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Kody remarks that the easiest and best role was Jesus, and Solomon nailed it. Are you telling me a BABY acted like a baby?? WHAT A TALENTED KID. Let’s award him a Tony.
Christmas morning! Too bad they can’t afford the rental house:
The family goes to the living room to open presents and they begin with the kids gift exchange. One of the little kids made Mariah a model of their street using a shoebox and filled it with gravel because if you tilt it back and forth, it sounds like the cars driving by. I’m no fortune teller, but I see lots of weed and an unfinished fine arts degree program in this kids’ future.
Nothing like getting noisy trash for Christmas.
Mykelti got Ysabel a manicure set and Ysabel wigs out in excitement. Seriously, is anyone monitoring the Sudafed, sugar, or caffeine intake of this child? She was moving so much that I could not get a screenshot without a ridiculous amount of motion blur.
As for the wives, Kody did well with his presents. He got Janelle an electronic tablet, a ruby and diamond necklace for Meri, a ring for Christine and a guitar for Robyn! Sad poor Robyn wanted a guitar for a decade but she could not afford one. I feel like everytime something good happens to Robyn, we are reminded of her terrible pre-Brown life and it’s a downer.
Christine wanted a ring, and she got her ring. The way she started describing it, I thought she was going to say it was the wrong ring and I started to get heartburn from the stress of having to listen to her bitch about it forever, but it was the right ring. Thank Jeebus. It’s a Christmas miracle!
What did Kody get from his Wives? He got the Holy Grail of guns! How exciting…I guess. Al the kids seem to know what kind of gun it is, and Hunter is all stoked that it’s a “REAL” firearm with holographic sight. Keep that gun AWAY from Hunter. And Christine.
We only get to see Robyn’s gift to the ladies because she apparently outdid them all. She gives them the a piece of jewelry she designed. Even more exciting, it’s first piece of jewelry from their upcoming line, My Sister Wife’s closet! Meri is super excited for her BFF, and Janelle and Christine are stoked too.
The My Sister Wife necklace: Tell them you’d marry them all over again.
Kody asks Christine if the ring got him out of the doghouse, and Christine says they need to work on things. Christine doesn’t feel like Kody wants to spend time with her, and that their time together is not quality time. They both agree to work on it, and Kody kisses her / puts her in a headlock and leaves. There is as much chemistry between them as baking soda and more baking soda. Also, that kissing style? CREEPY:
I really don’t have the words for this
To top off Christmas, the parents take the kids to Property A to see the house they’re building on the cul de sac…wait, what? When did that happen? Whatevs. The kids are excited to find out that they will all be on the same property again. Kody reflects on how tough things have been since last Christmas, when they had to leave Utah in a hurry and how Vegas has been a suckfest in a lot of ways. For an activity, the moms got snowflake kites for the kids to fly on the property and “dream” according to Robin. Yeah, I think they mostly just ran around and shit. I didn’t see a whole lot of dreaming.
What did you think? Are you going to be able to stomach Christine? Do you hear sad violins playing every time Robyn talks? Will you buy the Sister Wives necklace and wear it proudly? Thank you for reading! I saw a lot of familiar names in the comments for the mini-cap, and I am stoked you’re all back for another round! Comment away 
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30 Comments
i’m so glad these recaps are back in action! love that you threw out the kody loving sammy hagar reference right away. i know he courts all his new wives by singing “why can’t this be love?” complete with sweet air guitar solo.
Great recap! Meri and Robyn are my favorite wives, and really believe the moving incident was more editing than ignoring Meri. I hope.
So agree that Kody’s kiss is more like an assault. Somehow being kissed in a vice grip is neither sweet nor romantic. Or even friendly. Ish.
Everybody out there in Vegas: TURN UP YOUR AMP FOR JESUS!!!!!!!
Great recap! “tell yur sister wife you’d marry her all over again” !! Bwaaahahahah
I thought Prop A was too expensive? But suddenly they’re building on it? Maybe TLC is kicking in some $$ to get all the crazy Browns together again. They’re bound to fight more if they live closer.
Oh, how I missed these recaps…and this show! Sad, but true. I am looking forward to another season of ridicule and drama!
Also, I spent the entire episode wanting to do the following things:
a) slap Kody across the back of the head
b) slap Christine across the back of the head
c) slap…wait, I see a pattern emerging here.
