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Tuesday, December 4, 2012
8:07 pm
40 Comments
Later that day, Slo Jo sits with his mom while Isaac plays in a pool. (See Chelsea, buy Aubree a little pool and she’ll wash her own hair.) Slo Jo tells her that it was the same mediator as before and that he didn’t want to hear what Slo Jo had to say. His mom doesn’t know if it’s worth going to trial and Slo Jo says that maybe it will end up being a good thing. Yeah, Jo… more free time… for your parents.
This is my Popeye face, yo.
This is my Basketball Wives face.
Kailyn is home without Isaac and is worrying about Slo Jo taking her to court. He calls and she desperately asks, “Are you mad at me”? He says he is a little, but he’s just fking around with her head to keep her guessing. I hate passively, mean people. Oh, hell, I hate most people.
He comes over later on to drop off Isaac and go over the schedule. They agree to a schedule but Slo Jo doesn’t take either of his ear buds out, EVEN WHILE THEY ARE SITTING THERE TALKING. This would make me insane. He tells her that she’s being selfish, but he goes back and forth from being nice to being a douche…
What did you say? I can’t hear you over my rap.
Nevermind.
The upside is that Isaac is loved. The downside is that Kailyn wants some of that love and it’s not happenin’.
Chelsea and Erika meet up because Chelsea is stressed out about her GED practice test and because Adam won’t talk to her. Erika says it’s not fair that Adam won’t talk to her and Chelsea says she can always feel it when Adam is about to break up with her. (Can’t we all feel it?) Erika has a surprise to lift Chelsea’s spirits and wow, what do you know, it’s another concert… but this time it’s Dierks Bentley. (Never heard of him, sorry Dierks.) The concert is Sunday night, and Chelsea’s GED practice test is Monday morning… but not to worry, she’ll get her dad to drive them all in his RV (this man has everything) and she’ll study on the way to the concert. Chelsea says she needs adult time. Perfect!
I’m thinking about piercing my other eye.
Why aren’t we talking about Adam?
It’s the day of the Dierks Bentley concert and while she’s dropping Aubree off she tells her mom about her plan to study for the GED practice test on the way there. Their next subject is Adam and what’s going on with them. Chelsea doesn’t know and she hasn’t heard from him, but that the whole promise ring thing seems to be a ruse. Who saw that coming? I was positive he had changed.
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You know, drug dealers doing 25-30 in prison with a 4th grade education can get their GEDs – WHAT is this broad’s problem? You know, besides being a spoiled dumbass brat? And what exactly does she have on her father that he indulges her in all of her BS? I mean, really…
I noticed Leah’s new car, too. And I didn’t realize that randomly friending people on FB was a way to hook up now adays. I guess I’m just too old.
Oh, Barb! I too don’t understand why you blame everything on Jenelle – I mean, it wasn’t her fault that she failed 2 drug tests. She would have passed if Kesha was there to help her study up.
Obviously Leah isn’t watching Catfish…
I broke a record for screaming at the tv tonight every time janelle was on my screen. How exactly is itBarb’s fault that she failed two drug tests? Her lawyer finally seems over all of her shit. Bout time.
Chelsea doesn’t know the status of her and Adam? Really? You’re not speaking and he moved his stuff out your house…i hear wedding bells. Who’s dumber. Chelsea or her Mom? The scenes between them Are painful to watch.
I heart your captions so much!
I love your recaps and I love this format (by the mom rather than chronologically)!
Not going to waste my breath on Jenelle this week. Btw she got married to the guy she’s dated for 2 months after breaking off her last engagement. I think she’s headed for a worse fate than Amber Portwood (I’ll be happily surprised if I’m wrong). Barb has more patience than I do, it would have already gotten physical between she and I. (oh wait, they have fought before haven’t they?). But the locks would have been changed for sure.
Chelsea is mind numbingly stupid. And it seems like she’s accepted that. Like she has no control in the situation with Adam. ‘well when he wants to hang out we will, even though I know it’ll end up with him being mean and leaving me again.’ She really acts as though she doesn’t have a brain in her head.
I wonder what the more competent teen moms honestly think of Jenelle, Chelsea and Amber.
