ penis-wrinkle father. He scares me.

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