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Heather and Aviva rendezvous at the infamous park bench to chit chat about stuff. There’s not much for the squirrels and vagrants to see in this episode of As the Park Bench Turns. No shiny shellac nails or blackmail this time around.
Aviva tells Heather that she wants to go to London with the “cool girls” and wants Heatherie to know she’s not in an alliance with Ramona. Aviva thinks that would be a nightmare and seems insecure during this discussion. First, her son not riding a bike on two wheels like Heather’s daughter. Second, thinking she’s going to get lumped in with Pinot Googly Eyes versus The Cool Girls.
If she’s afraid of being viewed in alliance with the Axis of Ramona, then why keep hounding Heather to invite her? London has spoken. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender to Ramona and her wino ways.
The point of Heather inviting some of the ladies to London was to have fun and let her hair down. This is hard for Aviva to grasp since she has a hair-down phobia.
Come to think of it, she isn’t even going on the trip, so why is she trying to dictate the invitations to Heather’s trip? Could Aviva be trying to get Ramona out of the country for some nefarious reason? With the utter lack of drama or comedy in this season to date, we have to work the angles ourselves to keep interest up until something breaks.
Part of Heather’s trip is business, so she is concerned about what will come out of Ramona’s crazy-as-hell ethanol-fueled mouth–slurring and screeching. Aviva makes the point that it has to make someone feel rotten to be the ONLY person not invited. It becomes a matter of semantics since Heather feels like she didn’t invite the bitch she hates being around–especially while meeting with important business contacts–while Aviva wants her to own it that she excluded Ramona.
Aviva tells the camera it reminds her of school when she was the last person picked in gym class for sports teams. A young kid with one leg being picked last for a sports team is a little different than a grown ass woman with no self-control who screams out whatever comes into her pinot filled hat. Whatever, Aviva, you’re a shit stirrer. And thanks for that.
Camera Heatherie points out that Aviva isn’t a businesswoman and doesn’t understand the damage Ramona’s batshit crazy can do with international business partners. She also notes that Aviva is giving Ramona too many glasses, umm, passes. It’s about time to put that leg to good use and give Ramona a swift kick in the ass with it to knock some sense into her. Heather says she’s not being a mean girl, but Avivivie thinks that she is. The “we aren’t ever going to be mean girls” pact is eroding quickly, and it’s only episode 5. Geez, has it really taken this long?
Heather is curing the mean girl-ness by inviting Ramona to go shopping at her friend’s boutique, along with Carole and Aviva. Unless it’s a boutique filled with clingy satin cocktail dresses and gallons of wine spiked with thorazine, this isn’t going to end well. What’s currently not going over well with Heather is Avivivivies “crawling so far up Ramona’s ass”. Ewwwww! We don’t need any mention of her ass, Heather, thankyouverymuch.
The producers just keep hitting below the belt, moving from Ramona’s ass to LuAnn’s ovaries. It’s like a box of chocolates on RHONY! LuAnn is visiting a fertility acupuncture clinic. She is very upfront that she knows conceiving is difficult for a woman in her, well, something well after 40. Will LuAnn get anything more out of getting pricked with little needles than she has been getting poked with a little prick? But best of luck to her.