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A 65-year-old, an actress, some gal who was on a Jumbotron, an athlete and a potato. Welcome to your Dream Team.
Howdy, Gasmii! Thanks for all your comments on the Minicap! I agree, TheMiki, this is a sign of the apocalypse. Didn’t Nostradamus mention it somewhere?
Let’s get right to our ep!
We open with the introduction of our 10 celebrities: the 5 who are diving tonight, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Louie Anderson, Rory Bushfield, Keshia Knight Pulliam and Katherine Webb, and the 5 who will dive next week, Drake Bell, Nicole Eggert, Ndamukong Suh, Kendra Wilkinson and Chuy Bravo, and see a montage of their training. Spoiler alert – water hurts. Especially when you smack down on it with your entire body at full speed.
We then get to see some cool pro divers and synchro. Which begs the question, why didn’t ABC just do a series featuring those folks? Let’s face it, after Circus of the Stars, it’s all been downhill for celebrity competitions, hasn’t it?
Trebek!
We then get to meet the contestants in person, wearing robes that look like they came from the JC Penney clearance rack, interspersed with more diving and synchro from the pros. I assume that’s to intimidate the celebrities. Nothing like seeing a level of excellence you can’t even imagine, much less aspire to, to build one’s confidence.
And here are our hosts, Joey Lawrence, who for some reason seems to have decided to dye his hair orange (perhaps a misguided homage to Carrot Top or, as J-Mo said in the Minicap, Curious George?), along with ESPN reporter Charissa Thompson.
We’re told we will see 5 celebrities dive tonight. The two with the lowest scores will have a dive-off. There are 2 judges, David Boudia (2012 Olympian) and Steve Foley (also an Olympian, and director of the US diving center), and the audience will also have a chance to vote on each diver. Audience voting = always a mistake. Just look at Idol.
First, Greg shows us how it’s done.
In your face, so-called “celebrities”!
Then we’re off to a montage of “diving boot camp”. Greg explains divers must be strong, flexible, agile and overcome their fear of heights, as well as be in complete command of their own bodies. So that rules out pretty much every celebrity on this show, then. We learn that at least one of the celebrities has a fear of water (WTF?) and they are a “broad spectrum”, 4’2″ to 7’2″, 117 lbs to 417 (guess who!) So some of them are just plain “broad” then.
Back in the studio, we start with Keshia on the 10 foot board. Keshia interviews she tries to live life “in a very fearless manner”. Indeed. Or are you just doing this stunt to promote your show? Hmmm?
15 Comments
use the ladder louie, makes life way easier
OMG, I had no idea that was Joey Lawrence! When I first flipped to it, I thought it was Ryan Seacrest, but then I realized he would probably never do that show. I have to hand it to Louie, he seems pretty brave to do this. I have liked him for years. Maybe I’ll tune in next week! Thanks for the recap!
I don’t know which was worse, this show or Joey Lawrence’s hair or whatever that was on his head???
My curiosity wasn’t sufficient to inspire me to watch this show, and having read your delightful recap, Penny, I’m sure this was MUCH more enjoyable than the show. Saved me about 54 minutes, too. Thanks!
I love your recap of this! You had me at “sashay away”. Seriously.
I think they’re stretching the “celebrity” thing here just a bit. And by “a bit” I mean “a whole lot”. I’ve only heard of two; Kareem Abdul-Jabar (I can’t believe he’s that old!) and Drake Bell (hello, heartthrob of the early 2000s!).
I remember when Kareem Abdul-Jabar was Lew Alcindor and playing high school basketball in New York. This was clearly back when dinosaurs roamed and the earth was still cooling. He was the talk of the local sports world. It was nice to see him getting out and challenging himself to try something different. Good for him.
Holy effing lord! I only lasted 20 minutes watching this craptacular show…but your recap was genius. So glad I don’t have to watch it, but can now look forward to how I like viewing reality television – in words!
ahs310…I was a fan of Lew Alcondor when he was a Milwaukee Buck. As much as I love and respect him, I still won’t watch this craptastic show.
And with Splash actually being a show, reality TV has finally jumped the shark.
I mean, seriously, what’s next?
- Floss!: Your favorite celebrities try to get stuff out of their teeth!
- Browse!: See what browser your favorite D-List stars use, and what sites they visit the most!
- Rectal Exam!
I swear I did my homework and watched this show and can’t remember anything but the beaching of Louis Anderson (of course, that’s the only reason I watched). Always handy to have a few retired athletes around to play pass the comedian. Who needs a medicine ball for a good workout? So thanks for the great recap to tell me what I watched.
I know I’m old because I have absolutely no idea who the hell Joey Lawrence is, but I do know who Lew Alcindor is. Who is Joey Lawrence? (I do know Curious George.)
@Aunt Dorsey, JL was very popular in the early to mid-90′s as the teenage heartthrob that stole all the girls and gay boys’ hearts. He was Blossom’s older brother, who coined the phrase, “WOAH!” and since, he’s done a lot of episodic work and Lifetime/Hallmark made-for-TV movies with other former female child stars. He and his brother were the cute little boys on sitcoms like “Gimme A Break” and others that I can’t remember.
That would explain my complete and utter ignorance. Thank you very much. Off for a bracing cup of Lapsang Souchong.
@Aunt Dorsey and @DerekHazelton “Brotherly Love ” used to be my favorite that all the Lawrence brothers in it! Only 2 seasons but each had alot of eps in it. 1995-1997.
I would TOTALLY watch a squirrel on water!!!
Squirrels are pretty kick ass water-skiers.