They all agree that Property A is the one they want, and it’s the first time they’ve agreed on anything! Hallelujah!
Since it’s Christmas, Robyn and Meri go shopping to get presents for their sister wives. Meri and Robyn clearly enjoy shopping together, so of course Christine has to shit all over it. She blathers on about how she doesn’t enjoy shopping with Meri and Robyn because they NOTICE THINGS AND TALK ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO BUY! What a BITCH!
Christine: “They look for clothes IN THEIR SIZE that will MATCH THEIR OTHER CLOTHES! BOOORING!”
Meri: “Oh REALLY? Guess who’s getting my middle finger for Christmas.”
She tells us that she is not exaggerating; they REALLY say things like “this isn’t what I had in mind” or “look how pretty this is”! She thinks that she’s referencing Meri and Robyn’s shopping commentary, but what I’m hearing is that she is not exaggerating about what an enormous pain in the ass she is. I agree that you don’t have to share the same interests as your S-dubs, but FUCK! Maybe you could lay off mocking normal behavior.
It’s December, so in addition to celebrating Christmas, the family is going to celebrate Hanukkah! Wait, WHAT? Christine wants to celebrate it because it’s about lights, hope and religious freedom. She conveniently leaves out the part where its about Jews and the restoration of the Holy Temple.
“I like Hanukkah because it’s about peace, love, light, unicorns, fairies and honoring the third wife.” AND THE JEWS, CHRISTINE.
Also, will Truly EVER get HAIR?
Christine’s love of open flame and light is not the ONLY reason they’re celebrating Hanukkah this year. They’re substituting it for Joseph Smith’s bday, which they have celebrated in the past because Christine’s family used to do so. The rest of the fam wants to be very clear that this is not a Mormon thing, it is a Christine thing. Kody doesn’t want to appear to be worshipping Joseph Smith. Well that makes sense! Let’s show how Mormon we are by celebrating Hanukkah! holiday?
“People already seem to dislike me for lots of other reasons, I don’t want to give them another one. Why Hanukkah? HAVE YOU MET CHRISTINE??? I had to give her SOMETHING!”
Prepping for Hanukkah is a lot of work for Christine, but luckily Kody is helping!
Listening to Christine explain Hanukkah to her kids is KILLING. ME.
“Hanukkah is about God, and lights and the light inside you and being nice!”
“Mom, I’m confused because in school we learned that Hanukkah was a Jewish holiday and has something to do with a temple and Macabees and we’re not Jewish and I thought-”
“Hanukkah is also about shutting the eff up when I’m talking.”
Next is an awkward segway into Christine’s relationship with Kody and how it is in the toilet. Christine shares that they’re not really working on it at the moment. You mean YOU are not working on it at the moment.. Kody tells us that she is really different than she used to be, YEAH SHE IS! She is not the newest wife anymore, so everyone must suffer. Kody and Meri separately and politely explain that Christine refuses to shoulder any blame or change. Translations: Bitch won’t admit shit.
After fake Hanukkah, the family goes Christmas caroling! I had no warning and had to deal with sad off key singing. TLC, I made you promise me something last year!. Specifically, I asked not to have any more off key singing by white people on my TV, especially not from the Non-Trapp family singers. The Non is for Non Talented. Hey-OH!
This poor woman probably thought Publishers Clearinghouse was finally at her door and instead she was met with the Children of the Corn Choir. Merry Christmas indeed.