The only person I never felt like slapping for any reason was Meri. I like her. She’s mostly-normal-ish, at least on my chart of normalcy! My mom has a sign in her house which says something along the lines of “Around here, normal is just a setting on the dryer”…and I think that line could apply to this group!
Finally, I was actually very creeped out with Kody’s kissing strangle-hold…that seems like a sign of bad relationship behaviour.
The only thing better than Sister Wives returning is a LadyBaldy recap!
Despite my vehemently fighting against it last season, Robyn has really grown on me. I still like Meri and Janelle but Christine? For reals? Just deal. It’s been over a year since Robyn joined/married you. As Sammy Hagar would say, “Your love starts fallin’ down/Better change your tune/Yeah, you reach for the golden ring/
Reach for the sky”.
I totally want to get a My Sister Wives necklace to wear proudly at Divali or whatever other non-Mormom holiday they celebrate next!
This recap is good stuff, LadyBaldy. My thanks for the chuckles.
WTF is up with the Hannukah thing? There was no logic to that at all. We didn’t even get a Brown-flavored PSA about how, being persecuted and run out of western New York state, and then Ohio, and then half a dozen of the other good, fertile states, Mormons now give a tip of the hat to everyone’s holiday… nuthin.
And nice job missing male offspring #1 punching out male offspring #2, camera guy. It might have been the most exciting thing that’s ever happened on this show. Pay the fuck attention, next time!
I’m probably in the minority here, but I kinda like Christine. Yes, she’s being a bit ridiculous, but I think she is taking it hard that Robin is clearly DKB’s favorite and is acting out. Is she being a brat? Yes. But I think I would be too if I had to deal with Robin.
Can we talk about Robin for a bit? What’s that chick’s problem? She says things without thinking about other people’s feelings (“I couldn’t get any help from any of my 3 kids, so DKB brought over reinforcements! Oh, but good job doing it all yourself Meri.”). She knows she’s the favored one and get get away with anything. Meri will just pent up her rage and put on a happy face, Janelle just ignores it and Christine takes it the hardest. I’m willing to bet that Meri was pretty bitter when Janelle came on board, Janelle was bitter (or not) when Christine came on board and we all know that Christine is the biggest Bitter Betty of them all. I honestly think Robin knows EXACTLY what she is doing.
Also, is Meri really that much in love with BB#17 that she is the one holding it and carrying it all the time, or is Robin just too busy playing the “sad sack” role to bother taking care of her child? It could be because of Meri’s intense desire for another baby. (And another thought – I think that Robin offered to be surrogate to keep all the attention and love on herself. Discuss.)
Great captions on the pics, LB! And I’m glad you mentioned the “new” kids – I made the same comment when I was watching. I think some of the neighbor kids tagged along and no one really noticed.
Also, you go to a national park, a forest full of trees if you will, and DKB hones in on the most pathetic Charlie Brown Christmas tree ever. Maybe his hair was in his eyes and the tree looked fuller because the hair was in the way.
Oh notwithoutmytv, you make me laugh! Perhaps the camera guy was too busy turned up his amp to catch the brawl.
LB, I noticed that about the Property C as well. But from that view, it looks like it is out by Las Vegas Motor Speedway. I have that view picture I took from the parking lot at the race in 2010…I am sure that would most def put Chirstine over the edge come Race weekend!
Ok, back to reading
@ Chicken Lips: Yeah, he turned that thing up to “11″.
@thisbuggs4u: Cheerios put Christine over the edge when 3 or 4 of them escape while she’s pouring them out for one of the kids. That woman’s just got a core of super-dense angry.
@Lady Baldy You made my day! I’m going to be LOLing at Children of the Corn Choir the whole rest of it!
You should get double bonus props for the Goofus and Gallant reference. And not just for reminding us of our childhood yrs waiting to get stuck with needles. Now we also have names for the 700 kids!
My favorite part of the fight was Goofus explaining how he was just gently kicking Gallant.
It’s good to see the older kids
counting the days till they can get the fuck out of thereadjusting better to their new Las Vegassound stagehome.I’ve got a different theory about Christine though. She was thinking of it as a love marriage. But Bozo’s not that into her. That’d be a problem even without sister wives.
Now it’s time for my mantra I have to type every time I see this show.
Polygamy and modern ways love marriage don’t mix.
Plus any time you have 4 women living day to day as single moms, sooner or later 1 of them’s going to notice Creamsicle’s been getting a free ride. Specially now they’re having more contact with the outside world. And seeing monogamy husbands unloading cars and stuff.
