Survivor Recap: Smooches!

Survivor

By PottyMouth | Monday, October 22, 2012 | 1:40 pm | 13 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Survivor

Jeff wants to know how many challenges she’s actually participated in for the entire season so far.  Two.  Woooooowwww….go sit yer ass down.

You know what Jeff?  If you don’t like that she’s sitting out every time CHANGE THE FUCKING RULES!!!!!!  I think it’s bullshit as well how the sit outs have gone so far this season, but the tribes are utilizing the rules that they’re given.  So you can’t really be pissed at them for sitting out weaker players when the rules of the game are what’s allowed it.  I still wonder how challenges might have played out if people couldn’t sit out back to back challenges.  We could have possibly still had three tribes.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there because the rules allow for the sitting out that’s happened and for Ave sitting out now.  So let’s get this challenge started, shall we?

There’s a moat like water obstacle at the beginning that Katie has a REALLY hard time with, putting her tribe behind early on in the challenge. 

She’s fallen and she can’t get up

Jeff is no liking this at all saying that Katie is REALLY slowing them down on a very easy portion of this challenge.  I wish she would tell him to shut the fuck up.  It’s easy to say it’s easy when you’re not doing it Jeffrey!

That said, she sucks.

Katie continues to have difficulties and Jeff continues to heckle her.  She does get a break periodically as he decides to heckle Ave for sitting out as well.  Tandang makes it through their drawbridge first and Malcolm goes to work on the rope.  Kalabaw finally gets through after Tandang already finishes their rope.  Jeff takes up the axe but has to switch out with Penner halfway through. 

Tandang maintains their lead as they start solving the puzzle, but Kalabaw starts to catch up.  In the end Tandang finishes ahead but only by a few seconds.  Penner is pissed because he knows they’ll now be down two players which is a helluva lot harder to come back from. 

As Kalabaw returns to camp Katie apologizes for her crappy performance; she knows that she may be voted out tonight because of that and she tells us she can’t really blame her tribe if she ends up being the one to go home.  Dawson agrees and tells Katie to her face that she sucked but Denise is totally going to home because she’s a newbie.

It doesn’t matter that she can run circles around the two of us; the guys will keep us because we’ve been here sucking for longer!  DUH!

Meanwhile, Denise is out collecting water with Jeff and he uses the time to tell her that he’d like her to join the guys’ alliance because she clearly has more testosterone than estrogen whirling around in her system.  Denise is no fool and takes him up on the offer immediately.

He even breaks out the five fingered manshake!

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PottyMouth

When she isn't screaming curses at various dance show judges or washing her OWN mouth out with soap, PottyMouth is a proud mama to a gorgeous little boy. And yes, she knows everyone says that about their kids, but it's true when she says it. YES IT IS. Fuck you. She also laments throwing away the chance to be a trophy wife, and would like to find a rich husband so she can sit on her ass all day long and watch TV. If you are fabulously wealthy, look like Hugh Jackman (or ARE in fact Hugh Jackman), and are turned on by foul-mouthed, mature, slightly smooshy women, then she just may be the gal for you. Please send picture, references and your latest bank statement for review.

13 Comments

  1. 1
    PinkTop
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    If that were me, not only would the Probst liplock attempt succeed, I would have slapped his ass on my way out (AND he woulda liked it). Dawson = epic fail.

  2. 2
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    I would like to slap his ass too. Get in line Pink Top.

  3. 3
    BarBelle
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    I swear Ave had her in had in Dawson’s face at first, because I hadn’t realized they could get so physical in this challenge. But then she threw a hissy fit over the hair. Oy.

  4. 4
    featherhead
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    I can’t help it – I love Penner! He was sweet to Dana in a daddy way. If Dawson wasn’t pulling the puzzle pieces out of Penner ‘s hands they might have won.
    I couldn’t believe Pete told Malcolm about their idol after knowing him all of five minutes. What a maroon.

  5. 5
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Uh, no. In answer to your question. Dawson isn’t in Jeff’s driveway. She’ll take ANY rich guy. She just wants a sugar daddy. [Remember how she was naming all the things Jeff Kent needed to buy her for keeping his secret?]

