Survivor Recap: Sa-andy, Can’t you See?


So now the talks begin and everyone is trying to decide what makes the most sense for the vote.  ReynoldsWrap and Eddie know that they’re probably most likely to be booted, but they are not going down without a fight.

Meanwhile HairSchlong is telling Michael that he thinks the cool kids have to stay or they’ll have zero chance at winning any challenges ever.  He thinks they should vote for Laura even though she’s a part of their alliance because she suck donkey ass in the challenges.  Michael’s not sure it’s the right thing to do because he at least trusts her a whole helluva lot more than he trusts ReynoldsWrap or Eddie.

Those guys keep trying to give me wedgies!

HairSchlong must have talked him into it though because later he tells the guys that they are safe and he and Michael are voting for Laura.  ReynoldsWrap is not so sure; after all, he’s been played for a fool before.  He thinks he should probably play the idol tonight to make sure he’s not the one getting the boot out the door.  But he doesn’t want to waste it if they really are going to vote for Laura.  Damn!  Decisions are so hard.

Laura is no idiot and she sees all the conversations happening around camp and gets nervous that she might be the one going home tonight.  She knows she sucks at challenges, but she’s hoping that her tribe will keep her around anyway.  Sherri for one is all about that; she doesn’t want to lose Laura.  She already lost Shamu to the sandman; she needs her other strongest ally to stay with her.

What’s to stop them from looking at me next?

Exactly.  She also knows that the guys could decide to bond together and vote out the rest of the ladies; all this talk about survival of the strongest has her worried.  She should be. 

Michael tries to tell Sherri that they’re just super focused on flushing out the idol tonight, but the truth is that he’s still not sure which way he’s going to go.  He’s just gonna have to go with his gut and hope it works out.

Time for tribal council.

Jeff goes right to HairSchlong, asking him what camp’s been like without Shamu around to piss everyone off.  For sure it’s calmer, but they lost someone strong for the challenges.  Jeff wonders if Sherri misses Shamu or is it a bit of relief to have him gone?

Is he going to see this???

She says she misses him as far as being part of the alliance.  ReynoldsWrap wants to take an opportunity to remind everyone just how awesome he and Eddie are and how slim their winning chances are without the guys.

Laura points out that trust in your alliance is also super important, but ReynoldsWrap replies that trust doesn’t win challenges and all the trust in the world isn’t going to help them if they go into a merge with the numbers down.

But we haven’t been winning challenges with you guys either

PottyMouth

When she isn't screaming curses at various dance show judges or washing her OWN mouth out with soap, PottyMouth is a proud mama to a gorgeous little boy. And yes, she knows everyone says that about their kids, but it's true when she says it. YES IT IS. Fuck you. She also laments throwing away the chance to be a trophy wife, and would like to find a rich husband so she can sit on her ass all day long and watch TV. If you are fabulously wealthy, look like Hugh Jackman (or ARE in fact Hugh Jackman), and are turned on by foul-mouthed, mature, slightly smooshy women, then she just may be the gal for you. Please send picture, references and your latest bank statement for review.

34 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    I’m wondering what the producers were thinking when they cast Laura on this show. Absolutely worthless. They obviously went out of their way to stack the deck in the “favorites” favor, including bringing on that sack of whiny blubber. Glad he’s off the show at least!

  2. 2
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Philip giving people names is SO jr. high. Maybe, this show isn’t for adults anymore?

    “That’s how you do it!” MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH.

  3. 3
    C
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Shemar was useless at camp but corneal abrasions are nothing to trifle with. I had some and I was in my glasses for a month with nightly eye-ointment application to heal them.

    Laura might have been deadweight in challenges but her strategic play was pretty spot on from calling Reynolds out on his idol at the first tribal council to pointing out her social value as someone who is unlikely to flip on them if the tribes are mixed up as is likely.

  4. 4
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    The cool kids are such absolute tools; I would rather have seen them picked off than have Laura go. Their entitled indignance is laughable; was it Eddie or R-Wrap who said, “We’re the best looking people here, of course we’re going to hook up!

    I loved Malcolm’s descripton of Tata as a “Filipino Gollum.”

  5. 5
    Shaggyone
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Did anyone notice how slowly Phillip was throwing his bags at the “milk jugs”? Reynoldswrap was throwing two to his one. I think the producers might have been trying to manufacture drama because it should have been a complete blow out by Phillip.

  6. 6
    carol
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    In high school chemistry we all had to sign a waver saying that if we had contacts, we were not allowed to wear them and had to wear our classes. This was encase something got in our eyes. Shamoo never said anything about his contacts and he put his dirty fingers in his eye the afternoon before leaving. Isn’t that a major rule of thumb that you don’t touch your eye when you have contacts unless it is to remove them?

    As middle school as it seems, Philip giving his tribe names is boosting tribal moral (at least until next week). Is it wrong that there are still people on both tribes who I have no clue what their name (or nickname on here) is? I don’t know if that means they will be voted out next or they are going to the final three and the editors don’t feel the need to show them as much this early.

    I hope and pray Jeff only asks Shamoo one question during the reunion. That is still one question too many. He isn’t even worth bringing back for a Heroes vs Villains season. He was not a villain, he was just lazy and acted like a fourth grader.

