Teen Mom Recap: Locked Up, Locked Out, & Rejected

Teen Mom

By Sugarbush | Wednesday, June 27, 2012 | 5:46 pm | 23 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Teen Mom

In Florida, Maci is sitting out on the balcony dressed up like Michael Jackson, spying on Ryan and Dalis.  Ryan and his friend Tyler are speculating as to why Maci decided to stowaway on their trip.  Apparently, Maci had texted Ryan and told him he’d have more fun with her down there than he would with Dalis.  Yeah, I’m sure he would have tons of fun dealing with her passive-aggressive jabs and looking at her Proactiv before-shot face.

 Heee-heeeeee!

Farrah still hasn’t started school, so she’s dog sitting for the dude next door.  Bad idea, Adam.  Would you hire Casey Anthony to babysit your kid? 

Adam is a smarmy-looking tool, so I’m sure he’s perfect for Farrah.  She calls Ashley to tell her about this cool guy she’s met.  She said he’s got a dog, so she really likes him.  He’s older and has his own business.

Back in Michigan, the hair travesties continue…

 

Butch is getting out of jail, so Tyler calls his mom to see what she thinks about Butch staying with him and Catelynn.  She thinks it should be fine as long as he follows the rules and we all know how well Butch follows the rules.  Tyler meets up with Butch and obviously isn’t too excited to see him.  Butch begs for a hug and Tyler reluctantly gives in.  It’s sad, because it’s clear Tyler has reached his breaking point.  Having his dad miss his graduation was the straw that broke that camel’s back.  I can’t help but notice Butch’s mullet has really gotten fabulous while in the joint.  So, Tyler tries to guilt Butch by immediately throwing graduation pictures at him.  Butch hasn’t a clue how badly he’s hurt his son, so the guilt trip doesn’t work.  He tells Tyler that he got a 6 month extension on his parole and Tyler says he doesn’t care if he stays there for 6 months.  Well, I wouldn’t worry about that anyway, because I’m pretty sure Butch will screw up and be back within a month.

 Really, MTV?

Butch wants to get a job to pay his way, but Tyler just prefers that he doesn’t act like an idiot. 

Gary is getting ready to go to Malibu with Leah and his friend.  Amber is still going through detox (anger detox, remember, because she doesn’t have a drug problem).  Amber says she wants her family back and is confident she won’t screw up and abuse her meds again.  Well, my super-duper future predicting skills tell me that she’s going to fail.  Miserably.

 “I have absolutely no faith in you, Amber.”

Amber says she’s really, really, really excited to see Gary and Leah.  I’m really convinced.  She sounds like someone on their deathbed talking about funeral arrangements. 

Catelynn and Nick show up to see Butch.  I hate this, because Butch seems like such a nice guy.  Tyler talks to Catelynn about picking up Butch.  He told her that he didn’t want to get out of the car and give him a hug.  They discuss the rules, which include April is not able to come over at all.  Tyler seems resigned to the fact that it’s inevitable that Butch will screw up and go back to the clink.

Tool Boy shows up to pick up Farrah for their date.  He asks about Sophia, but Farrah doesn’t want him and Sophia meeting just yet.  That’s shockingly mature.  Their date is at a driving range and she clearly has increased the cc’s in her boobies.  They’re obnoxiously large now.  What a prudent way to spend your money when you’re a single mom without a job.

They retire to the apartment where Farrah brings up her impending 20th birthday.  She’s very focused on the fact that she will now be an adult.  I thought you become an adult at 18?  Oh wait, this is Farrah.  As usual, she tells Tool Boy that he wouldn’t understand all of her responsibilities and excitement at no longer being a teen.  So, I guess that’s why this is the last season.  They have to change the name of the show to Mature Mom and that would be the worst misnomer of all time.

You should have perfected this skill BEFORE you got pregnant.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

23 Comments

  1. 1
    April
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Love your recap!

    You nailed Gary to a tee. I used to date a guy so much like him. I was engaged and he always tried to play the victim because he always acted calm but would say and do the most assy things that he knew would piss me off. Then act all shocked when it upset me. I was slowly turning into a super angry Amber with that guy and thank God we broke it off. It was a toxic relationship.

    I feel she really was trying at therapy. I wish the therapist would have gone into how Gary contributes to the fights like bringing up her being with another guy when they both agreed to a break. He was just pissed he could not get some strange too like Amber managed. I remember he tried with that one girl.

    I actually did the whole baby gate thing with my kids too. It is not really bad parenting. You babyproof one or two rooms 100% and then you have a nice safe place to leave them for a bit while you shower or make a phone call or poop, whatever. Things got to get done and its easier and safer for the kids to be contained safely because you can’t have your eyes on them 24/7. Teaches kids to be okay playing independently too.