What the hell was the University of Charleston rep wearing? A button down shirt under a strapless dress? That ish was horrid! I think Randy wants desperately to be a teenage girl…..seriously he needs a set of balls when it comes to his dumb as rocks daughter.
leah sure did look better after getting rid of that horrible fried bleach color. She should go to Community College and get a one year nursing diploma (like I did) that would make more sense. Janelle and Barb are so toxic for each other. If those two would be involved in a murder/suicide, it would shock me at all
I cringed when I saw Chelsea and her friend riding in the RV. I know its fun and all, but so not safe. Back in my high school days a bunch of us decided that would be fun for a prom date ride (a responsible adult was driving too). We we in an accident that left 2 of my friends dead. Anyway … I am a fan of seatbelts, which Leah doesn’t seem to know much about, but suprisingly Jenelle figures out it’s usage once in awhile.
I remember the feather craze from last year, except where I live most people only had one or two in at once. Maybe there was a shortage in feathers or something … I mean Chelsea and Jenelle seem to have quite the surplus.
Your recaps are freaking hilarious! The last page had me spitting gatorade all over my laptop because I was laughing so hard.
I wonder if Barb is getting counseling. She seems to be so much calmer this season when dealing with Jenelle.
I guess Dierks Bentley is no Ke$ha.
Dierks Bentley is a country singer. He sings a great song call 5-1-5-0.
Poor Kail. I wish she could get over her love for Jo. That would make things so much easier for her. But I do think that she should have been granted weekends. Most Dads I know get one weekday and then every other weekend.
I wish the people would adjust my requirements for grad school. Maybe I should get preggers and get on a show so I can not even meet the minimum requirements for school and get a NEW CAR!!!! (every time I read that I thought of the Price is Right)
I too think that Goggles is one of the cutest babies on my tv. I legit laughed out loud (and not in the same way i normally laugh at this mess) when she was shrieking “di-yap! di-yap!”
On the other hand, Not Goggles is Not Cute. At all. She has that same Children of the Corn look in her eyes that Leah has.
I tired to count the contradictions in this episode but lost count after getting to triple digits before the first commercial.
Universtiy of Charleston – we will take anybody – seriously anybody… WOW a horrifying blow to higher education – wonder how the PR dept @ “UC” feels about this. Plus if I heard correctly they are requiring Leah to go full time – the only thing ANY of the TM’s do full time is cash MTV paychecks so we all know how this will end. I also call Hippo-Crit on Leah as she is sportin a shiny new KIA Sorrento – now if Corey would have just fucked somebody 3 days before the wedding we would be all even Steven!
OK if y’all want to take absurdity to another level (and I know you do) they have this “after show” for Teen Mom which is on the following day (makes perfect sense) and it was where all the TM’s assemble to be interviewed by this awful interviewer – my dog could do a better job. But anyway when they are in the “hot seat” they stumble and bumble and say even more redic things. If you feel the need to scream at your TV (like me) tune in….
@tlondon – i might have to steal Goggles and Non Goggles… i’m sorry, it’s just too good…
jenelle, oddly, (since she’s either on her honeymoon or in herion rehab) just retweeted this recap… i thanked her for having a sense of humor… but mainly bc i got scared she was sending people to find me and scream at me.
@considerthis – i’m watching “The Closer Look” right now… i recorded it but didn’t watch it until now… it’s so awkward. but chelsea is a much better brunette… but it’s bizarre bc i suppose they taped it right after they taped the season… bc everyone is talking about past stuff… i’m lost. Hey, they just came back from commercial and said “Jenelle had to step back stage for a moment”… haha… is she shooting up? I NEED INFO LITTLE CHINESE LADY.
And another thing…
Janelle did not miss Jace she missed electricity as you could see her mid-rant unpluggong and carefully wrapping up her cell phone charger and she missed clean clothes and whatever else she could scoop up (steal from) at Barb’s house but she did not miss that darling but traumitized little boy.
WTF is a “master” at a mediation hearing? Is this mediation or masochism? 50 Shades of Kail. BIZZARO
The Get the Fuck Off My TV moment this week goes to Slo-Jo. The earbuds in while driving is VERY dangerous and especially with Issac in the car but having them in while Kail is trying to talk is to the level of a 5 year old covering their ears and say “BLAH BLAH BLAH – I can’t hear you”. If I were Kail I would have started using hand gestures to communicate with Jo-Jo the clown.
