DRAMATIC MUSIC AGAIN! Meri gently explains that it is a pain in her ass to take care of all of this herself. You know, Robyn doesn’t have a ton of teens, how on earth is SHE packing her car? GUESS. Of course it’s Downtown Kody Non-Trapp Griswold to the rescue! He brings some of the teens over. WELL SHIT.
“I was really overwhemed with packing and dealing with the kids until Kody brought the teens over and they did everything! It was sooooo nice!”
“Are you KIDDING me?”
Meri is like “WTF” at first but since she’s had years of practice burying her discontent, she launches into a monologue about how she can do it herself, she does everything herself, independence, she doesn’t expect the help, blah blah blah blah. Keep telling yourself that. She says that she is not mad, she just noticed a difference….from when they all lived together and everyone got help, which is code for the fact that she noticed how Kody helped Robyn but not her. Does anyone feel like Meri was trying to convince herself that she’s fine with it? Meri, here’s a hint: you keep saying you’re independent and Robyn is playing helpless all the time. Moral of the story? The helpless wheel gets the teens!
Time to pick the rooms! Wait, WHAT? You didn’t take care of that once you booked the house? BAD IDEA BRAH! Kody is like, “the kids ask are you going to assign rooms, I don’t do that!” You don’t assign rooms, you don’t help set up for Hanukkah, what DO you do? Since no one will take charge, a chorus of clusterfuckery ensues: “do you want-wait, who, did you want, oh sorry, how about, I mean, well I want to be…” OMG take a stand. Here – put Janelle in the room away from everyone, make Robyn and Meri bunk next to each other, and put Christine in the yard. Done and Done!
Christmas in Vegas means great weather and tennis thanks to the sweet rental they booked. Janelle says that this family worked well for so long because they all lived in one house, and that to stay close, they need to live together. This is the opposite of how my family “stays close” and by “stays close”, I mean “avoids killing each other”
Mariah has been bitten by the Spielberg bug and she wants to direct the nativity play! Oh, Mariah…you want to get a bajillion kids to pay attention to you long enough to rehearse, which is WORK to them, when they are on vacay? Yeah, good luck. Mariah, I strongly suggest you explore the one-woman show. What if Joseph, Mary and Jesus are really THE SAME PERSON? MIND. BLOWN. Why not? You’re celebrating Hanukkah now, so things like “sticking to your faith” and “consistency” are already halfway dead; why not reinterpret the nativity and put the final nail in the “consistent doctrine” coffin!
“We’re Mormon, which means we believe that God is a Jewish light and pretty much whatever else I say it means. Also, remind me to tell you about how the 8 mag lights saved David from Godzilla, because it’s a really good story!”
The family brings their sad and abused tree into the house and there are almost no branches left, HAHAHAHA. Meri, always the positive one, says that this will be a memory for the kids. “Remember when we got that stupid tree?” Maybe they’ll also remember Kody’s creepy joke about “mounting” and the subsequent sound of millions of women’s legs slamming shut. Feeling nostalgic, the Browns talk about the oldest five kids who will be in college soon. Let’s call them Brown Cohort A. I think that’s just easier from now on.
So Mariah DID get her siblings to get it together to put on the nativity! It had all the charm of a hastily put together teen production, and the parents clearly loved it. Logan claims it was awkward, and Mariah snaps into director mode.
‘“Awkward? I’m sorry Mr. Spielberg, would you care to explain that comment? Oh WAIT, you’re not Steven Spielberg! Zip it, fool!”