    I really hope there isn’t a mix-up or merge until way late in the season. It does nothing for the show. Why not show one tribe getting totally decimated. It makes for better tv.

  7. 7
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    @C
    “Laura might have been deadweight in challenges but her strategic play was pretty spot on from calling Reynolds out on his idol at the first tribal council to pointing out her social value as someone who is unlikely to flip on them if the tribes are mixed up as is likely.”
    ~~~
    I am not too sure about that. Calling out Reynold so early in the game made her look like a big ole blabbermouth to me. I wouldn’t trust her..

  8. 8
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    I am soo glad you brought up the rats, PottyM. Remember in the old days when they would have woke each other up yelling “food” and had a rat round-up ? And They Were Grateful For It! ;)

    Back to reading and laughing…

  9. 9
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    Darn, the recap ended..You could write 30 pages and I would still want more!

    So, let me get this straight,Shamoo was in the military on the front lines with a weapon, and he mistakenly thought his troop.eh..tribe, won a “stand on the pole” game?

    I think that his eye injury was second only to the burns he got in the kitchen or paper cuts from pencil pushing. He is too lazy, self absorbed, and shows not one ounce of teamwork to be allowed on the front. I appologize to all the Military cooks for even putting him in their ranks.

  10. 10
    Mae
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    Ugh the nerve of this guy, I’m glad he’s off the show, whenever I see his face I fast forward so I don’t have to listen to whatever BS he has to say (read here: http://www.realitywanted.com/newsitem/6205-survivor-caramoan-exclusive-interview-with-shamar-thomas#.UT7CXaWPSlI)

    Q. Gina, RealityWanted: Sherri was one of your closest allies but to the cameras, she acted as if you were a burden and if she had to constantly keep you focused or calm. Did anything she said bother you?
    A. Shamar: The only thing that really botherd me was what she said about the people who worked for her. Sherri owns all of these businesses and said she was the boss but she was working for me! She was up in the shelter, giving me water, giving me food. I’m like, “Sherri, how are you calling yourself the boss out here?” That’s the way I saw it.

  11. 11
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 1:02 am

    Clearly clueless, that guy.

    As for Laura, the smart play would have been to go to Reynoldswrap on the side, let him know she knew about the idol, and use that information to give her leverage further into the game. Or she could have slipped the information to her alliance without letting Reynoldswrap know.

    It’s not like they were ever seriously going to vote him or Eddie Munster out anyway. And it doesn’t take a Freud to recognize that Reynoldswrap’s narcissism would never allow him to play the idol for someone else.

    So, yeah, I think it was stupid of her to blurt that out in tribal council — she didn’t achieve much that way. And it might have hurt her — she let her tribemates know she can’t be trusted to hold onto important information. Meanwhile, she also sucked at challenges and, let’s face it, didn’t do much to fill out her bikini anyway. Hair Schlong no like!

  12. 12
    nashuaf
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 1:13 am

    Not to be a TOTAL jerk, but what takes so long to post the recaps? Granted, you do an amazing job PottyMouth, but 5 days every week? I’m afraid of how long it’ll take to recap the finale!

  13. 13
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 2:24 am

    @ Potty Another great recap like always!!! I was thinking though that douchenozzle was two words not just one. * douche nozzle* Now I could be wrong because I really ain’t that familiar with the term… *In the end he just wasn’t magical enough. Where’s Harry Potter when you need him?* He’s at Universal Theme Park in Orlando, Florida!!! I tell ya I know what I’m talkin ’bout hear!!!

    Any way you watch it the show is way better with two challenges rather then one. With only one challenge you have to watch way to much cry baby drama shit that I for one could care less about. All these fuckers do is sit around and whine about somebody or everybody else. Oh, and starve because they haven’t a clue as to any real survival skills. Laura was definitely the best choice to go. I would of had issues with her right off the bat. Especially when she brought up the HII at tribal instead of keeping quiet and using that information to her advantage. No matter what she said she could never be trusted. Now with her gone do I feel that they will have a better chance at maybe winning a challenge???? Hell NO!!! I do though think that they have a better chance then they would have if they would have gotten rid of another one of the cool kids…..

  14. 14
    PinkTop
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 4:05 am

    If they bring Shamoo back as a “Villain” I shall officially throw in the towel. There is no way Moo achieved “Villain” status. However, if they do a “Most Useless Players Ever” season… although, that pool has been sucked dry to make up this season’s “favorites.” I mean… Erik??? PHILLIP???? 5 weeks in and I still can’t.

    Looks like the “fans” might finally win one next week, as we were treated to the “full Hantz” in the preview. Munster and Wrap can celebrate by hooking up with each other, since they are the hottest people left and that’s what the hottest people do, right? Would be the most productive thing they’ve done thus far.

    Douchenozzle – Reynold is the douche, Eddie is the nozzle.

  15. 15
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 4:14 am

    This season already is the Most Useless Players Ever season, so Shamoo missed that boat.