@tlondon-Goggles and Not Goggles is one of the best things I’ve ever heard. Ever. I’m really considering quitting this show and only reading the recaps. (Which are amazeballs by the way!) I just can’t take it anymore, I’m getting concerned for my mental health. This show makes me go around the bend. My poor best friend gets a barrage of about 20 texts during the hour I’m watching this shit. I legit lose it. I was catching up on the show on Sunday morning and went full nanas at the tv. Mr flipflop woke up in a sheer panic yelling what’s happening? What’s going on? Are you ok? Is everything ok? I’m all No. No, it’s not ok. Janelle just told her lawyer that she wants to put off her jail sentence to go to fucking Ke$ha. Needless to say I got a lot of Really? You woke me up for that bullshit. I just can’t with this show anymore. I will go into full on cardiac arrest. I weep for humanity while I watch this show.
niknakflipflop- I feel your pain. These girls are just too ridiulous to watch and every episode ends with depressing music and a pathetic montage of the girls in their various self-constructed horrible situations. I can’t even justify watching this show….my fiance sat through through five minutes of it and had to leave the room…..it has become a waste of an hour! (especially the nonsense from Chelsea and Jenelle……I just can’t tolerate these two)
And knowing what we are seeing was filmed soooo long ago does not help..
My heart goes out to Kailyn.
Jenelle is a waste of air and should stop messing with Jace and just stay away. He broke my heart crying like that for her.
Chelsea and Leah seem to be cut from the same mold. Everything will be fine only if they’re with someone.
You can’t really compare Kesha and Dierks Bentley because their music is completely different. I prefer Kesha, because I don’t like country music.
If you \can feel\ when someone is going to break up with you more than once, then that person is breaking up with you TOO MUCH. This along with \wish that mommy and daddy stay together\ in front of a crowded room – is Chelsea missing the gene that allows you to feel humiliation? Whenever she’s on my screen I feel like my brain is going through that drug commercial with Rachel Leigh Cook.
You forgot the golden line of the episode – Jo is not the standard. He raises the bar. How so? With your own pla….no. Wait, the gainful rap caree….oh, not that either. I got it! The care you provide your son…..with heavy reliance on your parents. Ah, you think about that one and get back to me.
@judgy – you’re right… i totally forgot that line… and i even had a pic of the subtitle saying that and i still missed it… i like to keep my bar low… minimizes people’s expectations.
rubbing my head– so Leah to maintain her financial aid must go to school full-time???sigh……..when is the betting pool starting on when she drops out??? Altho Im sure MTV is messing with us–with the amount of $$ she has made how would she qualify????
ok-holstering my bitchy and back to reading
Lordy–my cap code is……people like me
Is Chelsea confusing her GED with a doctoral dissertation????? Not supposed to take so long Toots.
@ 8 Classy– congrats on on grad school hon!!!! Am writing my thesis at present. I should probably thank Chelsea for keeping me on kind of schedule.
If Hoarders or at the least CPS doesnt come a’knockin’ or Coery’s door I’d be surprised. Does he live with guys or with his parents???
@classy – you definitely should get pregnant if you’re still in school… Obama is giving every pregnant student A NEW CAR!!!!! Yay for you…
@hotcawfee – corey lives alone in their old rundown trailer… and clearly Leah got the dust buster in the divorce… i want to tell him if he wraps duct tape, inside out, around his shoes, he could walk around and pick up all the food… (it’s how i clean when i’m bored.)
I just found out that Slo Jo’s rap name is NICK-B (Nerd in a cool kid’s body). He really has raised the bar.
Ali dipping the fries and then stuffing them into her mouth totally melted my heart.
Ahh I want to steal that baby so much and keep her for my own.
With her chubby little arms and legs and her cute little glasses.
And again, maybe it’s my own bias because I like Leah, but I’m proud of her for going back to school. I think she will stick with it too, unless something happens with the girls that makes her less able to. Which is what happened with her job. And about her getting in despite the test, that’s not that uncommon….when I was applying to college, I did get into schools where my SATs were under their set bar. If you have something else compelling to push you over (GPA, recommendations, ethnicity, extra-curriculars, interview, alumni connection, rich ass parents who will donate, etc.), the standardized tests are not that important. In Leah’s case, I guess it was the show. Although I’ve never seen anything where you take the test, submit it, get it graded, get your application considered and get accepted all in one day.
