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Monday, February 18, 2013
10:50 am
25 Comments
This show needs to be more like Spartacus. Is it too much to ask for an unblurred butt?
Not to be left out, Reynold loses his pants too. But the pants off dance off can’t help him; Malcolm grabs the pole and the favs win reward.
Everyone heads out to their respective campsites where we meet up with them again. First we’re catching up with Gota, aka Team Newbie. As they arrive Shamar tells us he’s disappointed that they didn’t win the challenge; it made him realize he’s not in control over the game. But he’s going to do his best to inspire his teammates to do a better job next time.
I’ll give ‘em a crash course in bone breaking. I mean grip breaking!
He starts out right away by saying he thinks they should work on building a fire before doing anything else. It seems like a good idea to most of his tribe, but there are some people who have a different approach.
I am finding it hard to focus on his words. When did having a hair schlong growing out of your beard become a thing?
So, anyway…..yeah….sorry. It’s super distracting. So HairSchlong feels that shelter is super important as well, but he’s not going to make a big deal outta it; he’s just gonna work on that while others try to get the fire going. Seems like a good idea, right?
What the fuck is that guy doing?
Shamu doesn’t like it when people don’t listen to him I guess, because he’s not happy that HairSchlong is working on something that he has deemed less important that fire. But it’s totally okay that he’s not actually working on either thing, instead he’s sitting on his ass bitching about the guys working on shelter. I repeat: he’s a dick.
I may have a dick growing outta my face, but at least I’m not a dick.
Well said, HairSchlong, well said.
Meanwhile, Bikal, aka Team Second Chance, arrives at their camp in much better moods than the newbies. Of course winning the first challenge definitely helps perk a person up. Malcolm tries to pretend he’s not super athletic as he “struggles” to wade through the water, but I doubt anyone’s buying it.
Don’t give me shit, okay? I’m just trying to get people to like me.
Crazy Ass Phillip takes charge of building the shelter while Fransisqua gives him the evil eye and tells us she still thinks he’s a crazy ass mother fucker. So she tries to protect herself immediately from his insanity by forming an alliance with Andrea and Dawn.
But Fransisqua is not going to rely on these people alone. She tells us she is going to align with everyone.
I’m sorry you were such a crazy ass mother fucker last time we played. You seem like you’re still super crazy…..wanna be friends?
Four outta the five voices in my head say you are full of shit.
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25 Comments
Cochran’s hobbit feet were disturbing.
I like the beard schlong guy and the gay guy with the hat. (The one who fell into the water.)
I HATE THOSE FOUR but would like to see Reynold walk around naked. Uh, just because I hate him doesn’t mean I don’t want to see him naked.
Poor Cochran. I think he should have rubbed coconut milk on himself.
Thanks for the recap.
After this mess, I hope I don’t see any Hantz uncles, nephews, brother-cousins, or what have you on my tv EVER again.
Didn’t Malcolm blow a bunch of challenges like this while under pressure last season too? Take a hint, Malcolm: Bean Bag Toss is not your game.
Also: Bean Bag Toss. This is what Survivor has come down to.
This episode was a huge mess. I suppose some of this can be blamed on the last minute cut — according to Reality Blurred, it was supposed to be two hours and got cut to an hour and a half at last minute. Which only left 63 minutes of actual program — including a good 10 minutes of time wasted reminding us of who these so-called “favorites” are, since they’re all mostly forgettable as players. And then another 10 minutes of absolutely pointless nature shots (which were all no doubt filmed for some other show anyway).
But I agree, so far the so-called “fans” (not one of whom has expressed any kind of sentiment like this) seem pretty awful and I’m afraid I’ll end up rooting for the favorites too. I kind of liked the hipster twins. But now everytime I see BeardSchlong, I’m going to think : “Hey, there’s BeardSchlong!”
Francesca deserved to go though. She’s just kind of a … drip. I think that’s why people kept voting her out.
Another season with Philip will just about kill this show for me. He’s even worse than Hantz. And that’s pretty fucking bad.
This episode was supposed to be 2 hours? There was so much pointless crap in the 90 minutes, what in the hell were they going to put in the other 30 minutes? Is that where are the good stuff was and they just edited it all out?
I’m on the Favorites? train, too. If you have to remind me who they are and I still don’t remember them, they aren’t a favorite. And considering Malcolm hadn’t even been on my TV yet when he was brought back, how in the hell is he a favorite? I don’t think Hantz has blackmail pictures of Probst teabagging Burnett, I think all these “favorites” teabag Probst and Burnett and that’s how they “earned” their spot.
Damn! That was probably the most expensive piece of ass on a first date….
Not that I suppose it matters too much – but the first time FVF played there were at least 2 players in the same situation as Malcolm – Amanda and (ugh) James. Can’t remember if any others. And come on, it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that Malcolm was going to be a favourite.
I actually quite enjoyed this episode. Not the best ever, but this season does have potential.
Just finished the recap.
So much fun. Thanks PottyMouth. You outdid yourself with the captions, too.