    That was the first time I have seen Bentley totally reject Maci like that. I wonder if she really is not around as much as Ryan was claiming when he tried to file for full custody.

  2. 2
    Poopsicle
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Top of the line recap as usual! My god Maci makes me angry. I want to slap that smirk off her orange/turd colored face when she conversates with her coven of ugly. This bitch, she fucking lives with somebody yet she has a problem with Ryan’s new girlfriend!!? What the actual fuck! She’s so obviously not over Ryan but she’s gonna make his life as miserable as she can because he’s over her. She made a complete ass out of herself this episode, it’s pretty bad when your own kid rejects you then pees on you. Loved it!!
    Farrah looks like a worm with tits.
    It’s a shame we already know Ambers a lost cause, I do however don’t know how shirts manage to fit Gary.
    Poor Tyler. Those two really are awesome kids and I really hope good things for them…and a better hair style for Catelynn.

  3. 3
    bumblebee
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    ITA on your list of non ass-chapping turds. Everyone on this show makes me want to punch something- Farrah’s face, hopefully.

    I really was unaware that you can ask for someone to guide you around the zoo because “it’s hot” (no shit, it’s f’ing Miami, dumb ass).

    Maci’s redhead friend looks like Wendy and Carni Wilson’s long-lost sister.

  4. 4
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    @April – The baby gate is totally fine when used properly. I did the same thing to keep my son corralled and unable to get into areas of the house that were potentially dangerous. But, I had my eyes on him at all times – caged up or not. I know Farrah and she would lock her in a closet full of knives if she needed to take a call. And the idea of locking a 2-year-old in a room you can’t see at all times with a mini-trampoline is stupid as hell. She could break her neck jumping on that thing if she’s not careful. And what 2 year old is careful?

    @Poopsicle – A worm with tits?!?! I’ll never look at her the same! bwahahahahaha

  5. 5
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Violet!! OMG, I just can’t with this. LOL

    These girls are like the seven dwarves (or the Furies) (or the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse) with their fixed personality traits that color everything they do. There’s Vexed, there’s Fury, there’s Envy, and there’s Hopeful.

    Vexed is attracted to Tools. Fury is attracted to Lumps. Envy is attracted to Unavailable. And Hopeful is attracted to Adorable.

    I wish I was more like Hopeful, but I suspect I take more after Vexed. I should probably do something about that.

    Great recap!

  6. 6
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Re: Amber…..b/c taking a large amount of tranquilizers is better than whatever else crap she was on. She was so drugged up, she even made me start to doze while attempting to listen to her. I would avoid that “rehab” place at all costs!

  7. 7
    Dallasboo
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    F you Farrah!! Who moves to Florida and then complains that it is hot??? All she does is complain!! About everything! She is such a big FAIL- her nasty attitude and annoying voice make her a person nobody wants to be around. No wonder she has no friends…..

  8. 8
    Chicken Lips
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    When I was watching I was wondering if maybe Amber really IS sober and that all this time people were enabling her with booze and blow because without it she is a God-awful bore. I know people with the personality of a hat rack but get a few drinks in them and they are the life of the party.

    How awesome is it that even Bentley completely saw thought Maci’s bullshit. And no, Maci, Ryan’s family doesn’t want you around but they know that you are batshit crazy enough to keep Bentley away from them so they act like they like you. Way to be self aware, bitch.

  9. 9
    Lurker
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 12:59 am

    What? No screencap of that close-up shot of Farrah’s boobs? That girl is still bitchy and complains about everything … I tend to zone out when she is on. Did Maci really refer to Dalis as “that bitch”? Maci annoys me as well … girl has jealousy written all over her face. I cannot stand Gary and I usually like to blame him for how he acts; however, I feel that the therapist had asked him a question and he was just answering it and Amber just took it the wrong way. The thing with couples counseling is that sometimes it can make someone feel back into a corner or feel victimized when in realitiy maybe Gary was really expressing how he was honestly feeling. I don’t know … I just got the vibe that it was a bad edit and they wanted to add some drama. I try to take reality tv as a grain of salt and not analyze it too much. As far as Catelynn and Tyler I still love them and I think they have more patients then I do, because I don’t think I would even let my dad, who just got out of prision, live in my house. That is too much pressure and responsibility that they shouldn’t have to deal with. Anyway … there is my two cents :)

  10. 10
    April
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 4:27 am

    Love Tyler and Caitlynn. Those are some good kids. Just want to hug Ty every time he comes on screen. So who is taking bets on how long Butch remains out of jail? I am saying two more episodes.

