Teen Mom Recap: Maybe Daddies

38 Comments

1. 1
   Sunshine
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

   Maybe April could have surgery and give some of her forehead to Theresa Guidice.

2. 2
   Fatty McLameass
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 1:15 pm

   Firstly, I never really did realize how horrible Gary is to Amber. In fact, I can remember the scene when she was punching him and kicking him down the stairs a few seasons ago, that I thought “Oh my gosh, this is totally unprovoked! Gary never does anything to instigates these fights!” Now I don’t know if that was editing on MTV’s part (which is highly likely) to make him look innocent, but holy moly, do I see what a little bitch he is now! I don’t condone Amber’s behavior, but I certainly can say that Gary deserved every beating he got!

   Secondly, I am from Texas and HATE that so many people think that Texas wear 15 gallon cowboy hats and ride our horses/cows/goats to work. Seriously, MTV, Farrah is not going to the damn Wild West! Austin is a million times cooler than any city in Iowa or Idaho or wherever Farrah is from!

3. 3
   hot cawfee
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 1:40 pm

   my good Lord Amber– what is that near your eye???? Be careful popping that ole zit—its mighty full.

   And why was Bently in the front seat of the car???? When Brother Cawfee was that age he released the brake of the family truckster and the station wagon rolled down a hill.

   Oh April–honey………sigh….water is wet. Butch is an abusive alcoholic. The sky is up. The more you know!!!!!

4. 4
   hot cawfee
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 1:46 pm

   Ty and Cate– love how grown up you too are. Ty never ceases to amaze me with his maturity and strength. Butch is an abusive, unhappy addict. I wont get into where he is getting all the money for drugs and alcohol. He either has nice and generous friends or “other means”.

   Cate– grow into the woman you want to be. You will likely have to parent April for the rest of her days or until she gives up Butch, goes to rehab or therapy and meets a new guy.

5. 5
   amandalee27
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 3:47 pm

   1. I say “crowns”, so we can never color together.
   2. I don’t think Tyler and Cate will necessarily end up bitter because they’ve never been with anyone else. My husband and I started dating at 15 and never looked back. No regrets. Best decision of my life (that and being childfree). They might end up bitter because I think Ty will outgrow Cate.
   3. I HATE FARRAH. A toddler not sitting perfectly still watching her hideous mother curl her fake hair is not a “tantrum”.
   4. Amber is still pilled out. How can MTV still film her??
   5. Maci is stupid. Don’t give your money to someone else for a house in their name. Also, even pilled out Amber has more motivation to teach Leah colors than Maci does to teach Bentley anything.
   6. These kids are freaking cute! I hope they aren’t too fucked up later in life.

6. 6
   Trashy tv
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

   Holy crap is Amver skinnny. May be I should go to rehab.

7. 7
   Annie
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 5:54 pm

   God, I love love love love Tyler and Cate. I want them to have more babies to make up for all the schmucks in the world. Everytime they are thrown an obstacle by their crazy families, they push through them and look to the future. I work in the Criminal Justice system and I’ve seen my fair share of effed up families. These two are amazing.

   I think Gary’s pissed Amber went to Rehab to better herself and get away from him. So of course he wants to sabotage all that by pushing her buttons and pissing her off…..so she’ll stay with him and/or to have total control over her……and she fell right into the trap. PS how messed up did she seem while talking on the phone? (when Leah was going to bed)

8. 8
   considerthis
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm

   I am not a master of manipulation by any means BUT struggle to see the logic in “I’m going to annoy the ever living shit out of you and do the opposite of whatever you want and be a fat greasy mouth breathin turd all the while” so you will be under my spell forever.

   Gary openly and obviously frustrates the fuck out of Amber but I do not think he has her brainwashed to be his enternal minion – rather she wants to have a realtionship with her daughter so she puts up with it (not well) but puts up with it.

9. 9
   katie
   Posted August 1, 2012 at 8:54 pm

   Maybe this has been discussed already, but why does Sophia ALWAYS seem to have a pacifier in her mouth? I don’t have kids, so maybe I’m wrong, but I thought you used those to calm a kid down, not 24/7…

10. 10
    CourtneyMichelle83
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 3:22 am

    @Katie, I totally agree with you about the pacifier issue. Why would anybody still want their child that can WALK and TALK to still be attached to that damn thing. It looks like her teeth are already suffering from it as well. That’s like a 5 year old still being breastfed. I BLAME THE PARENTS! Enough is enough!

11. 11
    CourtneyMichelle83
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 3:53 am

    @Sugarbush, I only started reading your recaps yesterday and I must say they are hilarious and enjoyable. I love your sense of humor. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

12. 12
    Sugarbush
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 7:31 am

    @AmandaLee – We can just call them “colors” instead of “crayons” when we color together.

