Survivor Recap: It’s Funny! And Exciting!

Survivor

By PottyMouth | Sunday, May 6, 2012 | 7:16 pm | 26 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Recaps, Survivor

I am still laughing at how this episode turned out, Gasmi.  Maybe my expectations have been lowered, sitting through this snoozefest of a season, maybe I’m a cruel bitch who enjoys the suffering of others, OR maybe it was just that funny!  I think I might go so far as to say this episode was almoooost(but not quite) as funny as that time when  Lisi fell.

It really does never get old.

I may have to add a screenshot from this episode to my wall of Survivorchuckles.  But we’ve got a long way to go before we get to that, so let’s jump right in! It’s night 30 and Titty-Caca is returning from a particularly rewarding tribal council.  Everyone is thrilled that they got Douchezan OUT.  Chelsea is amazed that they were actually able to do it, which triggers Kat wondering what Douchezan meant when he whispered “Do it.” To her before leaving.

It’s like a mystery that will never be solved.  What did he want me to do??!??!?!?!

Abitchia, being the bitch that she is, has to point out to Christina that she almost went home; after all, she only had one vote less than Douchezan.  She thinks that this night’s tribal proved just how stupid Christina is because she didn’t answer Jeff’s questions well.  But you know who did answer the questions well?  SABRINA.

That bitch has gotta go

Ugh.  You first, Abitchia. Why do I have a feeling her nasty ass is going to be in the top three?  Bleh. Abitchia is super worried about Sabrina because she is a good talker and could end up swaying the jury to vote for her.  Also?  She’s not a feral nasty bitch.

What are you trying to say?

Nothing I haven’t said already! So, Sabrina is now on Abitchia’s hit list. In a moment of self delusion, Abitchia tells us that people underestimate her role in the game; “Little do they know, I’m at the top controlling everything.  I’m the most powerful player in this game.”  I really hope her ass gets voted out soon. The next morning, Abitchia and her new best nemesis, Sabrina, go to collect tree mail.  Inside is a box emblazoned with the Sprint logo on it, so they immediately know what’s coming.  They play it cool at first when they get back to camp, but when they reveal the box and pull out the phone inside, everyone goes nuts.

The first message is from Sabrina’s brother, Tony.  He says she is missed back home and that he is on the island.  She’s really hoping that she gets to spend some time with him today.  The next is from Abitchia’s sister, Leticia, who says she misses her and is proud of her.

I love it when you pick on people and compare them to your special ed students!  Oh….by the way…..your school called and said you’re fired.

Okay, maybe that last part is wishful thinking. Chelsea’s dad is next which causes Chelsea to cry and say that she loves her dad.  I normally make fun of the crying, but I like Chelsea so I’ll save my mockery for someone else.  The next greeting is from Christina’s dad and she’s in tears too.  She tells us her dad got a kidney transplant last year and now only has about five to ten years to live.

Damn.  I guess I should have made fun of Chelsea while I had the chance.

Fucking transplant patients. Kim’s sister, Beth, is next and seems to be just as boring as Kim is.  She’s followed by Kat’s cousin, Robby who Kat tells us is also her best friend and most important person in her whole life.  Oooookay.  And last but not least is Mrs. Poopypants.

The house has smelled much fresher since you’ve been gone.

Sabrina tells us that she is planning on taking Tarzan on the reward if he wins because she can see how much he really needs to spend time with his wife.  She hopes the others will be unselfish in their choices as well.  She tells us it’s kinda like she’s playing for her AND Tarzan today. So now we’re off to the reward challenge.  Jeff takes back the phone they got from tree mail before telling everyone what they already know: their loved ones are here.  Time to bring them out for hugs and kisses and tears.

And humping and motorboating?

Yikes!  I’m pretty close to my cousins, but we never hump each other! I think my favorite family moment is when Chelsea’s dad says something to her about being so tan and she tells him it’s not a tan; it’s dirt.  So cute!  Jeff, of course, has to comment on the tough girl crying and Chelsea says she knows she’s been sort of a hard ass on the show, but “this is my soft spot.”

Love her!

There’s also talk of Christina’s dad’s kidney transplant, Kat talks about her weird relationship with her cousin: they work together, live together and BREATHE together.

