Gary muses about getting a job, but you know, he’s so busy what with being a parent that he just doesn’t have time for a job. Go say that to a camera that isn’t showing this to a woman who is both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. Cry your river over THERE, please. Thanks.
How did two such desperate looking people make such a beautiful little girl? I’m so sad that one day she’ll probably follow in her parents’ footsteps to becoming a pathetic troll in 10-15 years.
Catelynn and Tyler are on the phone with Carly’s adoptive parents, Brandon and Theresa. They talk to Carly about the gifts they sent to her and they’re all excited to hear her talk. This is boring the shit out of me. I really do love these two, but let’s be real. I wouldn’t watch a show about my friends – they’re my friends because they aren’t overly dramatic idiots. I want to watch people I can’t stand so I can laugh at their misfortune.
I just wanted to point out to you that the Mayans very well may have been correct. There is a Katy Perry movie in 3D. No, she’s not acting in a movie and starring in it. This is a movie about her, like “Truth or Dare” minus talent, 200+ super-hot gays, and an audience that cares.
Farrah decides it’s a great idea to tell everyone on the planet about her change of plans with Sophia except for Sophia’s caregivers. She tells her sister Ashley over lunch and Ashley tells her it’s a grown-up decision she’s making. This would be true if I didn’t know the real reason behind her change of heart. It isn’t as valiant as it seems.
Bentley wants to go to daycare and asks his mommy to take him. She would rather have her iffy boyfriend take him to his first day of daycare. That sounds like a fantastic idea. You know, the first memory of daycare for you son will involve a guy he’ll barely ever remember and has no connection to his life other than through this show. I still think it’s hilarious that the kid is going to daycare, meanwhile he doesn’t have a parental figure with a job.
Amber calls Seasons to find out if she can bring her meds with her. She also wants her own room because of her anger problems. What if she punches someone?! She’ll go back to prison! How about calming the fuck down? Krystal points out that it’s not like she’s going to be coming down off of drugs and Amber retorts, “Well, in a sense, I AM. Wait! What are you talking about? This is all bullshit.” Whuuut? I’m confused. How hard is it to keep up the ruse that you’re not going to rehab for rehab purposes? You’d think someone so dramatic would be able to lie well.
I’m coming down off of dru…umming for Mötley Crüe. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Catelynn and Tyler are having a depressing celebration of Carly’s birthday without Carly. It’s really hard for me to make fun of these two. I’m just amazed at how mature and well-balanced they’ve both turned out what with being raised by the mullet twins.
Amber goes to see a Leah-less Gary so they can discuss what Leah will be up to while she’s in her 5-star rehab facility, soaking it up by the pool sipping virgin daiquiris. The first thing they do is pour some wine which Amber shoots back like it’s a glass of water and she’s just run a marathon in the deserts of Africa. Yeah, “anger management” eh?
The dynamic duo go out to sit on a porch swing which visibly flinches when their asses start to descend upon it. Amber’s worried about Gary dating while she’s gone. I wouldn’t worry about that opportunity presenting itself any time this century. Amber thinks his focus should all be on Leah. You know, he should be the same way with Leah as she was. So, be sure to curl up on the couch 24/7 under a blanket and get exasperated by Leah every time she requires attention. Amber comments that she just needs to “get (pause) buzzed.” (uncomfortable silence while they try to figure out how to skirt around this one) to which Gary slowly replies, “I’m about to drink some…um…water.” Amber defends the fact that she needs to get wasted because she’s really stressed out and dealing with a lot of issues right now. Gary pipes up that he’s so glad she’s getting the help she needs, because she’s so fucked up. Amber goes from “Why did you say that?” to “I’m about to punch you in your fucking face motherfucker” in 2.3 seconds and storms out. I have had a hard time blaming her for her behavior when she’s around Gary, but if this is how she is on camera she must be terrifying behind closed doors.