Sons of Anarchy Recap: Boxes, Bullets, Bites and Blackmail

Venus promises discretion but wants her $2000 fee up front.  Tig calls her beautiful and offers to help her change, but Venus ain’t havin’ it. 

You really think a fine lady like that would get with you, Tig?

At the garage, Gemma drives up and sees Clay and some deputies from the sheriff’s department.  Apparently, the sheriff has some black guys in custody whom the deputies caught with a van full of stolen goods.  They want Gemma and Clay to come to the station to see if any of the stolen goods are theirs.  CFP interrupts, asking Gemma to deliver a box that was dropped off for Jax.  She tells him to put in the car and she’ll take it to Jax & Tara’s house. 

That box could hold A LOT of fudge.

Back at Biancone’s, Venus is sitting on Alan’s supine body.  They’ve taped his eyes open and Juice looks like a National Geographic photographer.  All the guys are shouting suggestions for Venus’s next move in the photo shoot.  It’s pretty amusing.  Tig’s over in the corner, coming in his pants.

Maybe staying in prison would not have been so bad after all.

Unfortunately for SAMCRO, a buzzkill crashes their little party in the form of Devin Price, Allen’s stepson, who came to the office to visit.

I’m also a shapeshifter — ask my brother Sam.  I can transform into a dildo if that helps you guys.

Devin is eager to help the guys out, both because he hates Allen and idolizes the Sons … oh, and also, he wants to post pictures online and get paid for his silence.  Venus, who is both beautiful and brilliant, steps in and offers Devin a BJ if he’ll just keep his mouth and his phone camera shut.  Jax pays her an additional $2000 for her trouble, and tells Devin they’ll post his BJ-from-a-dude pictures on his facebook page if he breaks his word.  If you only watch one scene of this ep, that’s the one to watch.

At the sheriff’s department, Sheriff Roosevelt is sharing lunch in his office with his wife before being interrupted because the Morrows have arrived to review the pictures of the stolen goods.  Since he has to get back to work, Rita and Roosevelt share a sweet good-bye (he even kisses her belly … the fertility issues of the past season must have been resolved!) but the camera angles are very unflattering to poor Rita.

Looking manlier than Venus.

As the Sheriff walks out to chat with Gemma and Clay, one of the suspects from the robberies in the holding room says he needs to piss, so Roosevelt sends in a deputy to escort him to the bathroom.  Gemma and Clay don’t recognize any property in the pictures, but get to hear some sensitive information when a deputy yells out across the room, in front of Gemma, Clay, and other random people, that two of the guys in the holding tank are Damon’s crew (based on their home addresses).  I guess there’s no HIPAA-like laws for suspected criminals.