Teen Mom 2 Recap: Season 3 Premiere

Teen Mom

By Madelyne27 | Friday, November 30, 2012 | 10:59 am | 19 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Teen Mom

I think I’d be a great child care provider… you don’t do background checks, or watch TV, do you? 

 So, you gave up custody of your son because of drugs, but you’re organized? Perfect.

Chelsea pretends to be studying for her GED when her friend stops by for a chat. They say they should chat outside to clear her head, but I will assume that’s code for smoking. She tells her friend that she and Adam are going slow, and her friend says that Adam creeps her out and makes her very nervous.

 (“I wonder what GED stand for; I hope it’s not on the test.”)

Kailyn and Mark get together to watch Joe’s first YouTube video. He’s a rapper, yo. There’s a hot chick in the video and Kailyn’s all “what’s the first thing you think when you see her face?” and I’m praying she doesn’t think that the girl looks like her… because she doesn’t. At all. They talk about the girl and what she’s read on-line about this girl, V. (Really, I write three recaps, and two of the shows have people named V.) Kailyn bores me. I have a lot of respect for her work ethic and strong parenting skills… but ZZZzzzzz.

 Just look at this chick…

 …it’s like looking into a mirror. (At a fun house.)

Leah and Ali meet with Ali’s physical therapist. Ali is doing just great, for a kid with no syndrome, that’s very clearly a syndrome. They teach her how to roll over. My dog can’t even do that… and he doesn’t wear glasses. Maybe Ali is just fine. Aleeah is in the scene too, but only for a second because Leah needs to start texting Corey to continue to make this all about her. She cries and says she’s lost 50 pounds since he left. (Hey Corey, come to my house and then break up with me… I could use the weight loss.)

 Pssst… Leah, you have twins… where is the other one?

 Oops, I lost Aleeah again. And 50 pounds.

Jenelle and her friend get home from the beach and Barbara wants to help give Jace a bath. They don’t see eye to eye on how to rinse sand off a kid and Jenelle goes batsht crazy and starts screaming and cursing at her mom. It’s so awful to watch Jace as he stands there and hears it all… it’s so wonderful to watch the choo-choo train that is Jenelle… because we all know it crashes. A lot. Jenelle’s friend sits there wishing she were getting high with her non-MTV friends and eventually the two girls just leave.

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Madelyne27

It's never too soon. It's never too far. And it's never the wrong time.

19 Comments

  1. 1
    Catherine
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

    So glad you are recapping this show, because I seriously couldn’t handle the latest episode. I was yelling at my tv.

  2. 2
    Madelyne27
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Thanks. The Ke$ha scene will probs go down as the greatest moment ever. I’m writing up Ep 2 as fast as I can so I can get to Ep 3.

  3. 3
    mere2142
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

    So happy to have this recapped! We were just discussing it in the Catfish thread. I think the whole Kesha thing stunned all of us. It was a new low, even for Janelle!

  4. 4
    Madelyne27
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Would y’all prefer I recap it by character, or by scene? I always do it by scene, but I’ve seen other cappers do it by mom. Let me know.

  5. 5
    considerthis
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Hooray 4 the recap!
    Since we last left our Teen Moms not much has changed…

    Leah has been overtaken by aqua net, peroxide and pounds of make-up toxicity to the point where sleeping with (for the SECOND time) your ex boyfriend 3 days before your wedding is a minor tiff in a marriage vs. wanting a truck is a deal breaker. Granted that “house” should be converted into a hazmat dump but this spin Teem Mom is trying to do with Leah is rediculous. She sleeps around ALOT and that the trust issue with her was too much for Corey to deal with (again) and she FILED first that is what really happened MTV. Please end the story line about “poor Leah” dumped and dismayed single mom – she made/laid her bed no move on.

    Still no GED for Chelsea – stunned!

    The re-mix/rap MTV does with Barbara is the best most entertaining thing to come out of the Janelle storyline EVER.

    I have seen better videos shot by 7 year olds – Jo go back to sponging off your parents – at least you have a talent for that.

  6. 6
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Great recap! More snark and less sap is always the way to my heart, alas I know Jenelle is perfect fodder for mini masters theses full of amateur psychoanalysis. I also favor recaps in the chronological order the episode happened, but let the unpaid recapper choose her preference!

  7. 7
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    100% agree considerthis. Leah left Corey once for her ex then cheated on him before the marriage. If I was Corey I wouldn’t go back to that bish either.

    My heart hurts every time I see the twins on screen.

    I prefer by Mom but do the recap that best suits your style.

  8. 8
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Everytime Leah says anything that deviates from co parenting their girls Corey should respond with. “I’d rather not talk about that woman who fucked Robbie while married to me, let’s talk about the girls.”

    Barbs back! Yay!

  9. 9
    Chicken Lips
    Posted November 30, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Nobody understands! Ke$ha is Jen€lle’s idol! Why do you think she started spelling her name with a Euro symbol?

    Can’t wait for the Epi 3 recap because that scene right there is just another precious chunk of reality TV gold!

