Survivor Recap: Crazy, Lazy Days of Survivor

Survivor

By PottyMouth | Tuesday, February 26, 2013 | 10:57 am | 46 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Survivor

He seems to have forgotten one very important thing: people don’t appreciate busting their asses while some fatass lays around all day, doing nothing.  Allie and Laura are already bitching about his lack of work ethic and Allie thinks he has gots to go as soon as they have to go to tribal.  It’s gotta happen.

But Sherri’s got other ideas.  You see, she wants to use Shamu as her goat, like Boston Rob used Phillip.  She plans on keeping him around, annoying other people, so that it’ll be easy for her to get the votes in the end.

She assures Shamu that he’s totally safe and that they need to focus on breaking up the cool kids club.  She tells us that she’s not letting go of Shamu; she needs him in her back pocket.

Back at Bikal, HantzyPants is now telling CockRing that he was thinking about sabotage after the vote, but he’s now come to what limited senses he has.  He doesn’t think destructive behavior would be good for his kids to see.  As opposed to the crazy he normally displays.

CockRing is a little scared of HantzyPants.  He’s noticed a bit of a pattern in Hantzy’s behavior: periods of rage followed by unbelievable pleasantness.

You know, like sociopathic killers have.  I’m scurred.

Obviously CockRing is not comfortable with this behavior, but he’s gotta feel even more uncomfortable as Crazy Ass Phillip decides to join the conversation.

Crazy Quotient just went up another 4 or 5 notches.

Instead of being a loon, Hantzy actually tells Phillip he’d like for them all to come together and sing kumbaya.  Well, except for any jezebels that might be lurking about.  Phillip’s okay with this and talks about how Boston Rob used to dictate who was going to be voted out.  He now realizes that he did that to minimize the flow of information.

I miss that Boston Rob SO much……

Alright, well…would Phillip trust Hanzty to be part of the group that gets to decide the vote?  Well, maybe, maybe not.  (It’s hard to be part of that process when your name might very well be the next one written down).  Phillip doesn’t have enough data yet to know whether or not he can trust Hantzy.  He’s gotta pause.  Phillip equates their tribe to a corporation; he’s the CEO and HantzyPants is just middle management.

And you only find out about the downsizing plans when you’re given your severance agreement to sign.

I wonder if they’d notice if I try to slip away…..I can’t handle all this crazy on my own….

Phillip tells us that he thinks Hantzy is very narcisstic, that’s the non-existent word he’d use.  And when you’re dealing with a narcisstic person, they have no empathy for others.  At least that’s what Boston Rob told him.

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PottyMouth

When she isn't screaming curses at various dance show judges or washing her OWN mouth out with soap, PottyMouth is a proud mama to a gorgeous little boy. And yes, she knows everyone says that about their kids, but it's true when she says it. YES IT IS. Fuck you. She also laments throwing away the chance to be a trophy wife, and would like to find a rich husband so she can sit on her ass all day long and watch TV. If you are fabulously wealthy, look like Hugh Jackman (or ARE in fact Hugh Jackman), and are turned on by foul-mouthed, mature, slightly smooshy women, then she just may be the gal for you. Please send picture, references and your latest bank statement for review.

46 Comments

  1. 1
    lindaw205
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Shamu really irritates me by talking over people instead of having a real conversation. I don’t care for ReynoldsWrap but if I was him I would have been tempted to shove a coconut in his face.

    Why did no one call out Sherri for essentially losing that challenge for them? She wasted a lot of time and I didn’t hear anyone call her say anything to her about it.

    Also, Allie. Why show up for Survivor weighing about 90 pounds soaking wet and with no muscle tone? She’s not really able to help out on challenges so I can see why they would vote her off.

  2. 2
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    I would have noticed the bulge in Reynolds pocket. I would have noticed Eddie’s bulge too. I still dislike both of them but not nearly as much as I dislike SHAMU.

    Uh, if that ALLY lady was such a big SURVIVOR fan shouldn’t she have known it was a bad idea to hook up with the other pretty peeps?

  3. 3
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    I don’t get a “fan” vibe from any of these people. The rare occasions when they speak about being fans, it sounds like they’re reading from cue cards. Just typical Survivor casting — a few models, a couple of wannabe actors. Well, a whole tribe of wannabe actors.

    But it’s the favorites who are going to tank this season. Can’t believe they’re wasting all this time on Philip and his stupid secret agent trope. Or Hantz for that matter. At least they could do us the kindness of showing some of the actual gameplayers on the favorites tribe. But no…

    And meanwhile, these challenges are just like the booths they used to have at my elementary school carnival. Ring toss? Seriously? For a million dollars?