I think that they should make Fransesqua eat a rock at the reunion show ;}
I really hope that Inspector Pink Painties and Sgt. Shamu end up as part of the merge. Only because I want to see those egos go head to head. What Fun!
There wasn’t enough Malcolm on. All we got to see was Malcolm in a tussle and Malcolm’s lower body blurred. No fair.
I would like my eliminations to go thusly: the pretty 4, then Hantzy, then crazy pink panties or Shamu. There are many for me to not like this year.
I think I’m pulling for Cochring this time. I don’t know why but I am. Maybe it was the sunburn.
m rooting for the faves, because like you I can’t stand the newbies already.
And I too was laughing when 4 of them were in the water not realizing they do not have the numbers. Can’t wait for one of those asshats to get the boot!
Y aknow— As far as “faves” goes I think when people are booted they are asked if they are willing to come back for future shows—not being a gal who sells her soul for 30 pieces of silver to go with out showers, wine, cawfee, wine, clean clothes, wine, showers and proper bathrooms and wine, I wouldn’t come back again. I think this crew is a combo of people asked back by Burnett b/c they make good TV (No Hantz–am convinced your family has pix of Probst and Burnett) and are willing to do this again.
OK–back to reading
OK—and ready!!!! When was HII mentioned???? I think we had some bad editing and eyeliner .
I am on Team Faves too—I cannot stand Phillip and will prolly be chasing Andrea around camp with cotton balls to fix all that eye-liner. That being said I do like Beard Schlong and cant wait for The Cool Kids to start turning on each other. I hope Beard makes it to merge too.
The best part of the show? The waving crabs. Which is so, so sad. I can’t find anyone to root for yet but there are plenty to root against. I guess I am keeping my options open at this point. Great recap as always, PottyMouth!
Lots of people seem to have low expectations for this season… I remember reading an interview midway through last season, and Jeff was already talking this season up, saying it is the best in years. And considering how good last season was, I think we’re in for a treat.
Either way, I’m just happy to see CockRing back. His awkward self-deprecation is so adorable <3
I’m with you Pikey, the crabs were adorable.
I’m rooting for Dawn, and in my book, she’s the only fave here. Cock ring was funny, but got kind of annoying. Can’t stand Philip and I wish Fransisqua took him out . . . oh well, hope the rock has plenty of iron.
Hate the cool kids, hate Shamu hate droopy pants . . . should I be excited. I don’t hate the Hantz yet, but scenes of next week tell me that will fade . . . I love that you keep the Jezebel alive Potty!
All I could think was, wouldn’t one get splinters sliding down that pole . . . I cringed every time.
And call me crazy, but these faves seem like they are famous for dumb moves . . . dunno about Philip coz I just can’t with him, and I remember Dawn being somewhat heroic, and I guess Malcom had a good run, but didn’t the rest burn out in historically, stupid ways!
Well, it’s not like Probst is going to admit in an interview that the season’s going to suck balls and they made a huge and terrible mistake, is it?
Before the show started, I watched some of the promos and noticed the clothes everyone was wearing, especially the “Faves”. They seemed to be stuck in a time warp, wearing almost identical clothes from when they were on the show before. This, it turns out, is no accident. No one, not even the ‘newbies”, are wearing their own clothes. All of them are wearing clothes provided by the CBS wardrobe department. The “Faves” are wearing clothes that will help viewers remember them, thus Philip’s pink underwear and Cochran’s long-sleeve shirt with the distinct two-toned collar.
Just a little side note for ya……
Loved the recap of course!
That’s so interesting Chooch. They did a good job with Corine’s bathing suit, I just wish they at least switched the brand of pink panties to something more tailored to fit and not droop . . . just not a good look at all.
I’m wondering why CR didn’t put on sun-block–they give it to them, don’t they?
@juddfan, I found this to answer your question. “What is allowed? Information available states Survivor cast members have access to vital medicine, such a blood pressure medication, as well as certain items considered “minimally appropriate” like contact lens solution, sunscreen, insect repellent, and feminine products.”
Whether Cochran used the sunscreen or not is another matter.
And no doubt Hantz has hidden all the “feminine products.”
Hantz is a “feminine product”
@my heroine, Chooch! I was pretty sure that was the case!!! I would need my moisturizer, so I’ll never be on Survivor . . .
I’m guessing Hantz is trying to make good after his failure last time, at least, in the eyes of Russell . . . I still remember the reunion, and Russell stood up in the audience and fame-whored himself . . . such a weird and disturbed family. I hope he gets wind of the cool kids messing around and goes all Jezebel on them . . . hee . . . Or he could pelt them with the feminine products ala Carrie . . .
I think Li’l Hantz may be a backslider. He does not seem to be spirit-filled on this episode. There was no praying or even any sky-pointing. Maybe he doesn’t wanna piss itchy off.
Give him time, crankyguy, give him time.
HantzyPantz may have been speaking in tongues, cuz it seems to have erupted all over his body in bad tatts.