    @Considerthis – I was in a very similar relationship after my boyfriend died. The only difference is that the person raising a hand to hit or slap was him – not me. Before and after that relationship, I was NEVER the girl anyone expected to let a guy treat her like that. My family always assumed I’d do a ball-ectomy to any guy who would raise his hand to me. But, I was severely depressed and honestly thought now that my late boyfriend was gone, this guy was the only person on the planet who could even pretend to love me. I almost married that dickhead until he made like he was going to slap me in public. Suddenly, the old Sugarbush emerged, ended the engagement and left. I think that’s where Amber is. Not to mention he’s got her baby. She’s crazy, but I feel bad for her. I hope when she’s gets out of jail she leaves Gary for good.

13. 13
    Sugarbush
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 7:32 am

    @Sunshine – lol As a person with a massive forehead, I love April’s forehead because it makes mine seem small.

    @CourtneyMichelle83 – Thanks, doll!!! I also need to remember to proofread before I submit these. Yikes!!

14. 14
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I read this recap before I watched the show and thought “crowns?! That can’t be right.” I even said it over and over in my head and chalked it up to you meaning “crans” without the second syllable. Then I watched, and holy shit, she literally says “crowns”. I’ve never heard that before in my life. Where’s she from? Indiana? Oh man. I’m moving to Louisville which is right across the river. Guess I should prepare myself.

15. 15
    BedHeadJen
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I’ve never heard anyone call crayons ‘crowns’, but my sis in law says ‘kellers’ instead of colors. Everytime I hear it, I secretly take a moment to punch her in my mind. Speaking of colors, It looks like Orange World in Florida should watch their back if they want to keep the ‘Largest Orange in the World’ title. Usually, I don’t pick on people for their size because it lacks creativity, but I am totally with Amber on this.
    I used to feel bad for him because I thought he was taking Amber’s abuse, but it is obvious that he is just a manipulative jealous scuzz.
    WTF is up with MTV filming Leah with food 90% of the time? A few episodes back she was sitting on the floor eating cake while daddy dipshit yelled at her to eat it. That is where the pets eat. Her weeble of a father needs to take a second and put that baby at a table.

16. 16
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Has anyone else noticed that Farrah’s new boyfriend bears a striking resemblance to Michael, Farrah’s dad? Ew.

    Omg I loved The Baby Borrowers! Bring that sucker back!

    Speaking of suckers, geez Farrah, you are doing your child harm by never taking the pacifier out of her mouth because you are probably lacking patience to hear screaming or even talking from your kid.

17. 17
    Tmurda
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 1:02 am

    Yeah, the pacifier thing has been bugging me for a couple eps now. It hit me when I saw Farrah potty training Sofia, while she sits on the potty with a passy (sp?) in her mouth! Potty training is a billion times more difficult than getting a baby/child off the passy-train. Yo, Farrah!-How bout you put Sofia to bed, throw the pacifier in the garbage, then when she asks for it the next day, shrugg your shoulders and say “all gone!”, then give hugs and kisses(comfort) as she freaks out over it (lack of passy-comfort). She’ll ask for it repeatedly for a few days, and will finally realize that it isn’t coming back, which she will accept…(that is, until she starts getting teased for her jacked-up teeth and ends up in braces, but she has a few years till her Farrah-Resenting career begins so whatevs). That’s the beauty of being the parent, no? If you don’t want your baby to have/use something, you can take it away! AMAZING CONCEPT! The child will initially be distraught as all hell since he/she can’t understand the reasoning behind it, but this is called parenting. You do what you think is best for the kid, and endure the kid’s reaction with the patience of knowing he/she will see the purpose for such things with age. Farrah doesn’t get it at all. You have to sacrifice your wants and needs to do what’s best for your child….as opposed to dragging your baby across the country, away from any outside support, for the sole purpose of throwing it in your mom’s face. Sofia gets to watch mommy get ready till noon, chill with a stranger for a couple hrs while mommy’s at class, and spend some nights w/said stranger while mommy gripes/complains to her date about how limiting motherhood is and how miserable it is doing it all alone. So take THAT, Debra!!! No worries over a simple passy addiction….Farrah’s got it alllll under control, ya’ll. *eyeroll*
    Hate Amber, but I have way more hate for a person who uses a child as a weapon to fuck with the other parent. It’s cruel, unnacceptable, wreckless, selfish, and damaging. Neither of these two should have custody.
    Buying a house with your boyfriend in the middle of the “I’m gonna bicker/argue with you whenever i’m unhappy about anything in my life, but I don’t neccessarily want to be alone, so let’s ride it till the wheels fall off” phase of a relationship is an obvious step in the right direction. Yeah,drag this doomed partnership out as long as you can, and legally/financially obligate yourselves to each other. Right on, Maci! Make the future break-up as traumatizing and complicated as possible for Bently.
    I also love cocaine more than I love April. It’s been a while, but my memory of it alone requires that I side with Butch on that one.