  4. 4
    Shaggyone
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    Too slow on the recap. Will we wait 4+ days each week? This fuckin verification shit is a joke!

  5. 5
    ZipLock
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    At least this was up eventually. Biggest loser has once again dropped off the radar. Part of the problem is that the recappers act like they hate the shows. Find someone who likes them to recap then. Sheez. I mean, you shouldn’t fawn, but at least appreciate the cray cray instead of just flipping it off.

  6. 6
    PinkTop
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Of course a female from the cool kids lunch table takes the first hit. The male neanderthals are needed for competitions. Predictable and lame.

  7. 7
    lindaw205
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I’m okay with the timing on Pottymouth’s recaps. They’re always up before the next episode airs and are always entertaining.

  8. 8
    Detinha
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 11:09 pm

    You guys know that recappers here are not paid, right? I don’t think that they would watch the show to recap it if they didn’t like it!
    BTW, Pottymouth did apologize for the delay.

    I enjoy the recap and I thank you, PM!

  9. 9
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:54 am

    Schoonie routinely posted his recaps the day before the next episode aired. At least this gives everyone more than enough time to watch the show, so that we don’t have to be so cautious about talking about who got eliminated.

    Also, I imagine either Pottymouth kept falling asleep during this boring episode, or kept getting too drunk to type from trying to dull the endless of stupidity of the Phillip/Hantz show, that it took a while to get the recap done. She deserves combat pay!

  10. 10
    ZipLock
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:12 am

    Why would they not get paid? This is a site that makes money; if they don’t pay their writers, they should. Writing as a volunteer doesn’t pay the electric bill. And I say that as a person who has been a self-supporting freelance writer for many, many years. Writing for free brings the pay scale down for us all.

  11. 11
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 10:30 am

    And, @shaggyone, there’s a little thing called a “mini-cap” which is usually posted the next day, where the Survivor die-hards cover the episode in the comments. Click on the Survivor link and read it and the comments. PM’s recaps are awesome and I also have no problem.

  12. 12
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Start your own recap site where all the recaps are written by fans of the show who post them within 24 hours after first airing, and get rich. Problem solved. Where can I send my bill?

  13. 13
    sweetblondie
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 10:55 am

    @ZipLock: write a letter and stfu.

  14. 14
    ZipLock
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 11:41 am

    @sweetblondie: do you work for free? Do you think that if a worker is making money for a company they should be paid to do so? I do. If competitors in your industry start to work for free or for extremely low wages, your wages will also go down, your job may even be eliminated. These writers are too talented and put in too much time on this to NOT be paid. And, as I said, I also believe this is speculation. I don’t believe they don’t get paid, it makes no sense.

  15. 15
    captain-save-uh-hoe
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 11:50 am

    @ziplock: The recappers are not paid. Move on.

    Thanks PM for another great recap and the time you put into it! xo

  16. 16
    Moli Moli
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    @Ziplock, you have never given your time for free? Never volunteered at a food bank? Never volunteered at your local Elementary school? or anywhere? Most(if not all) recappers here were readers who wanted to recap their favorite shows, while I know Flipit may ask for a show they normally don’t watch…it’s not that often.
    To make demands of someone who is doing YOU a favor is in terrible poor taste.
    PM, thank you for all you do…Thank you for adoring OUaT, as well as So You Think You Can Dance….dance….dance.

  17. 17
    lindaw205
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    The recappers are definitely not paid, very talented but not paid. I’ve been coming here for years and that’s they way it’s always been. Unless something has changed within the past few months.

  18. 18
    lindaw205
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    I do seem to recall Flipit offering sexual favors as payment, which is why the recappers remain unpaid. :)

  19. 19
    Moli Moli
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    @linda, I thought Flipit offered Cheetos…. oh wait maybe that is only to Plath

  20. 20
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    I don’t see any reason to get hostile here. I’ve often wondered about how this site works myself — who gets paid, etc. But I don’t lose much sleep over it. Maybe because TVGasm has nothing to do with the freelance work I do. And I doubt this site is responsible for bringing down the pay scale. Which sucks, and always has sucked. The pay scale hasn’t budged (upwards, anyway) in 20 years. I doubt there are a lot of freelance writers getting rich from this. Personally, I love the life –gives me lots of free time to write comments about reality television shows. Helps to have a partner who works too!

    And the real threat is from India anyway.

  21. 21
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    And Pottymouth’s worth her weight in gold for giving the world the word “hairschlong.”

  22. 22
    captain-save-uh-hoe
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Sign me up, if they’re getting paid in Cheetos!

  23. 23
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Looks like somebody’s trying to unionize tvgasm.

  24. 24
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Real Cheetos made by Frito-Lay, not those Walmart cheezy balls that Honey Boo Boo eats.

