Oh Gasmi, never before have I had such polarized feelings about a show. On the one hand, I am so extremely pissed off at some of the fucking bullshit that went down, but then, I am also elated at the level dance we got to see tonight. This show fucks around with us all too much. One minute it’s shitting all over us and making us want to tear our hair out, and the next it’s showing us something beautiful and amazing and inspirational.
Damn. It’s not right.
I just can’t quit you.
I also haven’t forgotten about the conspiracy theory of last week wherein Cyrus is backloaded into the show so as to better help him stay in people’s minds and dominate the votes. What happens this time around is even worse and I am fucking LIVID about it. I’m not going to go off on that tangent now, but HOLY SHIT, I had an almost nuclear meltdown then night of the show.
This is my brain on SYTYCD
We start out the show with a montage with the final four telling us about how much they want to win this. It’s so shocking because I was under the impression that they were just all there for because they think Nigel is the cat’s meow, not to win a prize or anything.
That old perv makes me want to puke.
Me too, T-Maher, me too.
Cat reminds us that it’s all been leading up to this, our performance finale. Tonight’s performances will help decide who will win the title (or share the title) of America’s favorite dancer. Dancers. Whatev. It’s so important, Cat tells us, that we will get to see each dancer perform five times. That’s actually a miscalculation on her part since SPOILER ALERT we see each dancer perform SIX times. Once with each of their fellow contestants (3), once with an all star, a solo, and a really awful group number. Word just in: Cat can’t count.
Math is different in England!
Joining Mary and Nigel at the judges’ table for this go around is director, producer, choreographer,
And part oompa loompa, Rob Marshall.
Yikes. Orange is the new tan, I guess.
We’re starting out the performances with our first contestant pairing of the night: a reunion of Eliana and Cyrus. This time around they’ll be dancing a Jason Gilkison paso doble. Normally in this dance style the guy is the matador, but Jason has decided to switch it up and make Eliana the matador and Cyrus the cape.
Makes sense given the fact that he’s been dragged through the competition despite limp performances!