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Ladies and Gentlemen and Variations Thereupon –
So, mildly amusing story; I kind of forgot that I was recapping this show. Because I pretty much forgot that this show exists. Because this show’s existence is a cancerous lesion on the skin of humanity. (Also I have been suffering from major computer/internet issues and have barely been able to crank out the Tonight’s Top 10 Showssuccessfully.) But now I have remembered (and my computer has quit shutting down randomly) and will get all caught up on the two episodes that I skipped. Meanwhile, for your delectation and delight, I present to you:
“Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?”
Previously on Snooki & JWoww: All on their own, our girls found an apartment and happened upon this beautiful old firehouse that is completely within the financial means of two basically unemployed girls in their 20′s. Snooki went to her first ultrasound appointment, and discovered that despite all odds, the embryo appears perfectly normal and healthy.
We join Snooki, Jionni and JMomm finishing up at the ultrasound, and Snooki (or JMomm) squeals, “Oh, how cute!” Um, I’ve had four children, and the being who has taken up residence in your uterus is not, at that first ultrasound, “cute.” It doesn’t even look remotely humanoid. But I guess cute is better than being grossed out, which according to my twitter feed’s gossip tweets seems to be how Snooki feels about much of the whole pregnancy process. Yes, I subscribe to Jersey Shore news feeds. I do it for you guys. Stop judging me!
Snooki and JMomm joint-interview that the ultrasound was “weird” (Snooki) and “a celebration because the baby is fine” (JMomm.) It’s good that Jenni is still living up to her nickname. The girls leave the hospital and go to a diner, because you know how pregnant women need to eat every 43 seconds. Snooki tells JMomm that everything is “so real right now,” and JMomm snarks that she’s sitting at a diner in Jersey City with her “knocked up best friend.” She’s not jealous one. Little. Bit.
Snooki floats the completely original and not at all producer-led idea of having their Jersey Shore roommates over to share her big news. JMomm points out that their place won’t be ready until Saturday. “Well, we have time all day tomorrow and then Thursday,” Snooki replies, and I have to wonder if she just doesn’t know what order the days of the week go in or if they have plans on Friday that we haven’t been told about yet. JMomm complains that there’s no place to put decorations, and says that they need to go to the thrift store. These two in a thrift store has to be somewhat akin to when Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie went to WalMart back in the day.
Snooki reminds JMomm that they just bought “like a million things of fabric” and that they can use those for decorations. “How can you make a vase out of fabric?” JMomm asks.
Snooki asks what a vase is, and JMomm tries pronouncing it “vahz” but it still rings no bells. She laughs in disbelief as Snooki asks, “What?” In all fairness, Snooki probably calls vases “those things that you put flowers in,” because it requires far more words and that girl looooves to hear herself talk.
At Ye Olde Homestead: JMomm is calling someone named Anthony, who is a handyman. JMomm needs someone to help her with curtains. Curtains aren’t difficult, just go down to The Home Depot or Lowes or something and buy a power driver, a level, and a sturdy step ladder. But then I suppose she runs the chance of chipping a nail, and we certainly can’t have that! She interviews that she is excited to have the roommates over to the house, but she wants the house to be finished first.
After hanging up with Anthony (who apparently sounds like a “sexy black man”) JMomm tells Snooki that she really has to get up now.
“Thanks, boo, for inviting everyone over for tomorrow night,” JMomm calls out as she leaves the house. “Thanks for getting up and helping!” I don’t remember her being this passive-aggressive on Jersey Shore.
“I’m basically taking control right now,” JMomm interviews. “I want a nice house, and I want the roommates to know that, like, we decorated it.” Given that the item she immediately asks for at the hardware store is “leopard tape,” I’m feeling pretty confident that the roommates will know who made the decor choices. She loads up on 10 rolls each of leopard and zebra print Duck Tape® and moves on to the next store.