Ok, I have said this since season 1, Christine has always been a bitch! She even stated that she had always wanted to be a third wife…So do we know how old all the ladies are? Because it is my understanding that Meri has infertility issues, and Logan is the oldest, but Janelle and Bitter Betty had kids before Meri. It is also obvs that Robin is the youngest, and that just gets to Christine…she was the youngest. I also think part of Chirstine’s problem is, she had just had Truley when Robin came along. She was used to getting all the attention of being pregs and having everyone fussing over her and Truely, that all of a sudden her come Robyn, taking all of Downtowns time….
I was also thinking the same thing about the houses…Either Janelle and Christine have sold a house or two, or TLC put some money down! But I can see why they would want to got with Property A. It is in the school district that the kids are already in. I don’t think that I would want to pull my kids out of another school, and make them start all over again!
Great Recap LB!! Looking forward to this season!!
What about Festivus? How could they ignore that! And don’t get me started on Kwanzaa.
Festivus for the restivus!
LadyBaldy..this was perfect!
Rodel won’t let me watch (“We’re not watching this shit!”)
So I will be reading!
Not a Robyn fan.
Not a Christine fan
Meri…meh!
Kadouche…I just roll my eyes.
Janelle. Now I do like her. I just don’t get why she’s with that stain.
The others have been together for a long time. All three couples settled into every day life. The wives got comfortable and gained some weight, no one was a threat. Enter Robyn. Young, thin and totally Gaga over Kody. He is a typical guy, a hot young thing wants him and he is ALLOWED to date her. He has been with the others forever they are no longer getting things done and all dolled up for his arrival. Christine should continue to exercise for the happy endorphins, stop acting like a bitch, start being fun to be around again and dress up and make Kody feel special. During which she says nothing, Kody we eventually see the positive changes. Trust me in 5 years when Kody is eyeing wife number 5 Robyn will lose her shit and act just like Christine.
I wondered about Truly and her hair too! That baby has to be well over a year now (since she was in the womb the first season and now little Solomon is a few months old). Could it be a medical thing?
That’s pretty much all I got out of this episode.
Huh…I just knew for sure someone here on the Gasm would talk about what bothered me the most during this episode. KODY IS A WORTHLESS PIECE OF COW DUNG! He has to be THE most pathetic excuse for a father AND husband I’ve ever seen & I don’t understand why FOUR women would want him.
1. That B.S excuse he gave for not stepping in when his kids were using each other as punching bags was beyond ridiculous and had me fuming for the rest of the show! Tying that fucked up tree was more important than his son’s possible BROKEN NOSE? Seriously?!? That asshat didn’t even blink when that shit was going down. Janelle was clearly looking around a little hopeless and wishing for help & I can’t stomach their excuses for that douche being a douche! Meri has stepped in in the past when the sibs fought, but she too ignored the clearly overwhelmed Janelle. I know they’re not close anymore, but give me a freaking break! But to be fair, she was busy being a fucking step stool for Kody. Am I the only one that was disgusted when he once again, stood on his wife for a boost?
2. He CLEARLY never lifts a finger when the cameras aren’t around & it’s starting to show. I don’t see him helping his wives out or even playing with his kids. They act like he’s a complete stranger! I remember thinking during his ‘talk’ with Hunter about his tude last season that I was watching 2 people with absolutely no bond between them trying to fake it for the camera. I thought Janelle of all people would make his ass step up and actually parent his children, but she’s making excuses for his dumb ass too.
3 Although Christine can be a royal beeyotch sometimes, I can clearly see what she’s dealing with. He barely touches her & can’t hold a conversation with her to save his life. If my husband left me for 2 months right after I had his child & it wasn’t for work or war, I’d have a serious problem with that shit too. If the shoe was on the other foot, he’d be telling Christine to wait until precious Solomon was older. And why the FUCK did he need a 2 month honeymoon? That was complete and utter bullshit & once again, I can’t BELIEVE these women stand for this shit. That ‘talk’ they had was cringe worthy! He’s sitting in front of her with a dumb ass grin on his face like he’s a fucking 3 year old while his wife, whom he supposedly loves, is trying to communicate with him. You could see she was in pain & he acted like a tool, threw out some b.s, & shot out of the room. I’m sure that’s how all of their conversations go.
