Survivor Recap: Dr. PoopyPantyHead

We’re almost at the end, Gasmi.  I have to admit, I am not so sad to see this season end.  We’ve had a couple of fun episodes, but overall?  This season has been pretty bleh.  Doncha think?  But, we’ve got to get through it, so here we go….

We rejoin our castaways back at Camp Titty-Caca and Tarzan can’t believe that the ladies voted Kat out before him.  Now that he’s made it this far he’s got a plan to make it to the final three.  By telling them they should take him to the final four.  Huh? I thought he said he had a plan for final three???  I’m confused.

Does my breath smell like shit or is it my hand?

All of you smells like poop!  I will be the winner!  ME!!  Mwahahahahahaha!

The poor crab seems to be even more delusional than the remaining castaways.

Kim is on board with PoopyPants getting to the final four and he tells her that once he’s voted out he’ll totally talk the jury into giving her the million dollars.  Kim is worried Abitchia may not want to go to the final three with her, but Poopy tells her Abitchia is absolutely loyal to her; it’s Chelsea she has to worry about.  Kim tells us that if she has to send Chelsea home it will be her worst night here. 

But I’ll totally do it

What is it about night vision that makes everyone look so creepy?

Abitchia joins the party and Kim fills her in on the discussion, minus the part where PoopyPants said he’ll totally talk to the jury about her winning.  She heads back to camp, and then Poopy tells Abitchia that she should be worried about Kim beating her at the end. 

Don’t worry, I’ve got your back

That’s right; PoopyPants tells HER he’s going to convince the jury to give her the million dollars!!!  The dude may smell like shit, but it seems like he’s got a brain in his head after all.  He’s hoping that playing both ladies will get him to the final three, but even if he gets there and doesn’t win it won’t be terrible, he tells us.  “I just won’t buy shocks for my car.”

Or soap.  Or toothpaste.  Or shampoo.  Well…maybe shampoo….POO…..mmmm

The next Chelsea is in the shelter listening to everyone discuss breakfast.  She thinks at this point it’s a three on three game.  Her, Kim, and Sabrina versus Abitchia, Tarzan, and Christina.  She knows that the PoopyPants alliance thinks that Kim is on their side, and she’s happy about that because she knows Kim is really on her side.

Oh Chelsea.

It’s gonna really hurt when Kim stabs her in the back.

Later Chelsea and Christina head out to pick up that day’s tree mail.  Chelsea knows that Christina is tight with Abitchia (why I’ll never know since Abitchia was SO FUCKING HATEFUL to her), so Chelsea tries to build some inroads with her by saying that if she wins the next reward challenge she’ll totally take Christina with her.

She also tells Christina it would be foolish to take Tarzan to the end given that the jury is a veritable sausagefest and bro code says “bros before hos.”

Of course as soon as they get back to camp, Christina scampers right over to the PoopyPants gang and fills them all in on her little Chelsea Chat.  Now Kim is worried that Chelsea may have said too much and blown her cover, but it doesn’t seem like anyone is really looking her way.  They’re too busy ragging on Chelsea and talking about how she has got to go.

Can this really be going this well?