Obviously the whole family is super offended and Kody launches into a defensive rant about what a great husband he is, during which I shut down because it’s Kody talking, and we get to see Natalie’s drawn on eyebrows in HD and JEEBUS! Fire your makeup people.
Natalie’s brows – JEEBUS:
Natalie, you need to fire your gays. If they cared about you, they would never let you go on camera with hastily drawn on evil eyebrows.
The eyebrows have brought me back to reality in time to catch Kody’s closing statement. He wants to make it clear that he was called to polygamy because of his faith, and he chose his wives based on their character. THEY DO NOT HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE, YO!
“I may be a manchild, a brodad, a Hagar fan and insensitive, but I’m not a PLAYER. I have four wives for Jesus, not my Peter, if you know what I mean. I meant penis if it wasn’t clear.”
Flashback to the start of the family! We get more sweet gymnasium reception footage as Natalie brings up Meri and babies. Apparently Meri’s lack of kids has been a real pain point for her. Let’s file that under O for OLD NEWS. Natalie just wanted to throw that out there for those of you who somehow went to the bathroom each time it came up over the last three seasons. If you are one of those people, you need to see a Doctor because you clearly have a UTI; Meri’s baby issues seems to come up every five minutes, which means you basically live on the toilet:
“My empty pool is a cold reminder of the kids I don’t have”
“Can we please go a whole month without someone else getting knocked up yet again?”
I’m not trying to minimize Meri’s pain, because I cannot even imagine how hard the child issue has been for her. I am, however, highly aware of the issue already. Move along, Natalie.
Natalie says that in the book, Meri wrote that she felt like her two S-dubs used their kids to validate their marriage to Kody in a way that she could not. She felt like less of a wife somewhat. Even though it was a struggle, Meri never considered leaving. She did feel like she was insignificant to Janelle and Christine, and that they didn’t see why she was a part of family if she could not have more kids. Meri is quick to clarify that the Janelle and Christine did not “make” her feel that way on purpose, but some of their words and actions set fire to her insecurity.
I have to interject yet another beef I have with Natalie Morales: she uses the phrase “did this person make you feel / react / etc?” No one can MAKE you feel anything. They may do shit that is uncalled for, rude, mean, etc., but the way you react and the intensity of your reaction, that is shit is all you. This is what I mean when I say that I felt like Natalie was being an instigator; there is a very large difference between “did Meri’s ACTIONS make you feel bad” and “did Meri make you feel bad?” One recognizes that it was an event that elicited a response, the other lays the blame on a person. Semantics!
Natalie then brings up Robyn’s offer to be Meri’s surrogate and I can’t even talk about it because OMG who cares anymore. We’ve beat this topic into the ground. During the montage, they show the actual offer and it’s all newborn baby and tears, and we’d all be touched if not for the billion times Robyn has brought it up at weird, inappropriate moments.
Meri says there are a lot of pros and cons to accepting Robyn’s offer. She has reservations because of her age and where she is at in her life. Plus, the baby won’t even get to be around Mariah because Mariah will be moving out soon. The other adults are all “you don’t know that!” because Logan chose to stay in Vegas, but Mom knows her daughter, and Mariah has her heart set on Utah.