    The girl better get on it quick cause she’s not that pretty and she ain’t getting any younger.

  6. 6
    carol
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    The only thing that kept going through my mind while watching this episode was – who are these people, where did they come from, why are they on the island. I only know the final two from the dismantled tribe and the former actress and baseball player. It really is like a new season starting next week with all these players that have had no screen time so far.

    I thought Jeff was amazing when that girl decided to go home. There was no point for him to be a dick, he probable had to be reminded of her name since he has only seen her at challenges. Also, she went out with class. She did not make a big deal about it, you could tell she was seriously under the weather.

  7. 7
    Robin Robin
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Thanks PottyMouth. Another funny, put a smile on my face,recap. :)

    I am also glad that you didn’t die in a plane crash. I would have missed you. You do know that not all pilots are like that guy that landed in the Hudson? I have to take xanax when flying so that when I die I am like “whatever”.

    I had a feeling that those two were going to each go to a tribe to even out the numbers. It was an easy solution to the problem that they caused in the first place by allowing that debacle to happen when they allowed the gals to all sit out of the challenge last week. Producer ploy.

    I would have voted out Dawson before Katie because she was so flipping anoying. I know it isn’t a strategic move necesarily, but it sure would have felt good to cut one of the heads off the two headed monster.

    TC, Robin

  8. 8
    Robin Robin
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    @featherhead,

    I agree with you about Penner. I never thought that I would hear a Survivor contestant tell another to take off her clothes and I knew it truly came from a place of concern.

    TC, Robin

  9. 9
    itchy itchy
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 3:14 am

    It’s worth pointing out that Juggs once again kicked ass in the immunity competition – while wearing a leopard-print thong, no less! There’s no way they’d keep Flabby Maria over her. Juggs is one of the best physical competitors this season. Unfortunately for her, her social game appears to suck. Greatly.

    Also, I’m pretty sure that, being Mormon, Jeff assumes his handshake with Denise (or any other woman) doesn’t really count.

    But Penner was right about telling her to take off her clothes — there’s no way to get warm in wet clothes. And it’s not like there’d be anything unseemly about it anyway. Dana has all the curves of an 11-year-old boy. Hmm. If you put it that way…

  10. 10
    Pikey578
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 4:48 am

    I read an interview with Dana where she said that she was in hospital for 4 days when she returned from the show. This makes me wonder how great the “doctor” was who said that she had a sore “tummy.” I don’t recall “tummy” being a part of the body, medically. She also said that Penner was one of the sweetest and kindest men she knew and that he was very concerned about her.

    AveMaria and Carter could leave tomorrow and they wouldn’t be missed.

    I would love to see a final three of Penner, Malcolm and Denise and wouldn’t care (right now) which of them wins.

  11. 11
    juddfan
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Great recap!!! I agree, this is like a restart on the season . . . I’ll miss Dawson, as I thought she was more interesting than Katie . . . and Mr. D, I like her looks, but I’m gay, so whatta I know!?

    Funny captions Potty!!! Mwah!

    My wish came true with Denise going to the split tribe and aligning with one half–yay!!!!

  12. 12
    PinkTop
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Malcolm just lost any tiny sliver of likeability he might have gained by getting hit with the underdog stick. Now that he’s on the winning tribe and in the power alliance, he’s douchier and more grating than ever. If he wants to get that sliver back, he should team up with Wall Street Juggs and take out Str8 Colton and Flabby Brazil Nut. I’m not holding my breath though. This week’s edit hinted at a budding Malcolm/Pete douche-mance, but we don’t know yet how legit or lasting.

    Mister_D – lol. We can share. I’m not very territorial with my Probst. He can snuff both of our torches.

  13. 13
    Robin Robin
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    @itchy

    “Also, I’m pretty sure that, being Mormon, Jeff assumes his handshake with Denise (or any other woman) doesn’t really count. ”

    According to him, it also never counts if you only use four fingers to shake hands, no matter who is on the other end. He has a diabolical handshake and it is his secret weapon! So scary! Pfft.

    I think that he wears out his thumb and index finger on a nightly basis, can only use so many fingers the next day and uses the old “I didn’t use enough fingers to shake hands because I meant to” line.

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