Well, he actually reminds me to breathe.

Tarzan drops to his knees before his wife even comes out.  He tells Jeff his wife is his soul mate and they have a quantum entanglement.  You know, for once I’m finding him to be actually quite sweet. For this challenge, the family members will be participating as well.  They will be attached together by rope and have to maneuver themselves (and their rope) through a series of obstacles.  It’s really another untangle the rope challenge, except their part of the tangle as well.  First one to reach the finish line will get to go with their loved one to a beautiful spot where they will enjoy fish, chicken, and beef kabobs. Ready? Go!

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PottyMouth

When she isn't screaming curses at various dance show judges or washing her OWN mouth out with soap, PottyMouth is a proud mama to a gorgeous little boy. And yes, she knows everyone says that about their kids, but it's true when she says it. YES IT IS. Fuck you. She also laments throwing away the chance to be a trophy wife, and would like to find a rich husband so she can sit on her ass all day long and watch TV. If you are fabulously wealthy, look like Hugh Jackman (or ARE in fact Hugh Jackman), and are turned on by foul-mouthed, mature, slightly smooshy women, then she just may be the gal for you. Please send picture, references and your latest bank statement for review.

26 Comments

  1. 1
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    I loved this episode…from Kat getting a fun and exciting blindside to Tarzan being so cool at tribal about not going on the reward (which was smart on his part,) this may have been the best episode this season.

    Kat and her “cousin?” Creeped me out.

  2. 2
    ChaCha
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    I agree with you, PottyM, about the two best shows this season. They’re the only ones from this dippy season that make me holler with glee and clap. The rest of them…meh.

  3. 3
    Robin Robinez
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    I did this backassward and read the comments first. Kat and her cousin creeped me out, too. The crawling thing? What was that about? Who crawls like that toward another person? It was icky. And creepy.

    And it was also one of the most enjoyable TC’s we have had in a very long time. :-)

    TC, Robin

  4. 4
    carol
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    I love the screen-grabs from the night vision camera, they always look so scary.

    I love the family challenges but it is really unfair to have such a physical challenge. If it was balancing or holding on, maybe. The best ones are the eating challenges. I think your theory of Kim not wanting to win might be right. Who do you think Kim would have picked to go with her?

    Kat’s line before heading off to the reward about getting drunk was amazing. How could she be so stupid? As soon as her ‘cousin’ came out, everything she said made me realize that she really is as dumb as she appears, it is not an act.

    Kat attitude after the Immunity challenge was way worse than Troy’s last week. He was at least silent, Kat made a show out of it.

    Even with the obvious editing, it was still a shock to see Kat voted out. One of the best surprises of the season, but it was still shocking. I don’t care if it was a good move for the remaining players, it was pure ratings gold.

  5. 5
    Robin Robinez
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    The same thought crossed my mind as Kim and her sister slowed down a bit. She didn’t want to look like the bad guy again, especially during this emotional family challenge. So, she tanked it on purpose. I have a feeling that Kat’s fate was sealed before this challenge anyway, so it didn’t matter.

    I have yet to see the person who was picked “least deserves to be here” kicked out in the same episode. Or in the following episode. Christine was staying. That “Least deserves to be here” puts a bug in folks ears and they get all happy because if they are sitting next to “least deserves” they win! Yaayy.. NOT. :) Still have to win challenges.

    I dont know what kind of influence Douchezan has on the early jury. But I will bet it isn’t much.

    I think Chelsea could go all the way. I also think she could easily sway others to get rid of Kim when the time is right.

    Thanks for a great Recap :-)

    Robin

  6. 6
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 6:08 am

    No doubt, if Kim really did throw the challenge, we would have known about it, since Kim seems to get 90 percent of the private interviews. But since I don’t have much faith in her gameplay — I think she’s just been lucky that she’s with a bunch of losers this season (and I also suspect either Chelsea or Sabrina or both are using her as their point guard) — I think she really was trying to win. Of course, winning the immunity challenge is more important but she should have thrown that one, since she’s just setting herself up as a too-powerful player to go to the end with.