Now that’s the unbelievable shit about the whole situation.
Jo’s “I’m not the standard, I raise the bar” bullshit made me so angry.
I wish Kailyn had rolled up the window and squished his head in there instead of starting to cry, so he would feel as ridiculous as he sounded. Asshat.
And he was fighting the mediation for no damn reason. There is no downside to only having Isaac every other weekend, because he pretty much only spends every other weekend with him anyway. At least this way, his parents also get weekends off. He just didn’t want Kailyn to have what she wanted, even though he gets everything he wants all the time and never has to work for it.
I think Chelsea’s mom has lost weight. Her face looks smaller to me.
And it makes me upset that her parents never tell her to get it together. Instead of encouraging Adam talk, her mom needed to be telling her to kick him to curb for once and for all. And her dad was just driving her to the concert even though she wasn’t studying, and he knew she wasn’t studying. He needed to pull over to the side of the road and threaten not to move the RV unless she cracked that damn book. Yeah, it’s embarrassing to treat her like a ten year old in front of her friends, but since that’s pretty much her mental age, it’s acceptable.
Tori is fucking insane. That’s $10,000 that she just bet on a fair weather mooch with serious mental problems and a personality disorder to boot.
I would legitimately sign a bond for Satan before I signed one for Jenelle.
At least Satan understands the important of honoring a contract.
And in the aftershow, she is so full of shit. She said that when she saw Jace crying for her on the tape, she broke down in tears. If she did cry, maybe it was because she suddenly discovered that smoked up all her good shit and that there was no more. Because Jenelle would never shed a tear on behalf of that child, and even while talking about it, her voice was flat and dead.
And can we discuss Barb? I am loving the new Barb. I used to think she was crazy as fuck, but Barb clearly got counseling or hypnosis or Prozac or something. The way she stayed calm and told Jenelle not to scream for Jace’s sake made me so proud of her. Leaps and bounds from the Barb screaming at Janelle for going to be with her BUOOYYYFRIENDDDDDD. Whatever Barb is on, she needs to start slipping some to Jenelle’s crazy ass.
Su Chin Park is pretty bad, but better than Dr. Drew.
Yes Obama is definitely giving out new cars.
It’s part of the special gift package that was given to all black voters and female voters.
I didn’t get one though. Maybe if I get pregnant…
Between the obviously contaminated gene pool, and witnessing firsthand that his mother functions at the speed of stupid, Jace has already scheduled his vasectomy. Teen Mom can help prevent teen pregnancy after all.
Goggles and not goggles is the best thing that has ever happened to me today.
I don’t know why exactly, but not goggles reminds me of the Great Gazoo, which makes me want to call her not gazoogles.
Your recaps are great, and peanut butter and palmetto bug hair made me laugh out loud for real. Chelsea’s mom reminds me of Vicki Lawrence, without the feathers. Those f-ing feathers make me wish Aubrey had been given a sling shot instead of a Jeepy for her birthday. Oh, and Jo. is. a. douche.
@ BedHeadJen – “Goggles and not goggles is the best thing that has ever happened to me today.
I don’t know why exactly, but not goggles reminds me of the Great Gazoo, which makes me want to call her not gazoogles.” And THAT is the best thing that happened to me today. Thanks for that. Goggles and Gazoogles. Priceless.
So after watching the episode and reading this hilarious recap I googled whether or not Leah finished nursing school, and I came across this photo…http://www.wetpaint.com/teen-mom/articles/did-leah-messer-finish-nursing-school
Goggles looks awesome in this picture! Non-goggles looks sad and confused, goggles is by far my favorite and probably the most intelligent person on this show. Leah overall is starting to grow on me a bit, only because the other cast members (besides Kailyn) makes her look like a saint.
Kailyn has her shit together and it is commendable, but everytime her segment comes on I just use it as an opportunity to refill my wine glass. She needs to move on to better things, and disassociate her self with Teen Mom or MTV for the better.
Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea…I don’t even know where to start with this chick. I thought it was impossible, but I think her hair bleach has seeped further and further into her brain and has diminished any cognitive abilities she MIGHT have had before season 1.