18. 18
    April
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 6:30 am

    God I hate Gary. I was with Amber on this episode. She looks like she is trying and she is trying to be a good mom by spending time with her little girl. Yet Gary has to be an ass about it. I really feel sad about Leah being raised completely by Gary now that Amber is in jail.

    I also noticed the car seat thing and so did my husband when he happened to be in the room while I was watching this. Yeah just walking by the tv and he noticed. So I am kinda in shock that NO ONE in Farrah’s life notices the improper seat belt placement and fixes it.

19. 19
    Liz
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Ack! I say crowns. I always thought it was a Southern thing?

    @consdierthis – Being a shitbag will work on Amber if she still thinks so poorly of herself. People with really low self-esteem like her, when in a relationship like that, will think they are doing something wrong and that’s why the other person is being shitty. They want the other person to like them (because they don’t like themselves so someone has to do it) so they’ll be drawn in by being treated poorly because they need to prove to the other person they are worthy of love. They will believe the other person over themselves, so they have to convince the other person so they will have proof they are good enough. Being treated like shit also reinforces their own ideas of themselves, so there’s that too. Plus, Gary knows he has more control over Leah than Amber, so he’s using that over her as well. I mean, my take on the matter anyways. Okay, enough mini-thesis for me.

    Did anyone else notice where Tyler said something to April like, “this isn’t just a slaparound”? Like a slaparound is totally normal and no big deal for them? Yikes.

20. 20
    classy drunk
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

    WTH is wrong with Maci. Anyone that sits home all day watches at least ONE judge show. It’s basically impossible not to. How are you to get your money back if this doesn’t work out? I know Judge Judy isn’t going to give you ANYTHING back.

    @april, no need to explain your husband watching Teen Mom, my 29 year old brother watches more faithfully than I do.

    @amandalee, I think Tyler will outgrow Cate also. I just hope she is strong enough to deal with it when it happens.

21. 21
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I know! I can hear Judge Judy now: This court is not here to sort out the pots and pans of your life! There is an entire branch of law to handle the legal aspects of separating when you’re married! If you choose to enmesh yourselves without benefit of marriage then you are an IDIOT!

    I knew this when I was fifteen and an eighteen year old friend came to me and told me she’d just bought a van with her boyfriend. When I recovered my shock I asked her who gets the van when they break up and she just blinked at me. It never occurred to her that that would happen. Of course they were no longer a couple within six months. So. Stupid.

    But a HOUSE! That’s amazingly shortsighted unless there’s all kinds of contracts between the two of them that we have not been privy to. And this is what bugs me most about this show. If they don’t have the contracts then MTV should show us that and the consequences when it all hits the fan as a lesson to all those idiots out there who are oblivious. And if they do have contracts around this house then they should show that so those same idiots can see how important it is to nail that shit down. But MTV won’t show us either circumstance, they’ll just show us them buying the house consequences unaddressed and be damned and the idiots watching will have learned nothing and may even be emboldened to make the same stupid mistake.

22. 22
    Moli
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Where has THIS seasons Gary been hiding? I now understand completely why Amber went off on him. He picks and pokes and picks and pokes, he looks like the good guy because he doesn’t raise his voice. He also has the lovely gift of riling her up to the point of no return so others can see ‘crazy Amber’. I’m so mad I was his cheerleader.

    So may Amber needs to take whatever Farrah took this episode, is it me or was that a genuine smile while she was on the phone with her mother? I hate the fact that Sophia is STILL sucking a pacifier like she is an infant. If you can walk and talk you don’t need a pacifier. At the age of two she should know how to self-sooth her still using a pacifier is pure laziness on Farrah’s part. How you guys noticed Sophia’s really BAD open bite?

    Maci really, a house with your boyfriend? Kyle a house with Maci Clingy McPimpleface?

    I know this is horrible to say, but Butch needs to leave this world so Tyler can live his life. I broke down watching him break down while talking about his father to April. My heart bleed for the emotional pain he must be going through, its simply not fair to that man-boy. As much as it pains me to say(I’ve said it before) Tyler is going to leave Cate. I honestly think they may have broken before this point in time had Teen Mom not been in the picture.

23. 23
    April
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Classy Drunk: haha he really doesn’t watch it, but he hears me rant about it a lot and calls me a Maci stalker.