    I’m really hoping Chelsea will sneak up from behind on this one, but she doesn’t seem to have the cut-throat-ability the game requires.

    At this point, I’d like to see Kim bring Tarzan to the end — and then watch all of the guys on the jury, plus Kat, vote for him. Not that I want Tarzan to win. But I think it’d be a fitting end to a pretty lame season.

  7. 7
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 7:07 am

    I don’t know why they just don’t get rid of the last penis and then decide the pecking order for the ladies. Clearly these people don’t watch previous seasons, because if they had, they’d know that in the Vanuatu season where the women were also dominant, they imploded at the end instead of taking out Chris, who all the jury penises voted for winning. No matter how annoying Kat may have been, she was nothing more than a vote and the girls should have realized that her sway over the guys is less than Tarzan’s, because he survived for days with the knowledge that he’d be voted out “next.” We all know that in Survivor, gender politics plays a greater role in the game than respected game play and if Tarzan keeps making it, then any woman losing would be her own fault.

    I must admit I gave up on this season after Colton left and I wasn’t impressed when I returned this week. Kat’s blindside was one of the better ones I’ve seen and, lastly, Kat must have a higher opinion of herself than Survivor fans do if she thinks that giving Jeff Probst a blow job is going to get her back for another season.

  8. 8
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 9:07 am

    I thought the funniest line of the episode was dingbat Kat crying, “I lost to Kim, and she’s 28! How embarassing to lose to someone six years older!” or something like that. Along with “I can’t believe I went out before Tarzan and Christine!!! WAH!!!” shows how TOTALLY clueless she was about the game.

  9. 9
    zerocool
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Excellent recap to an excellent episode. But I have a big bone to pick with TPTB. Letting relatives do a physical challenge is not only unfair to them, it’s stupid. Here’s what will happen, if future survivors thinks it through. Example: instead of picking my older mom with back problems to come on the show, I’ll pick my super-fit brother. Less emotions for the camera, but it might get me some food on a reward.

    Anyway, looking forward to some fall out – rooting for Tarzan to win this thing.

  10. 10
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 10:41 am

    @Robin: Yeah, Kat’s crawling was pretty creepy…I think she even barked like a dog at one point! I love her edit and how progressively troll-like she started looking.

    I agree that the show has been boring, but I think that there’s been a fair amount of subtle game play going on: I think Kim did throw the comp to get someone else to chose. She is also smart in that if the rest of the group seems to be leaning in a different direction (like this week with Kat), she goes with the majority rather than bully people into her choice like other people do in this show. That way, the rest of her “allies” feel like they are a team and making decision together. That strategy is going to get tougher though.

    Sabrina might be playing too by throwing the immunity competition and by broadcasting to everyone how she would have given her place up for Tarzan or Christina. She is trying to be seen as soft and a pushover, probably hoping that Kim will start to get more paranoid about Chelsea (clearly, the most sincere/honest player of the bunch). I even think that Tarzan has been playing everyone by being the obnoxious old guy. Now that he seems to have a lock at the end, he seems to be slipping and a much more reasonable and somewhat smarter guy is starting to show through.

  11. 11
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Tarzan is an asshole if his response to Christina’s “Do you like me?” question several weeks back is any indication. But, at this point, I have come around to wanting him to win anyway. If he is a poor plastic surgeon, then he needs the win so he can put shocks on his Jeep. If he is a rich plastic surgeon, then I also like to see people who are successful in their fields succeed in other endeavors too. So even if he’s an asshole — rich or poor — go Tarzan.

  12. 12
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 11:14 am

    I think you might have Sabrina figured out, JimmyT. She seemed to be overplaying it a bit in her righteous indignation that Tarzan and Christina weren’t chosen for the reward. And there is NO WAY that Tarzan could outlast her on that immunity challenge if she were at all serious about wanting to win it.

  13. 13
    Metal_Mandi
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Kat was just awful. I’m sorry, but at 22, ten years ago, I was managing a small transportation company with 35 employees underneath me, and going to school full time. It’s not her age, she’s just a moron.

  14. 14
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Crankyguy, if Tarzan’s wife is an indication of the quality of his work, then, yeah, he really needs to win this.