Jenelle is a such a waste of human flesh. My heart broke when I saw Jace crying, but I am really happy that he has Barb in his life. I don’t know why, but I have always liked Barb. Maybe it is the hilarious ways she pronounces words, or maybe it’s because she seems to legitimately care and love that little boy.
Did anyone else notice that Barb called Kesha “Kesher” instead? I don’t know why but that cracked me up. Cheers!
Instead of watch Ke$ha all day Janelle why not try watching Jace….
I’m watching the after show and two things hit me…. Leah is pregnant and she had her arms over her stomach the whole time, and they never addressed it. And all these reports of janelle doing heroin are surfacing, so I was watching her trying to decide if she looked messed up. She seemed ok, but then after the last commercial break she wasn’t there bc she ‘was feeling sick.’ Hmmmmmm…
Oh and @chaosbutterfly, if you are not already a recapper for this site you should be.
@Madelyne27 You were born to recap this show! I had to take so many ROFL breaks to put Kleenex on my eyes I didn’t even notice my pain pill had kicked in till it was too late and I was already typing.
I want to support Leah’s decision to give back to her community by donating some of her MTV $ to the school. You know they need it bad. Since they’re beyond worrying about their academic reputation. And about all they get from the mine owner is sportsball suits.
But then I keep thinking about what if 1 day you woke up and found out you and everybody else just survived a plane wreck that happened right when it was taking a detour over West Virginia because of airway construction.
But luckily all of your injuries have a 100% recovery rate. As long as they get good treatment from a smart nurse. Then you open your eyes and at 1st you think it’s just a hallucinated panda bear with a blonde wig on. But when everything comes into focus you see it’s Leah.
Jenelle and Barb are both batshit crazy
I hope this doesn’t count as going back on my pledge again. Since it’s not about them exactly. But some places in the USA won’t let you bail somebody out unless you can prove you own a house. And have enough of it paid off so when the person you’re bailing out’s court date slips their mind. On account of the event calendar app on their phone was just a beta their intern was supposed to upgrade but didn’t. So their court date not only got mixed up with the day after their vacay was supposed to start. But also their whole vacay got moved up with their flight changed and everything. And they end up accidentally being in Wakatobi instead of court that day, the city’ll be able to get their whole $10K or whatever it was instead of just a piece of paper saying now they’re the 1s that owe the mortgage company.
@catherine – i wondered the same thing about jenelle not being available after the “break”…
and yes, @chaos… she needs a recap… just not mine… unless she wants Basketball Wives LA… bc i’m still struggling this week.
@kthxbai – did you steal my meds? bc you made perfect sense to me… minus all the words…
@Madelyne27: “Chelsea says she can always feel it when Adam is about to break up with her. (Can’t we all feel it?)”
We sure can. It’s even got a name now. Sometimes we call it “day before yesterday” and other times we just say “day after tomorrow.”
@Mere2142: “Who’s dumber. Chelsea or her Mom?”
I heard so many people were asking this in their philosophy class that 1 of the teachers finally wrote off to Stephen Hawking to ask him. And 5 min later got a text back that said “half a box of hair“
Thanks for the well wishes on school…I need to tweet the President so I can find out exact when do we get our gifts that were promised.
I guess b/c of the bailout many of will get new American cars.
Not sure why Chelsea’s Mom and Dad don’t get onto her about school. Let her fuck Adam as long as she wants but don’t let her be a stupid girl about a boy and school. Goodness the girl WILL have to work some day. As you can see from the Original Teen Mom they aren’t going to keep you guys on the MTV teet much longer.
@JudgyWudgy “the golden line of the episode – Jo is not the standard. He raises the bar.”
If @Madelyne27 is taking my same pills then I bet what happened isn’t like forgetting so much as your brain feeling so disrespected it spits those words out and makes a face.
On the positive side I kind of got the feeling that Janet’s moved on. Which is good because in case anybody just started watching, you can tell Slo Jo gives the same 0 fucks as he did in the 1st episode of his 16 & Pregnant. But what you might not know is that getting a check’s not the Number 1 reason he signed his MTV release in the 1st place.
Slo Jo and Ryan from Teen Mom OG have got some other things in common too.