  25. 25
    ZipLock
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    Of course I volunteer for NON-PROFIT organizations: I write grants for a local school district that’s cash-strapped and I volunteer with the local literacy council and food bank. If I work for a FOR-PROFIT organization, I expect to be paid. And I’m not making demands, just pointing out an economic imbalance. And, as I keep repeating, it did not occur to me that they were not paid. I assumed they were since this is not a non-profit organization.

  26. 26
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    I wanna be paid for writing comments. That’s writing, isn’t it?

  27. 27
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    ZipLock, we are not paid.

    Flipit started the site, and I don’t even think he makes any money on it. Most of us who write recaps and Watercooler items do it because we really respect what Flipit has done here and get a lot of enjoyment out reading TVGasm, and we wanted to be part of something cool. Seeing your writing on the Web and having others enjoy it is worth something in itself.

    So, welcome, share your opinions (we got a metric fuck ton of ‘em here–opinions are our basic currency) but maybe slow your roll about how the site does/should/shouldn’t work until you know more.

  28. 28
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Speaking of Hairschlong — anyone else been wondering if this guy has a girlfriend?

  29. 29
    juddfan
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    I’m with @notwithoutmyTV. I would enjoy capping a show and dialoging with my fellow gasmi, but since I can barely keep up with the reading and commenting, I should attempt no such thing.

    Potty, you know I heart you forevah and evah!!!! Mwah!

    And, as usual, I hate myself for saying this, but I definitely didn’t mind seeing the grab of Hantz in his shorty shorts . . . I’m so glad you all know that I’m hopeless. Especially Mr. D . . . hee . . .

    Shamu would definitely get on my last nerve, and does, just watching him. I hate it when a vet, how shall I say, can’t properly represent themselves, so instead of respecting them, and appreciating their service, we kinda hate ‘em . . . no matter who it is, I can’t respect lazy people, esp ones who make it worse with drama . . .

  30. 30
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Hairschlong doesn’t creep me out nearly as much as Stachebear on Top Chef who augments his stupid Snidely Whiplash stache with an assholish personality, and Stache is married to a relatively decent looking woman. Like they say, there is somebody out there for everybody.

  31. 31
    LOSTbean LOSTbean
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Soooo good to be back with my gasmiis! Feels like forever. It’s me, not you. Thanks for the recap, PM! The impatient haters can get do their own recap and we’ll vote on whose is better. Does anyone thing Sharri looks like Sandra Bullock?

    Oh, and SHUT UP! ;o)

  32. 32
    RamonaMrFlipitMaid
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Mr Flipit no pay nobody. He no pay me and I done all his housework, cook and I shave his legs. and I if say something he beats me with a wooden spoon. I no complain ’cause he’s told me he’s a big Holywood star and he’s gona call la migra on me! Butt, yeah, el cabron no pay noone!
    And Mr Flipit, if you read this was not me who wrote, OK?
    Love ya, mean it (he teach me say those things!)

  33. 33
    Detinha
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    Seriously, I don’t care if they get paid or not. It’s not my business. I’m pretty sure the recappers wouldn’t be doing it if they were not enjoying it. just know that I enjoy the recaps and I’m grateful for them!

  34. 34
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    Great recap Pottymouth.

    ShaMOOOoooo makes me crazy. Big lazy azzhole gets out of the service and ponces around in his camos. What a tool. The kind of douche that hangs out at the local legion hall and gasses on and on with bullshit stories.

  35. 35
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Oh, I could care less if Pottymouth is ‘tardy’ posting her recap because half the bloody I’m tardy responding…… works for me.

  36. 36
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    bugger, meant time

  37. 37
    Flipit Flipit
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    ROMANA GODDAMMIT GET BACK TO WORK OR I’M TAKING AWAY YOUR BLANKET

  38. 38
    Mike Hunt
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    Well I tell you what. If I was fabulously wealthy and looked like or was Hugh Jackman I probably wouldn’t be calling PottyMouth either. No matter what though her recaps are hilarious, well wrote out and I really enjoy reading them. So in my mind it ain’t nothing but a compliment when somebody bitches about how fast the recap goes up!!! It’s obvious that like me they can’t get enough, fast enough!!! I love you PottyMouth and that’s all that matters. Well to me anyways!!! You just keep putting up these recaps whenever, and I’ll be a happy camper!!! I’m sorry that you don’t get paid for doing this because you are really good at it. I personally think you deserve an award for your efforts. A real big one too!!! Thank you very much. You are a real sweetheart!!! <3 <3 <3

  39. 39
    Daniel
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 4:20 am

    In addition to the reasons others have mentioned, many people are willing to write for free in exchange for publicity. As a blogger myself, I’m always looking for opportunities to guest post on sites with a larger or just a different audience than mine, simply to get my name in front of more people. It would cost me a lot more in advertising to get the same publicity as I do from writing a single post.