  16. 16
    PinkTop
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 4:38 am

    If I was Parvati or Boston Rob (or any genuine villain of Survivor past) I would be deeply offended that they’re allowing Shampoo to join my ranks. This can’t happen.

  17. 17
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 8:23 am

    Regarding Laura’s suckiness at challenges, Jeff must have liked her because she didn’t get the Katie treatment from last season. If you aren’t physically strong, he doesn’t like you, and you have a vagina, your strategy will get blown up during challenge time.

    Instead of a potential Heroes v Villains 2, why can’t Survivor do a Winners edition, where the female winners compete against the male winners? You throw in every twist that’s happened in 26+ seasons (HII, Exile Island, etc) and you include challenges that are more cerebral and physical than the carnival games we’ve seen this year. Since we know Survivor is suffering ratings-wise, this all-winners edition could potentially be a game changer.

  18. 18
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Parvati wasn’t a villain — unless you define a Survivor villain as someone who devised a winning strategy. I wish there were more players like her, that’s for sure.

  19. 19
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Parvati is the devil. Pure evil. A true Jezebel and a certified Whore of Babylon™. Good lookin’ to be sure (which makes her even more beguiling and dangerous), but definitely evil. If we ever crossed paths, I LITERALLY would run in the opposite direction, screaming in terror. Know that.

  20. 20
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 11:13 am

    “Not to be a TOTAL jerk, but what takes so long to post the recaps?”

    I’m just guessing, but maybe earning a living has something to do with it.

  21. 21
    sweetblondie
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    With Shamwhiner and Laura gone, all the fat has been trimmed and the Fans might actually start winning…

  22. 22
    Novi
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Next week looks interesting… and also proves that they aren’t starving. Because in the old seasons, if someone had tried to dump out the rice, their tribemates may have gotten stabbity with the machete.

  23. 23
    juddfan
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    What is wrong with people today. Shamu’s mother and family must be ashamed-there is not one thing he can point to that they can be proud of from his performance here. I find the notion of this dehydration quite suspect! Some seasons have had boney girls with barely an ounce of fat, and they have fared better. There have also been some people with meat on them before, and again, may I remind Shamu that Richard Hatch actually won!

    If you don’t want to get dehydrated, drink some fucking water dude! For chrissakes!!!

    Such a disrespect to the women, just utter . . . he’s really one of my most hated and despised tribesters ever, and there have been some badies over the years. I hate it that he’s making me hate someone who served our country! Ugh!

  24. 24
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    “Not to be a TOTAL jerk, but what takes so long to post the recaps? Granted, you do an amazing job PottyMouth, but 5 days every week? I’m afraid of how long it’ll take to recap the finale!”

    Oh No You Di int! ;}

  25. 25
    PinkTop
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    Parvati was a ‘Villain’ on Heroes vs Villains. On the last Aftershow she proudly referred to herself as a villain. Being a villain and devising a winning strategy are not mutually exclusive. Parvati is one of the best Survivor players for sure.

    Did anyone watch that Aftershow btw? Crabby Maria was the guest host (yey!) and they interviewed Shampoo via Skype, who was clueless as ever. Seriously, he makes Crabby Maria look rational and self aware.

  26. 26
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    @ Robin Oh No You Di int! ;}

    Hilarious!!!!!

  27. 27
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 11:27 pm

    Agree that Shamar is not deserving of villain status. No villainy there, whatsoever.

    But to see Shamar and that uber-prick Colton on a team together…oh, the pain…

  28. 28
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 2:26 am

    I guess I find it hard to consider a villain someone I find so madly attractive.

    Shamoo and Colton definitely belong on a tribe together. Call it the Weener tribe. Maybe with that Johnny Fairplay drip as well. I’d put Coach and Phillip on that tribe too, mostly because they’re such camera hogs they overshadow all the other contestants and completely skew (ruin) the editing for the entire season. Little Hantz also deserves a spot, since he’s a complete idiot. And he can have a separate spot just for his tattoos.

  29. 29
    hot cawfee
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 9:20 am

    jeebus whee has the week gone???? We are ready for another delight of an episode!!!!!

    I am still pondering the whole “contact lenses” thing—its not why I would bring lemme say—–if that is a suggested item then I am packing a flask that I will sca-doodle my little self over to the producers to be refilled daily.

    @ 1 Itchy– I agree with you–maybe Laura has some secret freak to her that remained to be seen????

    @ 6 Carol– absolutley–before you handle contacts you must wash your hands–put them in–and wash your hands again. I always do that.

    Thank God for the recaps and comments—only thing saving the season from my view.

  30. 30
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Heh, heh, heading upstairs to watch Hantzy Pantz lose his shit!

  31. 31
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    After watching this weeks episode. All I can say is, *Boy O’ Howdy!!!*

  32. 32
    lindaw205
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 8:04 am

    Maybe they could do a Lazy Days of Summer Episode. Pile all the lazys into one big tribe. We could see how long it takes for them to freeze/starve/dehydrate to death.

  33. 33
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 10:19 am

    Where’s the Minicap? I NEED TO VENT!!!!!

  34. 34
    PottyMouth PottyMouth
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 10:48 am

    @itchy: should be posted soon………I don’t want to keep you from your venting!

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