1) Both of their parents aren’t that bad off. Of the 2 families Janet and Eddie (Slo Jo’s mom and dad) have a little bit more $ though. (BTW that wasn’t Slo Jo’s dad Eddie that took Isaac at the door. That was his brother Eddie. Which isn’t really confusing. It just sounds that way in English. But that’s a different tangent)
So neither 1 of their families needed a check bad enough to do like most of them. And tell their son they don’t give a fuck if he never wants to see her skanky ass again, much less have anything to do with her brat. When the camera crew gets to that girl’s house they will find him there with her playing xbox while she cries. And go “ughh” once in a while to show they got taught to have some kind of work ethic.
2) In both Ryan and Slo Jo’s cases the only reason we even know their names is because both of their moms wanted a grandbaby so bad.
3) When it comes to living arrangements, both of them keep old ways. Meaning kids don’t move out when they grow up. Specially sons. Even if they get married and have kids. They keep living in their parent’s house and raise them there.
That’s how come it’s so taken for granted that Ryan and Slo Jo keep on living at home.
And it’s also how come both Janet and whatsherbutt (Ryan’s mom) would keep hanging onto this fantasy that their sons would get back together with their baby mama and they’d all live together as a united family.
But we know Kailyn’s already married somebody else. That she’s been with for longer than she was ever with Slo Jo BTW. If Javi ever wants to adopt Isaac it’d get Slo Jo off the hook. But also end Janet’s dream. At least till he or his brother knocks somebody else up.
Bald Eddie is SloJo’s dad, Afro Eddie, also known as Junior, is SloJo’s brother…..that dude was SloJo’s dad at the door. I like Kailyn….she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I hope she teaches the little guy a lot more than she was taught by her own parents.
@SarahRita…..cute pic! Ali is straight WORKING IT LIKE A BOSS! I love her sungoggles.
I wonder if Barb dressed up like Kesha, if Janelle would pay her and Jace any attention? Maybe Barb and Jace should wear feathers like Chel’s mom? She is soooooooo cool. NOT
Ugh Leah, whyyyyyy on earth is she having another kid? The twins she has now need her attention more than ever, and shame on that new hubby of hers to not recognize that either. But, he needs to continue his blood line! BUT, GOD FORBID COREY GET A TRUCK!!!!!! OMG
Jo raises the barf.
@Ayldt-
Search for the picture of Alan Cumming as the Great Gazoo. Looks just like her.
@Mrngstar I thought AfrEddie got his shaved too. Or did I throw them backwards on the floor? At least nice people like you will come fix it when that happens. Thanks!
@Madelyne27 explained it so good. Everything I type always makes sense. The words are the only problematic part. Thanks for understanding.
how is janelle gonna make those $200 a month bail payments?? And what was with the lady at the college wearing a sundress over a button down shirt???
what I wanna know, is what kind of a Three Ring Circus is the Criminal Justice system over there where Janelle lives? This is the order of events:
1. Blatantly break probation by smoking weed
2. Tell your PO and the Judge to go fuck themselves, cuz OMG KESHA!!
3. Get arrested, finally (via a special home pee test, no less)
4. Actually get a bond (no staying there for a few days, no hold, just *boom* GET OUT)
5. Get a Bail bonding company that gets you out first, THEN you pay them? WTF?
6. $200 a month payment plan.
I work in the Criminal Justice system and I can tell you where I work, numbers 2-6 would never happen. You’d go to jail for a few weeks till you see a judge and your Probation officer. Laterz Jenelle!
I know I’m waaaaaay late to this, but I just realized I didn’t read all the comments after mine on this recap.
@kthxbai, you’re totally right, I do see similarities between Jo and Ryan. Although I feel a little differently about two things. I think both Ryan and Jo’s involvement in their child’s life would be drastically reduced if it weren’t for the insistence of their parents; HOWEVER, for whatever reason I just get that Jo’s ever so slightly more genuinely interested in Isaac than Ryan is in Bentley. I STILL feel like if Ryan saw the gate to full freedom open a little bit, we’d see a man(child)-shaped cloud where he used to be. In relation, I don’t necessarily get the feeling that Janet desperately wanted a grandbaby, she just did the right thing because she seems like a genuinely good person (coddling aside). Ryan’s mom just skeeves me out, the way she passive-aggressively acts like a mean high school girl when Ryan suggests doing things behind Maci’s back and she gleefully smiles along. Yuck.
Basically, I think Janet and Jo are Diet Jen (is that her name?) and Ryan.