  40. 40
    PottyMouth PottyMouth
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 8:39 am

    Awwww Gasmi, I love ya! I think any recapper on the site would say that you guys are a big part of why we love recapping here. J-Mo once compared Gasmi comments to crack, so I guess that makes me y’all’s crack whore!!

    And I’m not sure if the comment about recappers liking/not liking the shows they recap was directed at me or not, but just for the record….I love the shows I recap. I couldn’t spend the amount of time that I do writing recaps if I hated the show. Now, that said, do I love EVERY episode or even every season? Hell no!

    Anyway, thanks for the love and the fix, Gasmi! The minicap for last night has been submitted, so it should be up soon. See ya in a few days with the full ‘cap!

    SWAK, PottyMouth

  41. 41
    KJN KJN
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 9:01 am

    @RamonaMrFlipitMaid Thanks, I almost choked on my damn coffee.

    @LOSTbean Yes! I keep thinking “blond Sandra Bullock!” every time she’s on screen. Looks just like her.

    I actually like when the recaps aren’t up right away, cause I usually watch the shows a day or two after they’re on, then I miss out on all the fun. I am chronically tardy for the party.

    Even if I did watch the show right away, the recaps are worth waiting for! :)

  42. 42
    HangOn
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 9:17 am

    Sorry, but Flip didn’t create this site. If I remember correctly, he took over when Bunim-Murray bought it from the person who started the gasm (not sure if I can mention his name here). Just want to give credit where credit is due.

  43. 43
    captain-save-uh-hoe
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 10:22 am

    I thought it essentially originated at Bunim Murray— or at least the group of peeps who were working on it were working at BMP at the time… no? What do I know! It was a long time ago.

  44. 44
    itchy itchy
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 10:44 am

    I’m pretty sure Bunim Murray bought it only recently, round about the time of the first (disastrous) web site redesign. In the old days, we’d have feeds from the forums so we’d know when people were posting there too — much better than the lameass strip of videos that take up half the home page.

    I thought Flipit was a recapper who took over after the original blogger moved on? But of course, TVGasm wouldn’t be what it is without him. Although why doesn’t he have his own television show yet? Are the people at the networks really that stupid? He’s one of the funniest people out there. Hey, Bravo! Wake up, you idiots!

  45. 45
    Flipit Flipit
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Hey guys!! Some TVgasm history:
    TVgasm was started by Ben Mandelker (B-Side) and Joseph Fahs (J-Unit). Ben has his own site now (bsideblog) and Joe moved to San Fran and is still hot. I started writing here in 2006 for season 2 of Top Chef after winning the first auditiongasm along with Schoonie and a few others. Bunim-Murray bought the site in 2005ish, and that was spearheaded by Saul (MadeYouLaugh). Ben and Joe moved on about 6 months after I got here and helped me move up to Senior Editor. Ben and I are still close and do the Watch What Crappens podcast together.
    A couple of years ago, Bunim-Murray ramped up their Digital Department, which has been producing some pretty cool web shows. TVgasm has moved into that department, which is why you see me making so many damn videos. There will be more people brought on to make vids as well so it’s not just me flappin my gums at you all the time.
    The video strip on the front page was just changed last night to be TVgasm only, so hopefully within the year it will be stocked with more original videos and make more sense.
    As far as Bunim-Murray goes, they are pretty awesome parents, considering they’re a giant company and TVgasm is a tiny property. They could have repackaged and sold us out or tried to water us down, etc, but they let us do whatever we want as long as it makes them laugh. We trash them and their shows on a regular basis and they pat us on the back and tell us they are proud, so we are lucky we were adopted by them.
    Sorry for the long ass comment in an inappropriate place, but I figured it was silly that you guys didn’t know what was up with the site when we spend so much time together.
    As far as writers and timelines, of course the faster you get a recap in the more readers you get, but we are a comedy site and the most important thing here is making people laugh. PottyMouth has done that for YEARS now and rarely ever does less than two or three shows at a time. If she’s late sometimes, I hug her long distance and just thank her for not checking into a mental hospital and leaving us behind.
    No one is here for the money, which is why you might notice I still make a lot of cater waiter jokes. We’re here for the giggles.
    Love to you guys and especially to you PottyMouth. Sorry for hijacking your thread. xo

  46. 46
    juddfan
    Posted March 1, 2013 at 11:19 am

    just call me, Flipit! I’ll hold Ramona while you hot sauce her for that blasphemous comment!!!

    He no pay me indeed!!!!

    ; )

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