Hey kids! It’s been a while, but we’re back with a new episode of Teen Mom. I know y’all can’t wait to hear Farrah’s grating voice and look at Maci’s Proactiv-sponsored face.
WARNING: MTV is taking it’s sweet time getting the videos up, so I’m having to scrounge for pics. The pics aren’t legit, but I couldn’t post a recap without pics.
It’s been one month since the snotty brat moved to Florida with Sophia, so it should only be a matter of days before she boxes up the kid and ships her back to Iowa. The dog nips Sophia and Farrah gets mad at Sophia for touching the dog. Oh, this is working out well already, because a 2 year old should know not to touch a dog. Again, age appropriate, people!!!
Farrah is planning to spend the weekend in Iowa to see her parents. This should be tons of fun to listen to her yell at her parents for no reason.
Debra calls on Skype, which makes Sophia antsy. Farrah’s response is to yell, “Give me a break” at her. Maybe she’s crying for help? Maybe she wants the hell away from you and is hoping that she can reach into the computer screen and instantly be back in Iowa? I wouldn’t blame her one bit. God, I cannot WAIT until she’s a teenager and all nasty to you the way you are to your parents. Debra asks Farrah if she’ll cook on the grill while she’s there which causes Farrah great exasperation. Of course. Why should SHE do anything? Her father only packed, drove, and unpacked her shit from Iowa to Florida all by himself. He doesn’t deserve anything in return.
You never do anything for me. Gawh! I hate you. Go move my shit back to Iowa.
Butch is out searching for a job, so Catelynn takes this opportunity of a Butch-less house to visit with her paternal grandma. Catelynn is planning a degree in early childhood education and social work. That’s very cool. Grandma is very proud of her grandbaby and I’m happy to hear at least one adult in Catelynn’s life say those words to her.
Dawn, the adoption counselor, calls to invite Catelynn and Tyler to a support group meeting with other people planning on choosing adoption. Tyler’s working, so she’s going to bring Grandma instead. I like Grandma – she’s a cool lady.
Maci tells us that she’s back from the spy-cation and that it was far more awkward than expected. Really? It didn’t seem any more awkward than I expected. Oh wait. I’m not a jealous, acne-riddled dipshit. I’m just a regular acne-riddled gal. Now that summer is moving along, she has to get ready to sign up for the next semester of classes. Kyle’s all excited to hear Bentley say “Kawasaki”. Not nearly as cool as my husband teaching our child to sing “Cold in the D”…
Amber meets with another counselor. I can’t tell what kind or what her name is, because Mtv has this ridiculous banner across the lower quarter of my screen telling me to call a 1-800 number about DirecTV possibly removing this channel. I’m already paying for the NFL Sunday Ticket, so it’s not like I’d notice a rate hike in my bill. It’s already way too high as it is.
Amber’s hair reminds me of the video for the Butthole Surfers’ “Who Was in My Room Last Night”. Way too much gel and hairspray. When are chicks going to learn that there really isn’t need for mass amounts of gel unless you’re scrunching…and that when scrunching, you’re supposed to “scrunch out the crunch”? I used to go to school with girls who would gel the holy shit out of their hair, slick it all to one side, and let it dry from wet. It was ridiculous.
Amber feels she’s really changed. She thinks she is less reactive and is interacting with people better than before. Well, maybe that’s because you’re not interacting with the same people. Gary is staying in today, so their friend drops that beautiful little girl to hang with Amber. I continue to be amazed that those two people were able to combine their DNA and create such a gorgeous child.