Michael is getting ready to go home now that he’s completely moved Farrah and Sophia in. Michael mentions that the drive from Iowa was a bitch. I bet it wasn’t as big of a bitch as your daughter! BOOM! Michael wishes he didn’t have to leave, but Farrah is about to vomit at the idea of him staying. What? You don’t want him wiping your ass anymore? Please. I’m giving you two weeks before you start crying to your parents to handle your life for you again.
Farrah and Sophia high-tail it to the pet store before Michael’s ride rounds the bend. This should be good. All Farrah needs is another dog. She claims they’re there to look at fish, but she’s really there for dogs. Not that I think she could take care of fish, either. I have three and while they’re a lot less annoying and much more quiet than dogs, they still require a lot of money and care. I’m still impressed with myself for keeping three fish alive for over a year, so I know there’s no way in hell Farrah could keep one alive long enough to get home.
Petland, the puppy mill lovers, are all about selling a dog to this nimrod. Even after she tells the clerk that she got rid of her last dog because the damn dog wouldn’t potty train itself, they still sell her the dog. This disgusts me as I know that the SPCA would nix her application the moment those words came out of her mouth, no matter how needy the dog. Sophia clearly says she wants a fish over a dog, literally, 6 times. Farrah feigns worry that Sophia would try to take the fish out of the tank or knock it over. The victim is a precious little French Bulldog that I’ll be happy to take from her when she decides he’s not worth her time because he forgets to put the toilet seat down and refuses to get a job.
Welcome to the 7th circle of Hell.
Back in Michigan, Catelynn shows April the pictures of their visit with Carly. April handles it all shockingly well for her. This really can’t last. I hate to be so negative, but alcoholics are typically the most untrustworthy people on the planet. April tells Catelynn that she makes her proud and it’s really touching moment, heightened by all the cute doggies hopping on the bed. April apologizes for being a nut over the Carly situation. This is just too good to be true, but it’s about damn time April expresses pride in her daughter. I’m proud of the girl and I don’t even know her. Maybe watching herself on television woke her up a bit.
Tyler and Catelynn talk about graduation. Tyler says that they’re so lucky to have the opportunity to do what any kid graduating from high school should have the opportunity to do. To go to college, to start their lives, to accomplish something. Why don’t these two counsel the other idiot moms? You know, the ones that had life handed to them and rely 100% on their parents to take care of them.
Maci gets her gaggle of friends together so they can plan their recon in Florida. She tells the coven about her perceived competition, Dallas. How incredibly awkward is this trip going to be? The coven brings up the fact that Maci and Ryan’s maternity pictures are still plastered all over Ryan’s parents’ house which will most likely drive off the competition. I doubt it, Maci. I’m pretty sure Dallas watches this show which means she knows that anything would be a step up. Hell, my ass is a step up simply because it’s got less acne.
Gary calls Amber only to yell at Leah in the background. He calls Leah a cry-baby and whines that she cries over everything. She’s sitting in the floor eating cake. Maybe she wants a table and chair? Amber points out that the kid is only 2 and that’s probably the most sensible thing she’s ever said. Gary wants CPS to get out of their lives so Amber can help out with Leah. Yeah, because that violent household was so much better for Leah. It’s not like his mom isn’t there. He has a support system. He’s not taking care of Leah any more than any other stay-at-home parent. What a lazy slug. Welcome to life as a mom, dude. We do everything but get no appreciation. Amber’s so happy to see Leah, but isn’t sure she wants to see Gary. No kidding. I feel the same way.