***Please welcome your Auditiongasm runner up (by like two percentage points. Really close, people), NouveauPoor!!
Happy bleeping birthday to bleeping Amy’s bleeping mom
Hey there, gasmii! I’m feeling very fortunate to be one of the newest recappers here at the ‘gasm. For my very first assignment, I’ll be taking over the recaps for Sin City Rules, TLC’s new show about five “high-powered” Las Vegas women (aka five middle-aged Vegas chicks who agreed to do a reality show for some publicity and a paycheck or two). If you want to catch up on the first two episodes, click here for a recap of episode 1 and here for the Winter Auditiongasm finalists’ take on episode 2. We’re a few episodes behind and I’m catching up as fast as I can; please bear with me as I get the hang of this!
Episode 3’s brief Previouslies remind us of the ongoing drama between Lana and Alicia; namely, Lana has declared Alicia public enemy number one due to Alicia’s purported penchant for sleeping with married men. Lana, who has clearly had some work done herself:
(and annoyingly sports sunglasses at night)
tells anyone within earshot of Alicia’s homewrecking ways and has maturely taken to calling Alicia “The Lizard” in reference to Alicia’s surgically enhanced appearance:
Shocked? Happy? Grieving? You be the judge.
We’re reminded of the showdown between these two during last episode’s Awkward Wine Tasting at Lori’s. Lana tries to apologize by saying something along the lines of “I shouldn’t have judged you before I knew you and that was wrong but it turns out you totally DO suck and my plastic surgeon is better than yours so there” while the other ladies look on in horrific discomfort. Eventually Lana leaves in a huff, rescinding her “apology” as she goes. Alicia is incredulous.
Or maybe not. It’s really hard to tell.
We learned last episode that Alicia has been separated from her husband for SEVEN YEARS, but never got the back story. Well speculate no longer, because this episode opens with Alicia and her soon-to-be-ex-husband Loring
who was clearly named by a pageant mom
having dinner at a Japanese restaurant with Alicia’s tiny dog Sparkle in tow. Pageant names for everyone! Also, dogs in restaurants…how appetizing.
I just pooped in your purse.
Alicia interviews that Loring is her “ex,” to whom she’s been married for “about 18 years,” and that they’ve been divorcing for “six and a half, seven years now.” First off, he’s not technically your ex. Secondly, unless there are some tax implications of which we are unaware or you’re waiting for Aunt Mavis to kick it for an inheritance or something, I’m going to have to strongly recommend y’all find new attorneys STAT.
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