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 1:18 am

    You guys are some insensitive bitches.
    Jenelle got feathers put in her hair.
    Feathers goddamnit. It’s not like they just fall out of the sky. Or like you can manufacture them for half a cent in China. This is some seriously deep shit we’re talking about here…it signifies a deep connection. Not just any girl at the mall can get feathers put in her hair. You have to be special for that.
    And you all expect her to just go off to jail. With feathers in her hair.
    The gall.

    To be fair, Ali Simms isn’t retarded. She has some issues with her physical development, but I wouldn’t call her retarded, especially because she seems to be hitting her verbal, mental and emotional markers just fine.But also to be fair, I’m kind of obsessed with her and her little chubby cheeks and her cute little eyes so I’m biased. Omg she is so cute, I want to steal her away.

    I feel sorry for Chelsea. She’s always humiliating herself. Why the fuck is she so pressed over Adam? And she needs to just stop with the GED. If it hasn’t happened in the 34502492424 years that we’ve known her, it’s never going to happen. I’ve never seen anyone have to study so damn hard for such an easy test. You’d think she was taking the MCAT or some shit, I mean damn.
    And why do all of her friends have like seven kids each. That town needs a Y or something, so the teens can go play chess or swim or workout or put on recreations of masterpiece theatre or maybe even do something completely crazy like have sex education classes. Pretty much do anything but have unprotected sex all willy nilly.
    I think Aubrey (I will not indulge Chelsea’s spelling fuckery) is adorbs.

  11. 11
    Catherine
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 6:18 am

    @chaosbutterfly I though the same thing about all of Chelsea’s friends w kids. Wtf is in the water out there? I’m 32 with a 3 year old and only have two friends with kids!

  12. 12
    TurtleGirl93 TurtleGirl93
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 8:37 am

    @chaosbutterfly, LMAO. I love, love, love your feathers commentary. Thank you for making my morning.

  13. 13
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 9:08 am

    I lived and worked in Sioux Falls (about an hour north of where Chelsea’s from and where she currently lives) for two years and I made it out without child! It must be the same ailment that prevents her from getting her GED for NO REASON.

  14. 14
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 10:08 am

    @Madelyne27 when I saw you were doing this show it was like 1 of those movie scenes where the clouds part and light comes out and a mess of angels go “AHHHHHHH.”

    I can’t wait for the Ke$ha episode recap! How excited are you getting to recap 1 of the Greatest Moments in the history of TV?

    Do you have a Facebook? here’s mine if anybody wants to click my head

  15. 15
    darlingclementine
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I have some friends that watch this show religiously (I just watch reruns) and I ask them for live updates or a quick rundown after they watch. They always say the same thing about Chelsea (working on her GED so it looks like she is doing well!) and I am always like hasnt she been doing that forever?? They still seem to think it means she is doing well though so I guess her little gimmick still seems to be working.

    LOL at “you would think she was studying for the MCAT or something”. So true. I know people who studying for the MCAT in less time than she has been for the GED. Although they were actually studying not just pretending.

  16. 16
    Liz
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I am dying to talk about the third episode. Agree 9000% with the Leah commentary. She’s mad that he didn’t want to work on the relationship and that after they split he got a truck? Seriously? Want to smack her in the face.

    Actually, they’re all pissing me off at this point. Chelsea and her ridiculata thinking things will magically change because she wants them to, Leah blaming Corey for her cheating on him, twice, and Kailyn wanting to be with Jo and settling on Jordan. Like, damn girls.

  17. 17
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Corey didn’t have any business thinking about trucks when his babies didn’t have a safe place to get washed.

    He should’ve been the 1 to buy the trailer. Not her parents. He should’ve paid for it on the way to the divorce lawyer.

  18. 18
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    You know— I think Jenelle would really be awesome on Survivor–the deprivation would be good for her. And she can get out alot of aggression.

    @ 10 Chaos—- I noticed that about Chelsea’s friends—that is sooooome fertile town. Hell my bro and sis-in-law would have saved a fortune in fertility drugs had they moved to Chel’s town.
    And I am hopinghopinghoping that Chelsea will clean her mirror and take a good look—her hair is awful and I haven’t seen so much cakey mascara till found an old tube in my gramma’s bathroom cabinet from years back!!
    But again— Chelsea’s problem is that her fat ass needs to be kicked. Adam is a loser and likes to screw her around, screw her over, screw with her head. I think Dr Dad needs to kick his ass and get rid of him.

    I think Leah’s problem is that she wants constant praise, permission and accolade for having the twins. Funny thing ’bout kids is that ther IS a chance you may have a special needs kids—-it sucks that it happens but its the life you have chosen. Put on your Big Girl underwear—I think Jenelle would hand this situation fine. Truly.

  19. 19
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Chelsea has a new crop of friends each season so I’m beginning to think once ones start seeing through her game and talking sense she gets rid of them. This was made apparent when she did a final backcomb to her rat’s nest and asked her newest friend, “Is that good enough?” and the friend responded with a blank stare and nod. I wouldn’t hold my breath on her wisening up anytime soon.

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