    Now “Dance Academy” on the other hand. I think he actually secretly likes that show….haha

24. 24
    April
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 11:36 am

    I don’t know if Tyler and Cate will stay together. I will say sometimes when people have such a rough start out in life things like this bond them together. The adoption, the abusive alcoholic druggy parents, the violence. It is like only the two of them will totally understand what the other one is going through and therefore they are the only ones for each other. If that makes sense? So we will just have to see. I just with them both happiness and good lives. They deserve it.

    Judge Judy..haha I was thinking the same thing. I watch enough court shows to know that is not a good idea.

    Okay I will confess on the paci thing. I had twins who were premature and really liked the pacis. I was a mom who swore no pacis before I had them. That changed quickly when it was the only thing that soothed them and calmed them down. So they were huge paci kids till about 2. I would put like 6 in their cribs at night so that if it fell out during the night they could find another one without waking me up. We had to have them all the time. Some kids just naturally take to them for whatever reason.

    I tried to break them at 1 and they did not have it. So we tried again at 2 and broke them. It involved one night of solid hysterical screaming for about 4 hours at bedtime. Then they finally passed out and asked for them a couple times but that was about it. You just have to get through the initial break down. We also took the old passys to Toys R Us and let them buy whatever toy they wanted with the old passys. So when they asked for them I would remind them “Remember you bought that digger with the passys?” That helped too.

25. 25
    classy drunk
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 11:49 am

    @AYLDT, Awesome Judge Judy impression!!!

26. 26
    SuburBint
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    This probably means that I’m a horrible person, but all I could think of in regards to Butch loving cocaine more than any of the people in his life was the scene from Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Spike mutters “I love syphilis more than you” to Harmony.

27. 27
    considerthis
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    I wonder if Butch ever snorted coke off April’s forehead as it is larger and flater than your average coffee table??

28. 28
    Moli
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Man, that forehead even makes Tyra’s look normal. That woman has a sevenhead!

29. 29
    considerthis
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    One more comment…

    I wonder what the backstory is on April and Bitch? How long have they been married as I was shocked to hear Kait’s little brother (who had to be outside from day till night while April & Ty talked) is not Butch’s. April is quite the temptress. Did she cheat on Butch and get knocked up by somebody else?? Hummm

30. 30
    Sugarbush
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    @Considerthis – April’s probably quite a hot ticket down at the bowling alley. In high school, I used to hang out with a girl shaped like a lunchbox and she probably did every guy at the lanes. Bunch of studs, they were.

31. 31
    April
    Posted August 4, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Yeah the whole Butch getting mad that April was supposedly talking to Nick’s Dad thing kinda threw me. She wasn’t, but so what if she was? They share a kid together. Sometimes parents have to talk about their kid for various and many reasons. So so what if she WAS talking to him? Doesn’t mean she is cheating on him or something does it? Is she not allowed to speak to him? How can you co parent a child and not speak to them?

    That is why the whole “no contact” order thing freaks me. How can you co parent a child and have no contact? What if the kid is sick? What if there is an issue that needs to be discussed?

32. 32
    Melanie
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Apparently Farrah is now a “singer” too…

    http://starcasm.net/archives/168875

33. 33
    Sugarbush
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 10:16 am

    @Melanie – You owe me 32.3 seconds of my life back.

34. 34
    Melanie
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 10:32 am

    I am so sorry, but I couldn’t resist sharing the trauma. Worse than nails on chalkboard, no? How that “song” even made it off the cutting room floor is beyond me. She makes Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag sound like Whitney Houston.

35. 35
    Moli
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

    That was awful!!! She makes ME sounds like Whitney.

36. 36
    SuburBint
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 11:32 am

    OMG. I have never heard a song with that much auto-tuning in my life! Also, Farrah knows nothing about what “rock bottom” is like. She had a baby at 17 and her baby-daddy died unexpectedly. So her life didn’t turn out the way she wanted it to, but she was financially supported by her parents, not to mention her paychecks from MTV, and she is so self-absorbed I have to wonder how deeply Derek’s death really affected her. If I am remembering correctly, in her 16 and Pregnant episode she talked about how the guy who knocked her up wasn’t a great guy so she and her parents agreed that she should stop having any contact with him, and I’m not sure if she even told him she was pregnant. So, in summary, whatever, Farrah! Stop trying to ride your Q-list celebrity status and focus on creating a normal, camera-free life for yourself and your daughter.

37. 37
    bumblebee
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 7:05 am

    @Melanie- Oh. Wow. It sounded like someone strangling a goose while the goose was speaking German. Let’s forget that it’s auto tuned within an inch of its life, but the backing track and the melody don’t even have the same beat. Really, how can anyone listen to that and think it sound good??

    Radar has a story this morning about Farah abusing Adderall and Xanax.

38. 38
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:38 am

    That was ear rape. Who can possibly discern the lyrics? It doesn’t even sound good with auto tune.