Meri loves Robin because she is soooo over Kody that it isn’t funny! She could care less who that idiot is banging, but you can clearly see her hurt over being looked over again & how Kody stepped in to help precious Robin. Janelle doesn’t care one way or the other because she checked out a long time ago and she busts her ass to take care of her kids like the single mom that she is. Christine has been replaced and the sooner she gets over that shit the better. She needs to find her a side piece or just leave the asshole because he will not change as long as they’re not making him change. I’m sure Kody wouldn’t even blink an eye if she left.
This shit is sad & pathetic & no matter how much they put up a front for the camera, every single person in that family is miserable except for Robyn, Kody, & now King Soloman.
Kody is such a tool. I don’t understand the attraction for any of the wives. Meri (Alpha wife) is awesome! I could totally go drinking with her!
The rest, meh not so much, but good for Christine, I think she is starting to see what a useless piece of crap Kody is. What an arrogant douche bag, wake up Sister Wives! You can do better.
“Someone go to Vegas and check it out, please. I would, but I don’t know how to not get drunk in Vegas so I probably won’t make it.”
I’m only on page one but I had to tell you I love you so much for this line. Back to reading.
Closet, you and I usually agree (well, there was that little sexting problem, but we got beyond that, nudge nudge wink wink) but at last I have to disagree. You were encouraging Christine to suck it up and do all kinds of stuff to win back Kodouche (sheesh and I are together on that one. Just a letter diff). Somebody mentioned a while back that she really is over him, and I can see why. Cannot understand Robyn’s infatuation. Unless it’s Stolkholm Syndrome.
kczary, I’d love to, but I have the same problem. Maybe we could meet there and not check it out together.
You have to hand it to these polygs for at least valuing education enough to encourage their kids to go to college, and not bible college, either. And, hey, with that many sibs, Helllloooooo financial aid package!
After a lifetime of being treated as notches on Brodad’s bedpost…wait, bedposts….they are probably thrilled to be seen as individuals rather than tentacles on the Brown Family Octopus.
I think Kody would have broken up that fight, but he didn’t actually recognize all his spawn from a distance. Probably looked over and saw 2 blond dudes stirring up shit in the parking lot and figured he’d better stay clear. I don’t think he noticed they were two of his until Janelle started pulling them apart…
Christine reminds me of the youngest child in a family who got lots of attention & laughs for being mouthy…she has never grown up entirely. Hey, would you guys feel sorry for me if I shared that my sister in law makes Christine look like a saint? My husband’s parents are difficult as well. Sometimes I think I’m going to stand up, scream “fuck all of you” and throw a vase.
Anyway, between Christine’s snottiness and Janelle’s blandness, poor Meri had to be going insane. Robyn (Robin?) is a sweetie – Meri must think she’s dreaming after all the years past.
And LADYBALDY! Your captions are hilarious! I’m only partway through the recap and am loving it!
snowshoecat: “Cannot understand Robyn’s infatuation. Unless it’s Stolkholm Syndrome.”
^You know how married men are supposedly more attractive to women than single men are? Maybe it’s that at play – Robyn’s like WOW, Kody has 3 wives…he must be the shizznit”
Snowshoecat, you always make my day
I still want to know if Christine was told she would be the last wife. She says that she wanted to be a third wife. I always thought that meant last. If not then WTF? What is so great about being number 3?
Closet, ya know. Waaaaaaaaay back in a tiny cobwebby corner of my brain I seem to remember some sort of flak about Christine feeling secure knowing that she was the last– final– wife. Then — surprise!– Robyn. Not gonna research it. Just a feeling I have.
mormons enjoying jewish holiday…poor joseph smith is rolling around in mormon heaven feeling sad that a mormon missed his birthday…theses browns love to kiss up to the viewers..oh feel sorry for us this is our faith and god demands we women lower our pride and all bow to king kody!!!
next christmas the browns will doing wicca instead of joseph smith..they’ll be black candles..white candles..lots of witch stuff..a black cat..!!!
Just saw the episode for the first time and I got the feeling Robyn loves the attention of being pregnant, but caring for a baby? Not so much. Should she become a surrogate, she would have everything she wants and she can shove the baby in Meri’s hands/house and be done with it. She puts Solomon in Meri’s care already.
She really likes to be the centre of attention doesn’t she? They all want to start a company, so she decides to contact a jewellery maker to make her design, without involving the others in the decision making process of who they all will ne doing business with?
I get that the presents needed to be a surprise, but something like that requires at least some deliberation, no?