  15. 15
    Clair Clair
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I think the women are planning on voting out Tarzan when it gets down to 4. They’re keeping him around now because they can beat him in challenges. If so, it’ll be interesting to see what the immunity challenge is when it does get down to 4 – maybe a medical terminology challenge!

  16. 16
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    So KAT was an idiot all along. It wasn’t an act. That’s not surprising. Philip’s behavior wasn’t an act either. You know, SURVIVOR just casts people who are idiots. I’m sure there are some of you (and I know who you are because I’ve written your names down) that think KAT had great game play. [She didn’t do anything. She was under the radar. She made no enemies.] As far as I’m concerned the little twit got exactly what she deserved and it was fun to watch. It would have been better if she had thrown herself on the ground, while CRYING, but I guess that’s too much to ask.

    Now, as far as that KIM goes. I like her because she’s very mannish. I think she’s got some Y chromosomes oozing through her. Exhibit A: her mustache. Kim is completely unemotional which is odd for a lady on this show. I can see Kim as a professional assassin. A real skinny Le Femme Nikita. I looked at her CBS bio which was very revealing.

    I normally like tough HE-MEN like the greatest SURVIVOR of them all Russell Hantz, and that Yul, that Tom W., that Alan Alda sounding guy, etc. but Kim could hold her own with any of these HE-MEN.

  17. 17
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    @MisterDangerous, it’s a little unfair to compare Kat who is immature and selfish to Philip, who was dragged to the end because he was unhinged and delusional. I do wish that someone who is cast for their “personality” will one day make it to the end and say to the jury, something along the lines of ‘my nuttiness/selfishness/delusion was a deliberate choice to get someone to take me to the end and I outplayed all of you to get there.’ I bet that person could have been Colton, but at this point, I really just feel that the casting department of this show needs to be fired.

  18. 18
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I’m still dreaming that one day someone will pull off the fake-idiot gambit and win the entire show. Obviously, Kat’s not the one. But the nutty/crazy/delusional gambit would be equally satisfying. A guy can dream, right?

    A little facial hair on a woman has never bothered me, Mr. D. It can, in fact, be quite sexy.

  19. 19
    featherhead
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Itchy – wasn’t Fabio faking the idiot thing and actually won?
    Mr D – You have me dying over here!

  20. 20
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    “I’m still dreaming that one day someone will pull off the fake-idiot gambit and win the entire show.”

    The only person I have faith in is Roger Kint. ;)

  21. 21
    zerocool
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Mr D – you crack me up!!!!

  22. 22
    lindaw205
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    You know, you’re right. It would have been SO cool if Kat had flung herself on the ground while kicking, screaming, AND crying. What a crowning trifecta it would have been. Funny and exciting, too!

  23. 23
    Robin Robinez
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    @ itchy,

    She does get major face- time. She is always a good Mystery pick for Fantasy Survivor when the question is “who will say…blah blah?”

  24. 24
    Moli Moli
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    I loved the blindside, reality tv gold. The look on her face as each vote was read…priceless…*as Kat walks away you hear her softly sobbing*…bwahahahahaaha. What gets me is she was more offended by an 28 year old lasting longer than freaking Christina and Tarzan. These girls are stupid if they think they should take Tarzan to with them to the final 3, the men will vote for him out of spite. I’m in the Kim threw the challenge club, there is no way she honestly lost. I think Sabrina is throwing the challenges as well if she makes it to final 4 she will suddenly kill it. I’m starting to root for Chelsea if she is playing the game I think she playing her name should be Stealthy, she’s out in the open but on the shadows.

  25. 25
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Does Kim still have the idol hidden in her crotch?

  26. 26
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    You guys all make some valid points. I hadn’t thought about Kim throwing the challenge, but in retrospect I think she did. Good move. I’m not entirely convinced Sabrina did, however.

    What has me worried is how far Aleechia (that’s what I call her – she’s leeching off of the others) has come. Sweet holy shit on a stick, Batman, what if she’s final three?! Eh, I guess I shouldn’t worry. She won’t win the damn thing, anyway (knock on wood knock on wood KNOCK ON WOOD).

    Great recap, as usual PM.

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