Back in the house that guilt built, Farrah tells Michael that she’d like to load some things so that they can get this thing going. Yep, that’s usually the way it works, Champ.
Ahhhh! So back-breaking, yet so rewarding.
She stands around bitching at her dad for not doing anything right while he does all the work. I know people like her and I effing hate them. I think Michael really needs a dose of the “fuckits”.
Back at Seasons, Amber calls Gary, which I’m sure is healthy. Gary tries to get Leah to talk to Amber on the phone, but she wants nothing to do with it. Let me guess…Leah’s afraid that if she says “Hi” to her mommy, she’ll think she said, “High” and then she’ll start calling her a “motherfucker” and scream that she’s in rehab for anger and not drugs.
Catelynn and Tyler arrive in NYC in a fancy hotel that you would never expect from two kids raised by the haggard version of Bud and Sissy. Catelynn reads texts between her and her mom, April. April’s strangely calm and decent about the whole thing. I highly doubt this will last. Kinda’ like her sobriety.
Amber’s tired of holding everything in and her new therapists asks why she does. “Because no one listens to me.” I wonder why. It’s certainly not because they can’t hear you.
GAR-EE, LIIIISTEN TO MEEEEE-UH!! WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO MEEEE-UH!?!?!
The therapist tells her that someone is going to listen now, so he asks her to think about her parents. She tells him that’s not happening, because they screwed her up real good. Amber opens up that when her brother tried to interfere when her parents would scream and fight, her dad would tell him “fuck you”. “And you’re doing it different with Leah, aren’t you?” says the oblivious therapist. Have you seen the first 3 seasons of Teen Mom, sir?
Amber cries out her fear that Leah will forget her. Don’t worry, Amber. You’ve already traumatized that poor child enough that you’re permanently emblazoned on her memory.
While Michael the Slave is driving the U-Haul to Florida, the ladies meet up at a restaurant and Farrah worries about a guilt trip. Oh don’t worry, you have a good three seconds before that even starts. Sophia tries to take the menu from Farrah while Farrah holds on for dear life. Sophia’s response is to give her mom a black eye and scream “shut up”. I’d normally find this abhorrent behavior in a child, but seeing as how it’s directed at Farrah I find I quite apt.
Debra orders the Farrah wine which has a strong…oh, screw it. I’d make a clever joke about how the wine tastes bitter and old, but I don’t know jack about wine.
Back in Malibu, Amber is taking cage fighting lessons that she can now put to use in the slammer. She tries out a flirting session with her trainer, but then he bursts her bubble when he tells her that he thinks she can’t recover from the crap she pulled in only 30 days. Whoops. You didn’t really think he found you attractive, did you?
Kyle and Maci are already arguing over who is picking up Bentley – Ryan or his parents. It’s a really simple and unnecessary argument that, of course, leads to Kyle being kicked out. Poor Bentley is at the door asking Kyle where he’s going. I used to think Maci wasn’t so bad, but it’s like a switch has been flipped this season and she’s just an apathetic pain in the ass. It seems that a big part of the criteria for consideration to be on this show is your inability to handle a simple argument with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house and break up all dramatically. Of course, “dramatic” for Maci, Ryan, and Kyle is like drama on Quaaludes. Maci tries to call Kyle and wonders why he doesn’t answer the phone. She has Bentley leave a voicemail for Kyle. That’s healthy. She’s surprised that Kyle is driving all the way back to Nashville and isn’t answering his phone. You screwed up, Kyle. Desperate women don’t ever kick you out or break up with you and MEAN it. You were supposed to be waiting on her doorstep with a bunch of handpicked flowers. Hellooooo!