    Yeah I highly doubt that zoo will just drive people around normally. What a crock! They just did that because MTV asked them too or paid them too or something. Us peons actually have to walk and push our kids in strollers when we go to the zoo. Plus looks like she got a backstage giraffe interaction too. Visions of the Gosselin kids ring in my head. They got special treatment everywhere they went too but at what cost? Oh yeah their parent’s marriage, their privacy….

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Farrah is such a whiny baby. You can’t tell me that the Adam guy doesn’t understand stress if he has his own business. And as a mother you do have to take time and relax.

    While I feel that Gary does pick at Amber that’s apart of why they are in counseling. Amber has to control herself and Gary needs to stop going for what makes Amber angry.

    Maci is a bitch. Let’s Ryan have his week with this son. You complain all the time about how he’s not with Bentley and then when he does take him you want to invade on his time. Ryan’s parents respect you as the mother of their grandson that’s why they treat you the way they do. They are adults and understand that dynamic.

  12. 12
    wow
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Farrah’s boobs are so trashy, she’d have such a cute shape if she had breasts in proportion to her body, she looks ridiculous with them as big as they are. At least Maci had the sense to not go TOO big, but it really is embarrassing that these girls spent money on that when they’ve still got 20 some years (assuming the kids go to college) left of paying for things for their children.

    Leah is my favorite of all the Teen Mom kids (1 and 2). She’s got the cutest little face and my heart breaks for her that she was dealt this hand in life.

  13. 13
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    ..smells like jerky and cheese whiz. hahaha! Great recap!

  14. 14
    BedHeadJen
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Clearly Gary is already going steady with cake, so I think it was quite thoughtful to wait before agreeing to wear Amber’s 1 week sober pin. Though breaking up with cake will be hard, it’s the right thing to do before moving forward.
    Violet, you’re turning violet, Violet…Hahaha(snort)hahaha! Awesome recap Sugarbush!
    I think you are totally on to something with the Willy Wonka reference. Dr. Drew could serve as a twisted Willy Wonka- Farrah is Veruca Salt/Mike Teevee- Maci is Violet Beuregarde-Gary is Augustus Gloop, Tyler’s mom is Grandpa Joe- Amber, Butch and April are the other 3 grandparents that never get out of bed-and Tyler and Catelynn are obviously Charlie Bucket. Farrah, Maci, and Amber all share the Oompa Loompa orange skintone…hmmm, coincidence?

  15. 15
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 3:02 am

    Poopsicle….you were kidding when you used the word “conversate,” right?……….right????

    Yeah, I’m never one to defend Ryan, but Maci was one big sack of fail this week. Ouch.

    I’m fascinated by Farrah. EVERYTHING she says is in a nasty tone. She’s immediately on the defense about EVERYTHING. What happened in her life?! I’ve lost loved ones too, girlfriend.

  16. 16
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 4:24 am

    Judgy, I was watching Judge Judy the other day and she said that she no longer corrects people for using conversate because I guess it’s been added to the dictionary or something because she was getting emails about how it’s a word now.

    I love Judge Judy. She was pretty pissed about it.

  17. 17
    considerthis
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 6:37 am

    The dogs humping was the best part of this show.

  18. 18
    considerthis
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 6:41 am

    One more thing – WTF was that coming out of Adam’s face? Kept waiting for it to morph into another head and start a Carfax commericial.

  19. 19
    Poopsicle
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 7:12 am

    @Judgy-meh, I actually wasn’t kidding. Thought it sounded off when I used it but who gives a shit.

  20. 20
    Nolongerbre
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Has anyone else seen the latest US weekly? Last we’d heard Catelynn was allegedly preggo. Now we all know thats not true of course, but what do folks thin of these newest rumors that it was April who sold Catelynn out to the trash mag?

    http://starcasm.net/archives/162892

  21. 21
    Nolongerbre
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

    OOps meant Intouch mag but yeah they are pretty much the same thing right?

  22. 22
    HKk1
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    The money Maci spent on her boob job (yes she got one too) really needed to go instead to buying some damned proactiv.

  23. 23
    annie Annie
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Could Gary have been wearing a MORE inappropirate shirt for his visit to Amber? Geez dude. Just because the “Brooklyn Hunting Team” makes shirts in XXXXXL apparantly, that doesnt mean he needs to wear it. Aye.

    Farrah was the brattiest of brats on her date. Poor homeboy is trying to tell her to loosen up, and she lectures him about “life’s struggles”. STFU, like having a kid at 17 gives you free reign to be a total asshole to people who DIDNT get knocked up in high school. Geez. No wonder she has no friends.

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