What a crazy fucked up season it has been, Gasmi. Packed with talent, yet full of suck. Who would have ever predicted that?
Predicted it? I masterminded it!
Ugh. Shut up jackass. Have I mentioned lately that I hate him?
So now we’ve reached the end. Possibly for forever (no renewal yet for another season). Will the season end with a bang (bang)? Or a whimper SCREAM? Let’s get this bitch started so we can all find out!
We open the show with a montage of past winners.
Stop rubbing this in my face!!!!
I am never not going to be bitter about that. NEVER. It’s interesting to relook at winners of previous years and wonder (thanks to the inside info from wcsdancer) what behind the scenes machinations were at work. Things that make you go hmmmm….
Next our top twenty retake the stage for mini moments with their original partners (except for Tiff and Chehon, so Witney and George appear together instead). Cat looks like a tall sparkly disco ball this evening.
Perhaps to match her dance choice? (SPOILER!)
Cat tells us we’re going to blow the roof off this place. There’s going to be lots for us to see tonight; reprises of past numbers, NEW group routines, and Carly Rae Jepsen. Because what season would be complete without at least ONE lip sync performance?
As is always the case on finale night, the judges’ table is packed. Less talking = more judges, but I’m not going to complain because DEBBIE ALLEN is back!!! I just LOVE her.
What the fuck is up with your hair, Debbie? Or rather, what is holding it up?
Of course Mary and Nigel are here, Lil C, DEBBIE, Adam Shankman, and fucking Sir BitchyPants. UGH. Now we have to look at his smug face all night. Blech. It’s like I can feel a Cyrus win coming on already.
When poinsettias attack!
Yikes! Thankfully her face is flooded with botox so it’s not likely anything else can get in there to hurt her.
We’re kicking off the dancing with a brand new group routine that apparently Nigel has already tweeted about. Twat. He truly believes that this is the best group dance in the history of everdom. Shut up you idiot, no one cares what you think.
He also gives a shout out to their Emmy winning (or is that wimmy minning?) lighting department. WHO CARES????? BIG snub this year no choreography as Smash’s choreographer takes the win. You notice how Nigel doesn’t mention that one!
He disguises THE finger with “fingers crossed”. Yeah, we all know what he really meant.